AIBU to feel put off when he hints at staying over? Dating in menopause

[Slowromance]

I've met a lovely man online- he's friendly, kind nice and I really like him. We met at the end of August and have probably had 10 dates. I've had the chat with him about wanting to go slow with the physical side due to menopause and also, I tend to only gather attraction to someone when I like them a lot and develop feelings for them. This is developing nicely for me- I enjoy seeing him, cuddling and kissing and there are stirrings of wanting more so I'm confident this will develop on. He's said he's fine with a slow pace but a few hints are creeping in (he's coming for dinner at the weekend and he's said "shall I bring my toothbrush just in case?") The thing is, every time he pushes even slightly, it pushes me away.
Has anyone else dated in menopause and felt the same? Any advice gratefully received!

Can you describe what it is about menopause that is affecting your feelings about getting intimate?

Why can't he stay over but not have sex? Even if you sleep in the same bed, you can set boundaries. Maybe he just would like to spend more time with you. Obviously, you don't have to let him stay over but I don't think it has to mean having sex with him.

He’s a man - he will want to he this leg over …
that’s why he made the comment to test
the waters !
You can tell him you want to take it slow. It’s up to him whether he wants to wait or decides it’s not worth it .
simple.

I'm not sure the relevance of menopause?

You either fancy him or you don't.
You either want a sexual relationship or you don't.
As PP, you don't have to have sex to share a bed.

I think losing confidence- feeling quite overwhelmed, stressful job etc
On the plus side, it's also given me a strong sense of self and I'm keen to keep boundaries

He’s getting fed up of waiting. 10 dates, 2 months in.

Nah, not the classic slow burn. You've had ten dates. If you don't fancy him by now...

This is such simple but good advice thank you! I guess I'd kind of though lt staying over automatically meant sex but it doesn't have to, you're right!

You stand your ground OP. Do what you are comfortable with and don’t listen to these other posters who want you to compromise.

It's just one month

Keep your boundaries, go at your pace. He might get bored but that's not a reason to sleep with him when you don't want to.

I think it sounds like he’s being pretty patient tbh - I think if he’s willing to go along with your timelines but makes the odd comment to test the waters then fine.

also maybe he could stay without you necessarily having sex? Maybe he’d rather not be driving so he can have a drink with dinner?

I do fancy him!

Oh yeah he's very lovely and patient , I hope my post didn't seem like I was slagging him off as he is great

This is how I feel really, I know I definitely will wnat to and I think fairly soon. I'm probably just nervous!

Thanks! I do have experience of this. I did internet dating when I was about 50 and well into menopause. I met some lovely men - still friends with some - and did spend nights with some of them but didn't have sex with them all. I think just literally sleeping with someone is really nice.

Tbh, if you didn’t want him to stay over you should have gone out for dinner.

He’ll be wanting sex if he stays.

You have had 10 dates, you don’t feel ready. Please dont let him stay over unless you specifically chat to him about how you feel. You dont know him that well and it would be awful if he tried to pressure you or take advantage

Are you afraid he might lose interest after he's had sex with you?

IMO it’s sounds like you are playing a game OP, a power game on your part. Re read what you wrote:

“This is developing nicely for me- I enjoy seeing him, cuddling and kissing and there are stirrings of wanting more so I'm confident this will develop on.“

all on your terms, all when you decide.

I have already chatted to him and he has been lovely . I'm not ready yet so I will make sure I'm not in vulnerable position

Definitely not power play or a game at all! Also not all on my terms but equally both people need to be ready and happy

No I don't think so as he is very lovely

Oh gosh I hate that he's practically inviting himself to stay the night! I don't care if it's been a hundred dates, where's the etiquette.. I was dating a guy and he'd always pack an overnight bag "just encase" and this assumption really put me off.
I also find with inviting them over for dinner hard because they don't know when to leave and I have been left feeling awkward trying to kick them out! I don't like this expectation to take it further, but I'm not really interested in all that.. quite frankly I find it boring and a good conversation far more riveting 😂

They all start off 'so lovely '..