AIBU to refuse to share food when DH changes his mind?

[LiveLaffLurve]

First world problem but this is driving me bonkers!

I do not like to share food; I know it’s odd, but I cannot stand people taking food from my plate or being asked for a share. It has to be on my terms if I offer (which I 9/10 do) or if I’m done, I’ll offer the rest.

It’s not about having to eat it all or not wanting to share, it’s just something I do not like to do. I will happily share a meal if it’s pre planned and expected, but my portion is my portion until I’m done.

Every time we are out for food or shopping, without fail, DH will deny he wants something and then later take some of mine. It makes me so inexplicably angry!

In the past few days alone:

We stopped for a coffee at a shop with the DC. The DC wanted cookies for after their lunch. I asked DH if he wanted one, he said no. I asked if he was sure as I also was getting one and he said he was sure he didn’t want one.

When DH had finished lunch he said “how many cookies did you buy?”. I said 4 ; one each for me and the DC as he didn’t want one. He replied with “oh ok, let me know if you don’t want some of yours”.

Aka, I’ll have a bit of yours. I ended up giving him some of mine.

Me: “DH do you want some crisps to go with your sandwich?”
Him: “No”.
Me: “ Are you sure?”
Him: “Yes I’m sure “

We sit down and he says “oh I’ll have a few of your crisps to go in my sandwich”.

Same with drinks. Do you want a drink? No. Then will either ask if theres any drinks “spare” or just take a “sip” of mine!

Now this is a regular occurrence and it’s starting to really annoy me as I always feel guilty or that I’m being odd and end up giving him some. I don’t mind when I’m done, but not before that.

Today when I had a small bar of chocolate and he asked for a piece, I said no and I told him why. He had not wanted chocolate when we were in the shop otherwise he should have got his own.

I stuck to my guns and I ate the chocolate. He thinks I’m mean.

It’s not about money as these sort of spends come out of our household pot. He just doesn’t want it until he does.

AIBU to refuse to share until he gets the message?

No thats really annoying. Its like they expect you to just cater to them at all times so they dont need to think ahead because theyll just get what they want anyway!

I’m with you, yanbu. Don’t give him a morsel and eventually he will learn to get his own

I think there is nothing wrong with teaching him that if he says no, he doesn't then get to eat yours.
If he does this regularly then he must realise that he is being irritating, if nothing else.

Omg - this would drive me absolutely mad. Yes, refuse to share until he gets the message to ask for his own portion like everyone else is capable of doing.

I agree with you i don't share food this really annoys me.

How is he with other people, eg, his family, Op?
Does he do this with anybody else?

Meant to say also, I don’t like generosity dictated to me.

I would just tell him when he says he's sure that that means you won't be sharing yours.

So up till now, you've given in and given him some? Just stick to your guns.

My husband does this and it pisses me off.

i don’t give him any to teach him. He still does it though but i never give in.

he just looks at me and then says “i wont have any then” in this different tone of voice he does.

Are you sure it’s not a weird power play on his part? Tell him that he has to say what he means and you’ll do the same. So if he tells you he doesn’t want anything, you’ll tell him fine but you won’t be sharing what you get, and will be sticking to it. Then do so.

How are finances in general?
Is he going without to save a few £s when actually he'd really like the chocolate / cookies, etc but he's bean counting so he says no when actually he really would like 'whatever' the treat is

Why not just buy more if you know thats what he does. No biggie

Of coure YANBU, he’s a knobhead and it is a vile practice of his.

I’d go so far as to make a big effing deal about it if he ever asked me again, it would be a major row lasting days. It would give me the ick for weeks.

I'm quite relaxed about sharing food, and don't mind the occasional, "That looks nice now I see it, I wish I'd said yes when you offered, can I have a little piece?" But I'd find that sort of behaviour really annoying if it happened repeatedly.

He's doing it on purpose now. You've allowed him to do this and not said no so he's grown entitled to helping himself to your food.

Tell him to stop it. Say no. DDon't to offer to share.

You're armed. A well aimed fork stab will put a quick stop to his food mooching.

This.

This sort of thing really pisses me off.

I snapped eventually (no farting though) when DH insisted he didn't want a sauce to go with his steak when we were out for a meal, I ordered the stilton sauce and caught DH dipping his chips in it before I had even poured it.

I'm not one to ever share juice bottles or cutlery etc and he totally knows that.

Tell him from this point onwards you will not share when he's had the opportunity to buy his own and no, you aren't being selfish he's the one being a prick.

If he does it regularly and you end up giving in to him despite you not wanting to share then look up the meaning of coercive control. It has to start somewhere.

It’s not a finance issue and he’s most definitely not power playing; he’s a lovely DH in a lot of ways.

DH would certainly share with me, he doesn’t mind at all and would give me his last Rolo. I think this is where it comes from, he’s quite generous and assumes I will be the same but I’m not!

I really cannot stand being asked to share my food; it makes me so mad but I don’t really know why.

I am a crisp fiend and I once had a share bag of my favourite crisps so I offered him some. I had no intention of eating the full bag in one go but he took half of the pack with one hand! I was furious and have refused to share them since. He thought it was funny because this sort of stuff doesn’t bother him, but even if his fork comes near my plate, it gives me the rage!

We live far away from family so it’s just the 5 of us so it doesn’t come up anywhere else.

God that would annoy the shit out of me! I think you need to start being more hard line on saying no when he has already turned down an offer of food or drink. Next time you are getting food out and he says no tell him "Are you sure because I'm not giving you some of mine when you change you mind".

I've got thr rage just reading this.
Neither DH or I are food sharers, we instinctively give each other's food space. If he asked for my food or worse helped homself I would tell him to fuck off.

I am armed with the knowledge I am NBU. We are out with friends for Sunday lunch this weekend. I know for certain that DH will turn down dessert and then wait for my leftovers.

I’m going to tell DH before we leave that I won’t be sharing so he needs to either get his own or go without.

Stop sharing make him get off his arse and get what he wants - stop enabling him!

He'd hate to live with me I never have left overs to share!