AIBU to refuse to share food when DH changes his mind?

[LiveLaffLurve]

First world problem but this is driving me bonkers!

I do not like to share food; I know it’s odd, but I cannot stand people taking food from my plate or being asked for a share. It has to be on my terms if I offer (which I 9/10 do) or if I’m done, I’ll offer the rest.

It’s not about having to eat it all or not wanting to share, it’s just something I do not like to do. I will happily share a meal if it’s pre planned and expected, but my portion is my portion until I’m done.

Every time we are out for food or shopping, without fail, DH will deny he wants something and then later take some of mine. It makes me so inexplicably angry!

In the past few days alone:

We stopped for a coffee at a shop with the DC. The DC wanted cookies for after their lunch. I asked DH if he wanted one, he said no. I asked if he was sure as I also was getting one and he said he was sure he didn’t want one.

When DH had finished lunch he said “how many cookies did you buy?”. I said 4 ; one each for me and the DC as he didn’t want one. He replied with “oh ok, let me know if you don’t want some of yours”.

Aka, I’ll have a bit of yours. I ended up giving him some of mine.

Me: “DH do you want some crisps to go with your sandwich?”
Him: “No”.
Me: “ Are you sure?”
Him: “Yes I’m sure “

We sit down and he says “oh I’ll have a few of your crisps to go in my sandwich”.

Same with drinks. Do you want a drink? No. Then will either ask if theres any drinks “spare” or just take a “sip” of mine!

Now this is a regular occurrence and it’s starting to really annoy me as I always feel guilty or that I’m being odd and end up giving him some. I don’t mind when I’m done, but not before that.

Today when I had a small bar of chocolate and he asked for a piece, I said no and I told him why. He had not wanted chocolate when we were in the shop otherwise he should have got his own.

I stuck to my guns and I ate the chocolate. He thinks I’m mean.

It’s not about money as these sort of spends come out of our household pot. He just doesn’t want it until he does.

AIBU to refuse to share until he gets the message?

I have a close family member who does this, and it continues to drive me mad on the odd occasion that I see them, never mind if I had to live with them again! My brother used to do when we lived at home, and to stop him, I stabbed him in the back of a hand with a fork. While probably not recommended on H&S grounds, he never touched my food again!

Keep it up, OP. He will soon learn.

I’m like you, OP, I do not share food unless it’s my choice to do so and would get incredibly annoyed with anyone making an assumption that they would be sharing my food.

stick to your guns and refuse!!

I hate this kind of thing! My husband does it. I will order a nice cake at a cafe while we’re out as I’m quite particular, only eating freshly baked cakes, not additive and preservative laden shop bought ones. It’s a treat as I generally eat for fuelling my exercise not for pleasure. He won’t want a cake but then will proceed to have a chunk (a “taste” ) of mine! Annoys me intensely.

I do this - I often do want a bit of dessert, for instance, or a couple of chips. I just ask whether I should order my own and if he would like to help me out with the rest (DH can happily double up on chips or finish a second desert), and DH will either agree or suggest sharing from the outset.

TBH OP is as responsible for the lac of communication as her DH is because she hasn’t TOLD him in clear terms that it annoys her or simply asked if he is hoping to share hers, at which point she can say No.

Exactly - so that's you deciding how much of something you'd like to eat. In this case "a bit" or "just a bit of crunch". If you'd decided that you're hungry and you'd like a full portion then that's what you're expecting and it's not up to someone else to override that and take some of yours. Especially if they initially said they don't want any. And staring longingly at someone else's food is rude.

Very annoying. It’s like he always wants to be catered to by you

Not quite the same but my DH seems to think that my reading glasses are a shared resource. He forgot his when we went away for a long weekend once and said, “Oh never mind, “we” can share yours!”
NO, WE FUCKING CAN’T!!!

I'm happy to share with my DH. It's rare that he asks though . I can see why it would be annoying if the OPs DH did it persistently.

Can I just offer an alternative thought? Is this happening because he's watching his weight or doesn't like waste? Being of a certain age there are times when I would absolutely love a coffee but would suffer if I drank a whole one. A couple of sips of one would however be nectar. There are times half a dessert would be lovely, a whole one would be too much and none would be sad. Although having said that I have no problem actually verbalising these thoughts to my DP.

That really is most annoying.
But you enable him.
Stop sharing.

Just say no. I can’t believe you’ve been putting up with this all along. My Dh is sort of like this. Not so much with sharing what I’m actually eating. He doesn’t do that. But he won’t buy treats like chocolate or biscuits ever at the shop. I do, but then he always wants to eat them. I’m like, you literally went to the shop 20 minutes ago! You walked past all the biscuits and did not buy any, but now you’ve come home and you see I’m having a biscuit, now you want them. It would be okay if it was a shared effort. But he will never buy anything but the bare minimum. He’ll see I have nice things and want them. He makes twice as much as I do. He can afford to splurge on some biscuits, but because he doesn’t want them at the moment, he’ll never buy them. I buy things with the intention of stretching them throughout the week until I have time to go to the shop again. I wouldn’t mind if they got replaced, but Dh would never make a run to the shop for snacks. It drives me nuts. I now hide the nice biscuits so no one can eat them. 😂

@LiveLaffLurve
I am totally with you on this. Just stop asking him. 🤷‍♂️
On sunday I would order 2 desserts of your choice. Then give one to him. Point made, no loss of yours.
In the coffee shop, sweet shop etc. Just buy an extra one, give it to him.
If he doesn't want it, bonus, you get one for later on.