AIBU to wonder if I am neurodivergent and burnt out at work

[RosaXx]

In recent years, I’ve wondered if I am neurodivergent. (some examples for context:)

• Struggled with insomnia and anxiety since childhood. Around age 10.
• Sensitivity to noise. I can also pick up on noises, such as beeps and buzzes that other people around me can’t hear.
• Dislike being in crowded places and can become extremely panicky and stressed.
• I have been told I have a very serious face, even when I am happy or enjoying something.
• My school reports were “Rosa is a pleasure to have in class, is intelligent but needs to contribute more”. I would never contribute in class. I preferred to observe and stay silent.
• I am a hoarder. I find it very difficult to part ways with things. Even clothes I do not like and haven’t worn in years.
• I struggle with time keeping in my personal life. No matter how much I prep for something I am always running late by a few minutes and flustered when leaving.

Anyway, I have worked in corporate roles for the past 10 or so years. I believe I interview very well. Despite my anxiety disorder I can fake confidence very well. I have been offered the job for every interview I have attended. I have very good IT and admin skills, great attention to detail and my colleagues often ask me to check their presentations for any mistakes and feedback.

However, I feel like I really struggle within this “world”.

• I hate any type of “mingling” and networking. I can’t do it. I can’t go and chat to random people. I often have to excuse myself and hide in the toilets at any type of thing like that. I prefer to be alone.
• Same with “team away days”. I feel they are pointless and have even rang in sick to avoid going to them. I hate them. I panic. I would rather sit by myself in the office and just work rather than play games and listen to presentations that I can’t concentrate on, because I can hear other people breathe, cough, take a drink etc.
• After work I am mentally exhausted. It is a struggle to get changed or cook a quick dinner. Sometimes I go straight to bed and just lie in silence even though I cant sleep until 3am.
• I sit through countless meetings which are pointless. Or meetings about an upcoming meeting. Everything could be so much more simpler in an email. With clear short instructions. At the end everyone says how helpful and insightful they are. But I just sit there thinking “WTF is this?”
• I feel I work best when I do work from written clear short instructions. I panic with verbal instructions and often follow up for clarification via email.

Although I enjoy my role and do think I am a good worker I am feeling more and more tired or “burnt out”. I feel I may not be compatible with this type of work, but what else can I do? Administration in corporate has been my job for my whole adult life since leaving university.

Is anyone similar to me and do you have a diagnosis for ADHD/Autism? I am not sure if a diagnosis would help or change anything but I am curious.

I realise this may be very very long so thank you if you have got this far.

I am very similar. I’m not neurodivergent though, I have generalised anxiety/social anxiety

I wouldn’t go to deep in to it personally

what’s your personal life like… partner? Children?

Why not? out of interest. I spend the majority of my time at work. I am struggling and feel exhausted.

And no and no.

I can’t advise on a diagnosis but uou sound like an introvert. I am too. But honestly, does anyone like mingling events and work away days? Most people just put up with them for their job!

I’m diagnosed as having GAD. But I’m starting to wonder if it’s ADHD/ADS which is what makes me this way.

Yes I’m 100% introverted.

But I physically cannot “mingle”. I feel sick, sweat, heart palpitations and chest pains. I genuinely do not know what to say to people. I feel like I have to hide alone before I burst into tears.

That sounds like you have a social anxiety disorder.

I am neurodivergent and some of my worst issues are sort of similar to some of yours.

How old are you?

Friends?

Is this with new people?
with colleagues? Friends?

Whether you are ASD/ADHD or not I don’t know but would loop earplugs help, they can tune out background noise and make life much more bearable for a lot of people.

FWIW I strongly suspect I am on the autism spectrum, there are lots of traits that I have and have had since I was a baby, I was a highly academic and socially awkward child and my dad and one of my brother are also definitely autistic but we’re all high functioning and I don’t see the value in a diagnosis. I am a teacher and I am absolutely burned out in the way you describe because my job is so overwhelming and constant stress and noise and demands. Several of my colleagues (who aren’t ASD and one who is) have used loop ear plugs and feel much calmer and less overstimulated by the environment.

I think if a normal office job is too much in terms of sensory input then you possibly do have some kind of sensory processing disorder.

I don’t think anything there suggests neurodivergence. Anxiety sounds right. Maybe being in the wrong job too. Not all jobs have lots of minging and team days, mine certainly doesn’t.

I am absolutely fine speaking to people when I know what I have to say of what to ask. I am actually quite confident.

It’s the whole not knowing what to say. Or small talk. I’m probably worse at work because there is an expectation for you to perform and to be professional. Where as in my personal life I can relax a bit more. But still struggle with small talk with strangers or people I don’t know well. I’m fine with friends and family and more relaxed social situations.

Lots of friends.

This is normal for a lot of people

A social anxiety disorder doesn’t mean that you are anxious in all social situations.

I’ve probably done around 3-4 away days and networking events over 10 years but just wanted to give context of what I struggle with.

Thank you. I haven’t no, I think because I cannot stand the feel of earphones or headphones. I don’t like things tight on me. But I will look into loop earplugs.

Yes I do think it could be sensory processing tol. There’s a lot food textures I don’t like. Clothing textures I don’t like. Sounds and smells I feel like I am the only one who can hear and smell.

I'm similar and this may sound odd but I'm thriving as a social worker with adults with learning disabilities and/or autism. I did child protection before this and I did nearly burn out but that was more about the role than me. I'm so busy and every conversation has intent and purpose, I feel confident doing it because there's a clear reason and a script to a certain extent. I can't socialise with strangers but I can easily ask what help they need to toilet and assess their capacity for sexual relationships.
The team I'm in is by far the most comfortable team I've been in. Many of them have Autistic family members and I suspect are ND themselves.

It doesn’t sound odd at all and makes perfect sense to me! Thats amazing, what a rewarding yet difficult job I imagine. I think that’s all I want from my work. Clear reasons and actions.

Ok so “lots of friends”

how have you met them and kept them if you are as you describe when talking to people?

more. But still struggle with small talk with strangers or people I don’t know well. I’m fine with friends and family and more relaxed social situations.

but if you have lots of friends… there was a point when you met them for the first time and built up a friendship?

I met most at school. A couple are actually cousins but class them more as friends so known since birth. And children of my parents friends I grew up with going on holidays.

As a child.

I can’t recall ever making a new friend as an adult.

From your list, I think it's very possible.
A lot of overlaps with anxiety but the sounds of buzzing & beeps seems very common with every ND person I know, albeit only a small number of people.

It might be worth checking out.

I have a ND colleague who is the same as you regarding verbal instructions and has also requested no attence at any networking, team away days.

As a result, he doesn't go and as he says himself "he's not the type of person that gains anything from such events".

In fact, most of your list describes him.