AIBU to snap after DH dragged out simple holiday hotel advice?

[Diagno]

I’m trying to book a holiday but DH said his mate from work goes to this holiday spot every single year and he’d been telling him all about it and would be able to give us some great advice. I know how this goes … DH will hang on this guys every word no matter what I say so I said to him “ok, well I’m a bit stuck on hotels so ask him about that tomorrow (today)”

Do he comes home from work tonight and this was the convo

Me: did you ask your mate about hotels?
DH: yeah he was saying he goes every year without fail so they know all about it
Me: ok, what did he say about hotels?
DH: well, normally they go in November time but he was saying this time he got a last minute deal for October!
Me: and what did he say about hotels?
Dh: well he knows how how to get the best deals, he said they pay £3k max, nothing like the prices you were getting
Me: did you ask him about hotels??
DH: yeah he said you should ring him and he’ll tell you all about it …

At this point he starts to do an impression of me ringing this guy up complete with me typing the numbers, holding the phone to my ear waiting for an answer, saying hello etc etc … I let this ridiculousness complete and then said …

Me: well it’s just hotels I’m interested in really, did you ask him?
DH: Yeah, he recommended a few, he said you don’t need anything fancy
Me: DH!! Can you just tell me the hotels he recommended for the love of god!?
DH: I wrote them down but left the paper at work, I’ll get it tomorrow

FFS he could have just come in and said “spoke to mate, I’ve left the recommendations at work though so I’ll get them tomorrow”

WTF does he do this?? He does it all the time! It’s like he deliberately withholds the important information you’re waiting for but why?

WIBU for snapping at him and telling him what a waste of time that whole conversation was?

Because I’d want a follow up question on what specifically she wanted to know about the hotels. Yes means she then can ask specifically what about the hotels in order of importance to her. Like did any of the hotels have pools? What was the cost per night of the four star hotels? Did any hotels have an airport shuttle? Which hotels did your mate recommend? Etc

Do you want the honest answer?

He does this because: he has more respect for his friend than he does for you. He believes everyone except you, especially when they exaggerate about the price they paid for a holiday and they think you’re on the internet getting ripped off because it couldn’t possibly be that you’re smart enough to get the best price! He doesn’t care that you’re frustrated. He knows he’s being a dick but he doesn’t care because you’ll still do his washing, take care of the kids (insert all the unpaid labour you do).

I have known many men like this. My Dad, my ex, my BIL and my current partner so it’s no judgement on you. I just don’t think they care. I don’t book holidays anymore. I am openly rude when my OH asks what I think, I respond ‘I don’t care, book whatever.’ And if he didn’t book it I wouldn’t have a holiday, I couldn’t give a shit anymore. If the hotel is wank it’s his fault, if the flight times are shit, it’s his fault etc etc. I’m finished being the organised and I’m not ever listening to anyone tell me what I should have done or Joe Bloggs got a better (made up) price anymore. Just do what he does which seems like fuck all. If that means you don’t go then don’t go 🤷🏻‍♀️ or go with a friend.

Thinking his mate knows better than his wife is very much a "man" thing which is so bloody annoying. But I'd have been really pissed off at the silly impersonation of me. What was that about? Was it done in a sneery way? It's hard to imagine that it wasn't. Does he often mock you?

I think you would get on a real treat with OP’s husband.

I’d have taken it as OP wanting dh to say something along the lines of, “yes I asked, he said The Queen and The Royal are the nicest hotels in the area.

I am trying to help OP see how she can improve communication by asking clear and specific questions. That whole exchange must have been irritating to both of them.

i do this , say 100 words when 20 would of been enough .its an ADHD thing with me , drives my husband mad . I also do it when writing emails etc but now I’ve found chat gpt I get it to slim them down as I’m very much aware I do it now ☺️

Are you sure you’re not biased towards thinking that because you already knew that she really wanted names of hotels?

THIS. THIS TIMES A BILLION. 'Oh but he's great dad' etc. There isn't enough money in the world that would induce me to live with a man ever again.

Ha! I know exactly how frustrating that conversation goes. You have my sympathies.

Just get your arse onto Tripadvisor and find somewhere you like the look of and that has great reviews

I think that’s the OP’s DH responding to you 🤪

My brother does this. I don't know how my SIL sticks it. Maybe she tunes out. He gets very annoyed if you try to move the narrative along so after a few bad family blow ups we all now just wait it out. I honestly think it's just part of their personalities and they take it as personal criticism if you comment.

Shame poor you. My FIL is like this. As was my MIL. I’d either have to escape before I blew a fuse or go into a coma and think of what I’d do when they’d buggered off/ how to get them to bugger off quicker.
If I were you I’d say “ I understand you admire (friend). If you had five words to tell me which hotel to book, what would you say?” If he doesn’t give a sufficient answer, I wouldn’t engage with any of his demands until he refocuses.

My mother-in-law is like this - can talk the hind legs off a donkey buy has a pathological aversion to answering questions.

'What time do you want dropping at the station?'
'Well we've booked lunch for one o clock at the Lion, Alan likes the fish n' chips there'
'Right...so what time train are you thinking of getting later?'
'It takes about two and a half hours if we need to change at Doncaster but it's ok because we can get a coffee'
'OK, so what time do you need to be at the station? It's just I'll drop some books at a friend's on the way and could do with letting them know roughly when it'll be'
'Alan could do with a couple of hours at home to get ready for Linda and Ray coming round tomorrow'
'So what train are you thinking then?'
'Mind you they're not coming round til midday'

...and so on and so forth.

I know why they do it. It's because they don't know, but they don't want you to think they don't know, so they answer some other question instead so that they can still appear knowledgeable.

Just say: "are you not telling me because you don't know?" or "what question do you think I just asked you?"

Shame you don’t need to be a man to recognise that asking a vague question “did you ask about hotels” on repeat isn’t going to get you the specific information you want quickly.

Common sense would have told me she was after hotel recommendations. No
point recommending a hotel if you don’t volunteer its name.

Possibly, if so Hi D!

😅😅😅

Thanks everyone for the replies, I wasn’t expecting so many!
I can now confirm I have the “list” of hotels which features 2 actual hotels. One is a dive, the other one is ok but not what I want so I’ve decided on one I found myself.

To answer a few questions … the impressions DH does are not meant to be piss taking believe it or not … he does it all the time! Examples:

“We could go out for burgers?” (He’ll then do an impression of himself taking the top off a burger, putting sauce on, replacing the lid and then eating it with both hands)

“breaks my heart to see that” (he’ll then do an impression of himself suddenly experiencing chest pain and keeling over)

“hope that chicken was ok otherwise we’ll both be glued to the toilet tomorrow” (he’ll then do an impression of someone gripping their stomach and clutching their bum whilst making groaning noises)

So the impressions have been a feature for a long long time and he does them about himself as well as other people so I don’t think there’s malice in it, it’s just bloody annoying because some go on for ages whilst you’re waiting to resume the conversation.

The round the houses conversations drive me INSANE though. An example from last week

me: did you go to your GP appointment this morning?
DH: yeah, did you know they have closed the round about on top of Cherry lane?
me: oh? Anyway what did GP say?
DH: it’s going to be closed until next month!
me: the GP said that did he? Haha … so what did GP say?
DH: haha no I saw it on Facebook
me: Right, are you going to tell me what GP said or not?
DH: yeah course I am, that car park at the surgery is a nightmare, it’s such tight corners (Insert impression of him manoeuvring tight corners complete with gear changes etc)
me:And the gp said?
DH: well … I got there at just gone 9 and …
me: Look sorry but I’m waiting to go out, just tell me what the GP said please
DH: oh … it’s nothing, just a normal mole

Jesus H Christ

Oh my god @Diagno he sounds insufferable with those impressions 😂 I'm assuming he has good points though.

He's just longwinded, that's all. Understandable you get frustrated at times though.

I loved the suggestion someone had of me doing an impression of him with the deep voice etc 😂😂😂

Have you ever watched Friday night dinner? Because I think you've married a Martin...