AIBU to feel put off when he hints at staying over? Dating in menopause

[Slowromance]

I've met a lovely man online- he's friendly, kind nice and I really like him. We met at the end of August and have probably had 10 dates. I've had the chat with him about wanting to go slow with the physical side due to menopause and also, I tend to only gather attraction to someone when I like them a lot and develop feelings for them. This is developing nicely for me- I enjoy seeing him, cuddling and kissing and there are stirrings of wanting more so I'm confident this will develop on. He's said he's fine with a slow pace but a few hints are creeping in (he's coming for dinner at the weekend and he's said "shall I bring my toothbrush just in case?") The thing is, every time he pushes even slightly, it pushes me away.
Has anyone else dated in menopause and felt the same? Any advice gratefully received!

As it bloody should be! Are you suggesting she should have sex before she feels comfortable doing so?

I am not trying to shame anyone. That’s a bizarre take on what I said.
We can tie ourselves in knots prior to having sex - especially at a certain age and when it has been ‘a while’ (both apply to me!) - worrying about our bodies or if we’ve lost our touch. Sometimes it really is best to just get on with it!
The other thing is to ascertain if there’s sexual chemistry. I’ve never had a one-night stand in my life but see no point in waiting for months, building an emotional connection, only to find that you don’t work together in bed.
Bottom line, we’re all different. The OP isn’t necessarily in the wrong. But nor is the bloke she’s seeing. We’re all entitled to our opinions and preferences.

No I just enjoy sex and don't use it as a bargaining chip or a reward for good behaviour.

I'm not bargaining it or using it for good behaviour. Me having sex is about me- not it's power or reward over someone else

I'm the same as you and said so early in the thread, but the OP has made it quite clear she'd rather establish a good relationship first then work on the crappy sex if necessary, than the other way round. And fair enough to her, not everyone values the same things.

But you do call other women who do not, ‘prudes’ don’t you?

Women who don't enjoy sex but use it to bargain and reward? Yes.

Ars you suggesting that I am a porn star who uses her baby for sexual content because I disagree with you?

But that isn't what OP is doing, you're like a fucking dog with a bone, you've made your point many many times, stop trying to bait the OP

That was a low blow, I'm sorry. And for fwiw I don't disagree with you, but I didn't like what you were implying.
Report my post if you want. It was in bad taste 😞 and I reacted angrily.

Good for you

there is no rush

a month is nothing

Im replying to comments that quote me. Like you just did.

I have already.

Maybe log off for the day or something.

But who on this thread has done that?

You should also log off you've spent this thread telling me ill be sadly single looking at social media and whatsapp pages and I am a sexless prude!
No room here for you taking the higher ground because someone called you Bonnie Blue

You've made it clear that as long as he is a good companion, you don't care about sexual compatibility

I think there is.

Nope never once- I've said many times the opposite

Hahahahah OK

Double standards

I just quoted your post saying as much.

I jokingly called you Bonnie i never even said which Bonnie which was not great, but what you are doing to the OP, and probably a lot of women on this thread is slightly worse I feel.

No one, woman or man, should ever feel they have to do anything they do not feel 100% comfortable with. OP has been clear about her requirements regarding her time of life.

Bonnie Blue is a woman who sexually exploits her child. I'm calling the OP a prude. I think there is a bit of a difference.

Weird thread to read because the OP asked whether she's unreasonable to be put off by his hints about staying the night, but it ended up as a debate on whether she's unreasonable to want to take it slow.

Of course she's not unreasonable and of course she should take everything at whatever pace is comfortable for her, regardless of what he wants. But he's also not unreasonable to want sex, to think a month is an appropriate length of time for it to be on the cards, and to hint accordingly. He would be immensely unreasonable to pester or push but from what the OP has written, his hints have been mild and he's accepted her boundaries, so... there doesn't seem to be a problem at all.