AIBU to refuse to share food when DH changes his mind?

[LiveLaffLurve]

First world problem but this is driving me bonkers!

I do not like to share food; I know it’s odd, but I cannot stand people taking food from my plate or being asked for a share. It has to be on my terms if I offer (which I 9/10 do) or if I’m done, I’ll offer the rest.

It’s not about having to eat it all or not wanting to share, it’s just something I do not like to do. I will happily share a meal if it’s pre planned and expected, but my portion is my portion until I’m done.

Every time we are out for food or shopping, without fail, DH will deny he wants something and then later take some of mine. It makes me so inexplicably angry!

In the past few days alone:

We stopped for a coffee at a shop with the DC. The DC wanted cookies for after their lunch. I asked DH if he wanted one, he said no. I asked if he was sure as I also was getting one and he said he was sure he didn’t want one.

When DH had finished lunch he said “how many cookies did you buy?”. I said 4 ; one each for me and the DC as he didn’t want one. He replied with “oh ok, let me know if you don’t want some of yours”.

Aka, I’ll have a bit of yours. I ended up giving him some of mine.

Me: “DH do you want some crisps to go with your sandwich?”
Him: “No”.
Me: “ Are you sure?”
Him: “Yes I’m sure “

We sit down and he says “oh I’ll have a few of your crisps to go in my sandwich”.

Same with drinks. Do you want a drink? No. Then will either ask if theres any drinks “spare” or just take a “sip” of mine!

Now this is a regular occurrence and it’s starting to really annoy me as I always feel guilty or that I’m being odd and end up giving him some. I don’t mind when I’m done, but not before that.

Today when I had a small bar of chocolate and he asked for a piece, I said no and I told him why. He had not wanted chocolate when we were in the shop otherwise he should have got his own.

I stuck to my guns and I ate the chocolate. He thinks I’m mean.

It’s not about money as these sort of spends come out of our household pot. He just doesn’t want it until he does.

AIBU to refuse to share until he gets the message?

That's so rude . You're not entitled to anyone's food. If you fancy some bu y some

We often share or offer a bite of something but if we want half a pudding, we decide before it arrives.
But for the love of all that's holy and hygienic, WHO SHARES DRINKS?

Thats so wasteful

He needs to learn to take responsibility for his decisions

It's the way he does it. Just assuming he can take something of someone else's instead of politely asking

Yeah, but if he wont op needs a strategy. Mine would be not to even ask. Just get enough cookies for everyone. Problem solved.

It depends in whether she wants to be perpetually cross about it or do something that mitigates it. I wouldnt want to be annoyed all the time. So I'd do what was in my power to ensure it!

I can see that if you don't want a whole bag of crisps or just a bite of cake you don't want to order a whole one. And I would often be happy to share cake as I usually don't really want a whole portion. However, in that situation you have a discussion along the lines of "do you fancy sharing a slice?", not let the other person think they are ordering just for themselves and then ask for some. I will share bags of crisps in the pub, but mostly if I have bought a bag it's because I want to eat a whole bag.

I wonder where mumsnets reputation of massively overreacting about men comes from....

What a rational response. There has been a few threads recently where it seems very performative anger over innocuous foibles.

A lot of men have grown up believing implicitly that their wants are supremely important. Their parents taught them this, they expect their wives to prioritise and facilitate them the same way.

I’d guess there’s something about women generally being much more aware of what they’re eating, so making very conscious choices. This is why women choose with their heads but can be overcome by temptation - so ask for a taste.

With men though, money aside, I’d imagine it’s more about operating in a world of plenty and seeing no reason not to follow their appetite.

Either dont share and remind him he repeatedly said he didn’t want any. Or buy him some anyway so he has his own/ask for a glass of tap water for him to drink. You can always take a bag of crisps or cookie home.

Im a sharer and I want to share my food and others

I wouldnt eat a whole cookie, I just want a bite, so wouldnt order myself one. I wouldnt want a bag of crisps, I just want a couple so wouldnt order a bag

So I just want a taster of something and in return someone has a taster of my food as well whatever that is.

Do love the over the top responses though, kick him out, LTB, he's vile, he's selfish, its about men prioritising their needs... blah blah blah

Honestly.

I feel your pain. When I go out and leave my spaniels alone for a prolonged period I leave the tv on (erm, for company and to put off anyone thinking of breaking in as it looks like someone’s in). Anyhoo, I carefully select the animation channel or similar to ensure the news/politics shows don’t crop up to radicalise them. Gawd help me if they spent an afternoon with GBNews blaring.

I didn’t say I would help myself, I just said I can understand why it’s appealing. My method is to just stare longingly at the small bite I want in the hope they’ll willingly give it up. 😂

But then you ask at the outset, ‘Do you want to split a desert/bag of crisps?’ and then the person can say ‘Good idea’ or ‘No, I want a whole one’ and then you can order accordingly. That’s great - your expectations are fully managed and you know what you’re going to get.

To say no in the full expectation that you are going to take someone else’s food that they hadn’t planned for and were looking forward to is really fucking annoying. I’ll often split a desert with my DP, and if we go to McDonald’s or somewhere and I only want a few chips I’ll suggest getting a large portion so I can have a couple. The difference is that we know at the point of ordering what we can expect from the meal. If I don’t want all my food I’ll happily offer what’s left to DP, but there’s no expectation on his part that it’s probable or even possible.

My husband has this annoying habit with added superiority.

Every Saturday after a week of eating clean I treat myself to something.

"Will you get something?"

"Oh noooo, not for me. I'm being good!" Insert smug smile.

5 hours later, I come through with my snack...

"Ohhh I wish I had got one now." Insert sad face.

Makes me so angry, as I then stupidly feel guilty eating my snack. I even warn him that I won't share and I still feel the guilt!

Don't ask, get him what you're having. If he ask what's this, answer it is to stop you pulling what I want off my plate, so enjoy! If he says he didn't want it, say fine, ask for a doggy box well take it home. Change the rules of the food game, you take control of the board.

I’d suspect something like this, too. It would leave me feeling like he was making it his mission to make sure I wasn’t allowed anything, however small and insignificant, that was mine alone.

This would annoy me too. If he wants a cookie or whatever, he's quite capable of going back to the counter/shop etc to get himself one. Eating yours shouldn't be an option.
It's very entitled of him to think he can just take yours. Stamp it out. If he doesn't benefit from his weird behaviour he might stop doing it.

This has to win the prize as the most random wrong thread post ever.

Fucking hell, how is he still alive?! 🤬

It isn’t, though. It’s referring to the conversation about the black Labrador that votes reform 😆

Not wanting to share your portion isn’t odd at all. Your OH is being unreasonable.

🙏 Thanks - I didn’t think it was random, either! But I’ve RTFT…

I wouldn’t have married him. If this is new behaviour then stab his hand with your fork to deter him.

Seriously I couldn’t cope with this at all. He needs to stop it.