AIBU to refuse to share food when DH changes his mind?

[LiveLaffLurve]

First world problem but this is driving me bonkers!

I do not like to share food; I know it’s odd, but I cannot stand people taking food from my plate or being asked for a share. It has to be on my terms if I offer (which I 9/10 do) or if I’m done, I’ll offer the rest.

It’s not about having to eat it all or not wanting to share, it’s just something I do not like to do. I will happily share a meal if it’s pre planned and expected, but my portion is my portion until I’m done.

Every time we are out for food or shopping, without fail, DH will deny he wants something and then later take some of mine. It makes me so inexplicably angry!

In the past few days alone:

We stopped for a coffee at a shop with the DC. The DC wanted cookies for after their lunch. I asked DH if he wanted one, he said no. I asked if he was sure as I also was getting one and he said he was sure he didn’t want one.

When DH had finished lunch he said “how many cookies did you buy?”. I said 4 ; one each for me and the DC as he didn’t want one. He replied with “oh ok, let me know if you don’t want some of yours”.

Aka, I’ll have a bit of yours. I ended up giving him some of mine.

Me: “DH do you want some crisps to go with your sandwich?”
Him: “No”.
Me: “ Are you sure?”
Him: “Yes I’m sure “

We sit down and he says “oh I’ll have a few of your crisps to go in my sandwich”.

Same with drinks. Do you want a drink? No. Then will either ask if theres any drinks “spare” or just take a “sip” of mine!

Now this is a regular occurrence and it’s starting to really annoy me as I always feel guilty or that I’m being odd and end up giving him some. I don’t mind when I’m done, but not before that.

Today when I had a small bar of chocolate and he asked for a piece, I said no and I told him why. He had not wanted chocolate when we were in the shop otherwise he should have got his own.

I stuck to my guns and I ate the chocolate. He thinks I’m mean.

It’s not about money as these sort of spends come out of our household pot. He just doesn’t want it until he does.

AIBU to refuse to share until he gets the message?

Tbh, I'd probably just start buying one for him even if he says he doesn't want one, for things like cookies, crisps, and chocolate bars. If he asks for yours, tell him to go get his from the cupboard or wherever. If he doesn't ask, it's a bonus one for another time. Maybe less appropriate for things that will go stale quickly, but for anything else, I don't see a downside.

I'd stop sharing your portion of food altogether, though. I'd tell him this is it as far as sharing goes and not to expect any leftovers or crumbs from you from now on. If you're often giving him part of your food, even of your own free will after you're done, you've almost trained him to expect it, and now he's gone one step further by asking you before you offer.

What would be having a fascist dog have to do with understanding that the idea of putting crisps in a sandwich is something only a child would do?

You raised a fascist dog. 😆

Have a cheese and onion crisp sandwich and enjoy yourself !

It's not odd. At all. Some don't mind, many do.

Of course you're not being unreasonable.

‘Let me know if you don’t want some of yours’ - for FS this would piss me off. He knows full well that you want it and is trying to guilt trip you. Sorry OP but you married a cheeky fucker.

I didn't raise it as fascist. Labour declared it him to be fascist last week. It was quite a surprise.

Maybe the vets can do something?🐶

Exactly ..oh I'll have some of your crisps
No you fucking won't
You know where they live get your own.

Honestly that would do my head in.

This thread has made me want crisps, specifically Tayto cheese and onion from the International aisle at Coles or Woolies..

YANBU, OP. At its best, its bloody annoying, at worst, low-level controlling behaviour, like the weird fecker on a recent thread who wanted to watch the OP eat food, then dive in on her leftovers, while not ordering or asking for his own.

No this would annoy me, I don’t mind generally speaking sharing that’s not the issue, but it’s the constant same situation happening again and again as well as automatic assumption it seems that oh well he can just have some of yours. I think what the crux of it is is that he automatic assumption that you have to and will sacrifice your needs irrespective of whether you may want it all that your needs come second, as well as his inability to forward think or consider that oh he actually he might want something a bit later (which if he does, tough, that’s the consequence, you had your chance and didn’t take it 🤷‍♀️)

That would really annoy me. Surely he must realise he’s doing this? Is he always on a diet and trying to be good?! Calories don’t count from someone else’s plate and all that?
Definitely just say no.

This is how I see it. In most cases, the portions are too large for one so it makes sense to share rather than buying two portions for one person who wants 3/4 of a portion and will either leave the rest or eat it because it's there and the other person who literally just wants a bit and will be happy eating what they know the other person is likely to leave anyway.

But obviously you've got to agree to this strategy and if you say you just want a bit, you've got to stick to it.

Oh I am married to one of those! My husband does not seem to get hungry in the day unless he sees the food. I now don’t ask him if he wants something I just put it in front of him.

Is he doing it to save money? Or is he of the mindset that if it isn’t his, the calories don’t count?

Just NO! Hth.

This would drive me nuts. My ex used to say he didn't want an ice cream then would want a bite of mine - I agreed once or twice but after that made it clear he had to get his own as I wanted to enjoy eating the whole thing.

You need to be absolutely clear that you will only share if there's any left, he needs to take responsibility for his own choices.

Op doesnt need to explain to him, he knows already hes upsetting her
Hes doing it to feed off the reaction
Its called baiting
THEY KNOW
What you doing when you explain is feed their need for control
You JADE
Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain

This gives them a feeling of control so they bait you more
Stop reacting
Firm NO

This is unhinged that it happens so often.

Stop asking him as if its up for debate. You said money is no issue so buy additional portions every time from now on. Buy 5 cookies next time, order 2 desserts etc. There is NO debate and if he doesnt eat it, save it for later or throw it away.

I would bet money he throws a strop because it was never about the food it was a power game he was playing at your expense. Nasty man.

My husband does this too so I always add one for him as I know him too well!

I can see why he does it. I don’t have a sweet tooth and never order dessert but sometimes if I spot someone else eating one, I fancy just a bit, but not a whole one to myself. Sometimes it’s the same with crisps - don’t want a full bag but just a bit of crunch in my sandwich.

It’s annoying, I admit! But I understand why he does it.

I would just order dh one.

On sunday I'd order my dessert and say 2 cheesecakes please. And when they arrive put one in front of dh.

Buying cookies? I wouldnt ask. Just buy 5. Getting a drink? Dont ask just do him one. Crisps with lunch? Put a pack on his plate. He can always put them back if he doesnt want one. A glass of tap water can always water a plant.

Just head it off. Dont ask. Just adjust. You'll never have to share your food again! And if he doesnt want the cheesecake? Doggy bag to go please.

That’s very annoying. I would get in the habit of saying ‘just to let you know I’ll be eating all of mine. Now, do you want one?’ Then follow through by eating all of mine.

I do understand his ‘I don’t want a whole one, just a taste’ mentality but it is childish. Be a grown up and commit to having one, or not.

My husband used to do tgus. I started saying no. Then I started saying are you sure as you're not having some of mine so for even ask. If he did I'd say I told you not to ask. Now he always orders for him too. Just stick to your guns

I'd find it annoying that instead of saying "actually I've changed my mind. Please could I have some of yours?" he passively aggressively says "let me know if you don't want some if yours" or just helps himself to yours. Very rude