AIBU to refuse to share food when DH changes his mind?

[LiveLaffLurve]

First world problem but this is driving me bonkers!

I do not like to share food; I know it’s odd, but I cannot stand people taking food from my plate or being asked for a share. It has to be on my terms if I offer (which I 9/10 do) or if I’m done, I’ll offer the rest.

It’s not about having to eat it all or not wanting to share, it’s just something I do not like to do. I will happily share a meal if it’s pre planned and expected, but my portion is my portion until I’m done.

Every time we are out for food or shopping, without fail, DH will deny he wants something and then later take some of mine. It makes me so inexplicably angry!

In the past few days alone:

We stopped for a coffee at a shop with the DC. The DC wanted cookies for after their lunch. I asked DH if he wanted one, he said no. I asked if he was sure as I also was getting one and he said he was sure he didn’t want one.

When DH had finished lunch he said “how many cookies did you buy?”. I said 4 ; one each for me and the DC as he didn’t want one. He replied with “oh ok, let me know if you don’t want some of yours”.

Aka, I’ll have a bit of yours. I ended up giving him some of mine.

Me: “DH do you want some crisps to go with your sandwich?”
Him: “No”.
Me: “ Are you sure?”
Him: “Yes I’m sure “

We sit down and he says “oh I’ll have a few of your crisps to go in my sandwich”.

Same with drinks. Do you want a drink? No. Then will either ask if theres any drinks “spare” or just take a “sip” of mine!

Now this is a regular occurrence and it’s starting to really annoy me as I always feel guilty or that I’m being odd and end up giving him some. I don’t mind when I’m done, but not before that.

Today when I had a small bar of chocolate and he asked for a piece, I said no and I told him why. He had not wanted chocolate when we were in the shop otherwise he should have got his own.

I stuck to my guns and I ate the chocolate. He thinks I’m mean.

It’s not about money as these sort of spends come out of our household pot. He just doesn’t want it until he does.

AIBU to refuse to share until he gets the message?

Did you know that many highly intelligent people are absolutely hopeless at making a decision? Especially about food. It's very strange.

You're both offering small tastes of your food to the other. You both ordered food. Your husband didn't not order then try to take yours off your plate. They're very different situations. You and your husband are respectful. OP's husband isn't. He's rude and she can't have just her own food, he literally wants what she's having. It's not nice, it's a control move.

DH will deny he wants something and then later take some of mine.

Funnily enough I think this type of behaviour is attached with a personality type.

Selfish arse type, of either sex, that has little respect for others or self awareness.

It's not a once off, it is clear some people don't like it, yet they persist in doing it.

My friends husband used to do it and it bugged her.
She would tell him not to, but it continued.

She stopped buying anything sweet at all for the house and took to having an emergency bar in her bag hidden away.

He was always saying he didn't have a sweet tooth, while taking anything of hers that she bought.

She just said she too was limiting her sugar.
He was very grumpy about it and eventually started buying treats for "visitors".

Giving someone a taste is fine, forced sharing would give me the rage.

Why don't you buy it for him, "just in case"? If he asks for your portion, you give him the extra one. (I bet he will be pissed off/ angry)

How did lunch go?!

I think with this sort of thing, the key is holding the boundary. If you’ve asked and he’s refused, you never give him some when he changes his mind. Otherwise it’s mixed messaging and you can’t really blame him for trying his luck.

I can see why it’s annoying, you’ve mentioned it’s not an issue around finance.
In all honesty he’s your husband and if you’re happy otherwise, I’d go with the flow, just make sure to order him the drink/cookie/crisps regardless? Maybe stop asking him if he wants xyz, just get him his portion, and if he says anything, make a joke well you keep taking mine?! Marriage is a partnership, definitely not easy over the long term, and this does feel like something you
could find a compromise on

Drives me absolutely mad… although usually my ex would eat his then ask to ‘try’ mine! And take the biggest bite that I found it really greedy! He used to make my DD cry when he took a giant sized bite out of something of hers … she soon learnt that when he asked to ‘try’ her burger or whatever it was, to say ‘I’ll leave you some!’ Then she had control of how much… I learnt to order similar to him or something I knew he wouldn’t want 🤣 now my DD who drinks like a fish will demolish her drinks (she usually orders 2) then before I know it she’s finished mine too!! Drives me nuts

Maybe he doesn’t want a whole cookie/bag of crisps etc.. but considers a small piece of yours enough? Is he weight conscious?

I would go ahead and just get it for him too, and if he asks why say because you’re gonna ask for some of mine and I don’t wanna share. With my kids, somebody would eat it if he really truly didn’t want it!

That would annoy me and actually give me the rage

But i would just buy him one of whatever i was getting. Even if he said no
Crisps, cookies, Chocolate. Whatever it was

I would tell my partner to order what they wanted in the first place

How do you conceal a dessert in a cafe?

Yabu. Its food and you won't starve if you share some.

Likewise, her DH won't starve if he's told no or to get his own.

Nor will he if she doesn't share.

I’m with you, that’s really annoying. I would stop
sharing now, he’s been told plenty of times

@LiveLaffLurve How did Sunday lunch go? Did DH do his usual thieving of your food?

Do you think he’s trying to get you to eat less treats? Would be a nasty thing to do if it was but maybe he feels one between two for grown adults is the right amount? I don’t agree with this by the way. I’d be as annoyed as you.

Is he overweight/health conscious? Trying to resist and then failing when he sees yours? If it's not a money thing, I'd stop asking and buy him some.

Cant believe youve got 3 kids with.him yet you cant say no just keep saying no and reply with no you said you didnt want any get your own and sharing drinks is just disgusting

It sounds like you’re having a lot of junk food. Cookie, crisps and bar of chocolate in the last few days? Maybe his taking some of yours is his way of subtly trying to get you to cut down.

Just say no, go buy your own if you want one/some. Not a big deal

Staring longingly at the small bite = acceptable if you’re a hungry animal.

From a human being who is perfectly capable of getting their own portion- no way!

Bollocks

It’s massively annoying. I would be annoyed too OP.