AIBU to wonder if I am neurodivergent and burnt out at work

[RosaXx]

In recent years, I’ve wondered if I am neurodivergent. (some examples for context:)

• Struggled with insomnia and anxiety since childhood. Around age 10.
• Sensitivity to noise. I can also pick up on noises, such as beeps and buzzes that other people around me can’t hear.
• Dislike being in crowded places and can become extremely panicky and stressed.
• I have been told I have a very serious face, even when I am happy or enjoying something.
• My school reports were “Rosa is a pleasure to have in class, is intelligent but needs to contribute more”. I would never contribute in class. I preferred to observe and stay silent.
• I am a hoarder. I find it very difficult to part ways with things. Even clothes I do not like and haven’t worn in years.
• I struggle with time keeping in my personal life. No matter how much I prep for something I am always running late by a few minutes and flustered when leaving.

Anyway, I have worked in corporate roles for the past 10 or so years. I believe I interview very well. Despite my anxiety disorder I can fake confidence very well. I have been offered the job for every interview I have attended. I have very good IT and admin skills, great attention to detail and my colleagues often ask me to check their presentations for any mistakes and feedback.

However, I feel like I really struggle within this “world”.

• I hate any type of “mingling” and networking. I can’t do it. I can’t go and chat to random people. I often have to excuse myself and hide in the toilets at any type of thing like that. I prefer to be alone.
• Same with “team away days”. I feel they are pointless and have even rang in sick to avoid going to them. I hate them. I panic. I would rather sit by myself in the office and just work rather than play games and listen to presentations that I can’t concentrate on, because I can hear other people breathe, cough, take a drink etc.
• After work I am mentally exhausted. It is a struggle to get changed or cook a quick dinner. Sometimes I go straight to bed and just lie in silence even though I cant sleep until 3am.
• I sit through countless meetings which are pointless. Or meetings about an upcoming meeting. Everything could be so much more simpler in an email. With clear short instructions. At the end everyone says how helpful and insightful they are. But I just sit there thinking “WTF is this?”
• I feel I work best when I do work from written clear short instructions. I panic with verbal instructions and often follow up for clarification via email.

Although I enjoy my role and do think I am a good worker I am feeling more and more tired or “burnt out”. I feel I may not be compatible with this type of work, but what else can I do? Administration in corporate has been my job for my whole adult life since leaving university.

Is anyone similar to me and do you have a diagnosis for ADHD/Autism? I am not sure if a diagnosis would help or change anything but I am curious.

I realise this may be very very long so thank you if you have got this far.

@RosaXx I would get this moved asap to Mental Health or Chat as you're gonna get a pile on & although many MNetters are helpful/nice regardless of whether they agree or disagree there's quite a few who are down right nasty.

Please stop.

People with autism can be comfortable with friends because they know them well, can predict their reactions and often can be with them 1:1.

work interactions involve a number of unknowns which, as an autistic person, make it exhausting.

• having to converse in a meeting with multiple people involves knowing when to speak, when to stay quiet, how formal to be.
• making small talk and being polite but in a superficial way is very different from sharing interests with friends when relaxed
• Having to socialise in a staff room or away day means prolonged conversation with people you don’t know very well.

OP your original post sounds very ND to me. I have an official diagnosis and this sounds like me.Spending hours in bed after work-yep. Avoiding anxiety induced situations/ yep. Difficulties with organising and time keePing- yep.

Lots of people on this thread will comment without having any real lived experience of how exhausting and difficult this is. Hence the comments of ‘why does it matter?’.

I suggest looking at the National Autistic Society Website and specifically how autism presents in women.

I fall asleep between 3-4am most nights. And up at 7 for work.

please stop trying to make me feel even more inferior than I actually am

please stop.

oleasr stop please stop

OP please ignore these people. Some people on here are truly awful. Seek out proper advice from charities. Happy to chat via DM

I can relate to what you say and I'm 99.99999% sure I have ADHD.
I'm also getting bloods done to check my hormone levels but when I was in the doctors this week I basically broke down and I think I have been in fight or flight mode my whole life and I am now struggling to mask it all

I slept a max of 3 hrs per day for a few weeks and was quickly seen in A&E because I was mentally going mad. Was signed off work for months. How anyone can go years sleeping that way is a mystery to me. Its incredibly dangerous.

Why are so many people piling on the OP here? FFS, take a look at yourselves.

Hi OP
I think a diagnosis can help with understanding yourself but you then need to follow up with some kind of autism coach or therapist to work out what your triggers are, what can help you cope etc. I think there is a work autism coach on Facebook reels rhat might help you with suggestions. For example say you can cope with two on camera meetings per day with breaks in between but your job currently has 4. You can ask that you attend two with camera on, turn your camera off in one and read through the transcript of another. It's fine to routinely ask people for follow up instructions in a few bullets to check your understanding

I agree with those who have said it sounds like you have good reason to seek a diagnosis. I was diagnosed both autistic and ADHD a year ago via the Right to Choose route. I identify with a lot of the things you have mentioned, and I can see that there is a big impact on your day to day wellbeing. Having a diagnosis has allowed me to be kinder to myself, explained why I've always felt like I don't fit in (despite desperately trying to!) and helped me feel ok about asking for accommodations and saying no to things I won't cope with. I think it's very common for women to mask really well and then to burn out later, as the cumulative effect of years of masking takes its toll (and peri/ menopause can have a big effect too, not sure if that's relevant to you) I really hope you can get some answers and some understanding 💐

I am so sorry people have upset you, OP. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my thirties (plus suspected autism like others on this thread) and medication helps me massively with some of the symptoms you describe.

Sorry if someone has already linked it but this screening questionnaire might help you see if you score highly enough to get referred by the GP: https://adhduk.co.uk/adult-adhd-screening-survey/

I am just like you in that my symptoms are mainly an issue for work. Except that it burned me out so much that it eventually meant I also did not have much of a social life. I also hate away days and meetings, am sensitive to noise and leave a trail of chaotic mess everywhere I go. Do you have piles of stuff everywhere where you've started to try to sort things out and then got overwhelmed and just left it in a pile? And then started another one somewhere else? Those are called ADHD doom piles.

You're not alone. You don't have to struggle on because you can hold down a job and appear to be ok to the outside world. There is help out there. Yes the waits are long and meds aren't a magic fix but if they can work for you then the wait is worth it, they are life changing.

You deserve to have some energy left at the end of the day for you. Meds are the only thing that have given me that. But in the meantime neurodivergent coaching can also be really helpful if you can afford it privately or get it through work.

I really hope you come back to this thread and see this and the other helpful comments. I'll be thinking of you ❤️

This is exactly how I feel about work. I feel as on the outside I pretend everything is fine as I am really competent and meticulous with my work. But on the inside I can’t cope with the unknown and what to speak about or when to speak. Where to look in the camera on a teams meeting. Or who to look at in a person meeting. Shall I look at the floor or will I come across as rude? If I look at someone in the eye will I come across as creepy.

It’s all too much and I just have to lay in bed afterwards. I wish I could go out and do a food shop, or go to the gym. But weekdays are too much. I can’t tell people in real life because they say “well you have no kids or pets to look after so why are you so tired”.

Thank yo

Are you me?
seriously

No diagnosis (too old now) but I’m definitely ND in some way. Away days are my most hated thing in the universe.

Thank you. I have been umming ahhing for a while now thinking “would a diagnosis actually help anything” but I think I maybe just need the validation to stop the “what is wrong with me” and change it to “this is why I am the way I am”. But if so, I will seek out further support.

Thank you so much.

I am 30, but if l am neurodivergent and peri menopause can affect it I probably would like to seek a possible diagnosis sooner rather than later.

I’m really sorry you feel like this, I have a protege who feels exactly the same. The difficulty I have is they have given me a ChatGPT email and I’m struggling to understand what the actual issue and how I can help

does your company have an occupational health dept? That can really help everyone in understanding your challenges and how we can help?

Also if you do the screening questionnaire remember it counts if it's a symptom you have put coping mechanisms in place for so it doesnt happen any more but it would if you didn't. So answer for how often they would happen without the coping mechanism. For example I obsessively check things a lot so I don't really make careless mistakes because I catch them when I check things. Also some of your traits do sound more autistic and sometimes the autistic traits can mask the ADHD ones and vice versa. So I'm horribly disorganised but have great attention to detail which I think is more of an autistic thing and that often saves me, like with the checking.

Thank you so much for this.

Yes I have so many piles of stuff, so much stuff you cannot see my floor. I have no energy to put things away and sort it out. But I don’t know why. I lay in bed for hours just staring at it all wishing I could just get up and do it like normal people can.

Thank you again I really appreciate your comment. I did have a bit of an emotional outburst earlier I just get very distressed easily. But I have calmed down now. Thank you ❤️

Yes we have occupational health, they are external to our company but have been great as I have a physical health condition, and my managers have been great with that side of thing. I would feel a bit silly talking to my manager about possible neurodivergence incase they say “well we can’t see anything wrong with you” because I act so well and am good at the job. But if I do get a diagnosis I will tell them.

I get distressed easily too ❤️ it's ok to be emotional though, I actually think it's one of my strengths. I am so glad you're feeling calmer now though.

I know you probably know this, but you're not a bad person if you can't make yourself put things away. And lots and lots of people can't put things away, it's not NOT normal. Sometimes being very tidy is also a sign of mental struggle of a different kind.

I really liked the book Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price for a kinder way to think about why people can seem 'lazy' when they are just struggling, a lot of it is about neurodivergence

You sound very similar to me and my kids, we’re all ND. Work has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with, ditto them at school .
although I loved school I was hugely disruptive with poor attendance but I think school was far easier back in my day. As I’ve got older I’ve found work and life generally far harder than u ever did, I believe this is partly due to the impact of perimenopause on my brain and body

it will do you no harm to get an assessment regardless of the outcome, if you’re nd it will really help you to know and if you’re not maybe they will still be able to tell you what you are, it may be you have sensory processing needs without being nd.

in the meantime, even without diagnoses,
look up spd and how to deal with nd burnout etc and see if there’s anything you can try to alleviate some of the difficulties you are experiencing.

Please don’t feel sorry at all. Take all the support you can get and work with your manager. If it was me I would absolutely work with you and everyone to see what needs to be done. I’n my company they are 3rd parties

I’m so sorry you are going through this and am quite appalled by some of the ignorance of posters on this thread.

YANBU AT ALL to wonder.

Symptoms of Autism and ADHD are on a spectrum or continuum, which is why so many people can be dismissive and say “oh everyone gets a bit ___ sometimes”.

Yes, they can. But they do not realise how much it costs a neurodivergent person sometimes to function in a world that at times feels like it doesn’t fit them.

It’s not up to the internet to diagnose you, but you are not unreasonable to have these concerns. Go and look into it and don’t be fobbed off. You will find people around you may lack understanding and minimise what you are experiencing, but if you speak to medical professionals you will find the understanding you are looking for. It’s not about having a “label” - understanding why you struggle can make all the difference.

Also remember GP experience and understanding of neurodivergence can be a lottery so push to see a specialist and state why you want to- have reasons to back it up.

Be specific and bring a written list. You can frame it like this:
"I'd like a referral for an autism assessment because I am experiencing severe burnout from masking, sensory overload, and executive dysfunction that significantly impacts my daily life. Specifically:

• Sensory Processing: Severe noise sensitivity (misophonia, hearing high-frequency buzzes) and crowd panic.
• Masking & Exhaustion: High social anxiety, masking in social/work settings (faking confidence, flat affect), followed by extreme mental/physical exhaustion.
• Executive Dysfunction: Chronic timekeeping struggles despite preparation, difficulties with task switching, and intense difficulty discarding possessions.
• Communication & Processing: Strong preference for short, written instructions over verbal ones, and severe distress during unstructured social/networking events."

If you are in England, remember to mention Right to Choose during that appointment so you can get referred to a specialist provider with shorter waiting lists.

Good luck.

That is so so normal. What you are describing sounds like imposter syndrome. Work is hard - life is hard. Get the meds if you want but I think accepting who you are and knowing its completely normal would be a better way to live.