AIBU to wonder if I am neurodivergent and burnt out at work

[RosaXx]

In recent years, I’ve wondered if I am neurodivergent. (some examples for context:)

• Struggled with insomnia and anxiety since childhood. Around age 10.
• Sensitivity to noise. I can also pick up on noises, such as beeps and buzzes that other people around me can’t hear.
• Dislike being in crowded places and can become extremely panicky and stressed.
• I have been told I have a very serious face, even when I am happy or enjoying something.
• My school reports were “Rosa is a pleasure to have in class, is intelligent but needs to contribute more”. I would never contribute in class. I preferred to observe and stay silent.
• I am a hoarder. I find it very difficult to part ways with things. Even clothes I do not like and haven’t worn in years.
• I struggle with time keeping in my personal life. No matter how much I prep for something I am always running late by a few minutes and flustered when leaving.

Anyway, I have worked in corporate roles for the past 10 or so years. I believe I interview very well. Despite my anxiety disorder I can fake confidence very well. I have been offered the job for every interview I have attended. I have very good IT and admin skills, great attention to detail and my colleagues often ask me to check their presentations for any mistakes and feedback.

However, I feel like I really struggle within this “world”.

• I hate any type of “mingling” and networking. I can’t do it. I can’t go and chat to random people. I often have to excuse myself and hide in the toilets at any type of thing like that. I prefer to be alone.
• Same with “team away days”. I feel they are pointless and have even rang in sick to avoid going to them. I hate them. I panic. I would rather sit by myself in the office and just work rather than play games and listen to presentations that I can’t concentrate on, because I can hear other people breathe, cough, take a drink etc.
• After work I am mentally exhausted. It is a struggle to get changed or cook a quick dinner. Sometimes I go straight to bed and just lie in silence even though I cant sleep until 3am.
• I sit through countless meetings which are pointless. Or meetings about an upcoming meeting. Everything could be so much more simpler in an email. With clear short instructions. At the end everyone says how helpful and insightful they are. But I just sit there thinking “WTF is this?”
• I feel I work best when I do work from written clear short instructions. I panic with verbal instructions and often follow up for clarification via email.

Although I enjoy my role and do think I am a good worker I am feeling more and more tired or “burnt out”. I feel I may not be compatible with this type of work, but what else can I do? Administration in corporate has been my job for my whole adult life since leaving university.

Is anyone similar to me and do you have a diagnosis for ADHD/Autism? I am not sure if a diagnosis would help or change anything but I am curious.

I realise this may be very very long so thank you if you have got this far.

Interesting. I'm very similar. Also diagnosis of GAD.

I'm exactly the same but I have Bipolar. My consultant & gp also strongly suspect ADHD so currently on the waiting list for that.

Although I have lots of friends & look like I'm managing ok, I'm not managing as I mask and it's bloody hard acting like a NT human.
I have no social anxiety but that's probably down to the Bipolar meds.

You just sound anxious , depressed and not very outgoing.

Thank you so much!

I will definitely look on NAS site and have a read.

32/50 on the test. So some traits of ASD.

Yes I know.

I have already stated that I am diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder.

My point was - your difficulties with engaging with new people at work will be linked with that in all likelihood

Yes my mum was the same. When I mentioned to her that I felt like my mental problems and being exhausted at work were possible neurodivergence, she just laughed.

What treatment are you having or have had for GAD?

It's not normal. I was sensitive to smells until I ended up getting several sinus infections. I can now smell hardly anything. I'm also sensitive to noise and light but neither are related to my autism

I feel like you've described me. I've noticed these traits/behaviours/emotions getting more pronounced with age too. I'm at the triage stage of waiting for an ADHD and ASD assessment. I feel like a lot of what I experience could be explained by other things, but I want to explore it, especially as more research has been done about how women often present with those conditions.

But I also struggle with lots of things that aren’t linked to social anxiety and social interactions. Such as sounds, smells, textures, timings, hoarding, messiness, exhaustion.

A lot of my work struggles aren’t due to interacting with people. It’s more the day to day working of the business, meetings that could be emails, complicated jargon, verbal instructions that are contradictory and not clear. I think these things make me exhausted, not interacting with my colleagues. I like my colleagues. They are nice people. Not liking mingling and networking (doesn’t happen often) and me struggling with it was just to add some context, I didn’t want that part to be the main focus. But everything on a whole.

That’s strange that I come across as not very outgoing. I love the outdoors and being in nature.

Anxious - yes. I know. I am diagnosed anxiety disorder.

Depressed - not sure. Sometimes yes but sometimes no.

Outgoing, as in being happy to meet people and mix with them- being out in nature is not what outgoing means.

Had CBT and DBT. Also hypnotherapy but that was private and expensive.

Tried propranolol for a while but didn’t seem to help.

I am happy to meet friends and family and mix with them. I enjoy socialising with people I feel comfortable with.

That’s strange that I come across as not very outgoing. I love the outdoors and being in nature.

did you think this poster meant being outside when she used the word “outgoing”?

I now know what she means

It has been a little stressful and upsetting reading a lot of posts. I am feeling emotional and misread it.

Mine is.

I have a lot of these traits you mention and I have GAD I'm NT

Hmm a lot of those apply to me and I am not neurodivergent- just exhausted and anxious. Why do you want to label yourself? Do you want medication/a diagnosis?

That certainly isn’t the case with me. I am married to a man who received a ASD diagnosis in adulthood. In fact it was me who suggested him sought the assessment. So, I certainly don’t think an adult seeking an assessment is a wrong or jumping on the bandwagon.

OP specifically asked whether or not her behaviours suggested a neurodivergence. In my opinion (which she sought) they do not. Her behaviours are very similar to mine, and I am diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

I suppose I have always felt a bit different, and a bit weird. It’s really hard to explain. There is so much more than what I put in the OP. But I’d be here forever describing what I am sensitive to and my quirks/recklessness.

I don’t want to label myself. If I was assessed and turns out I was neurodivergent, it would probably make a lot of sense.

I’ve read that medication can really help for ADHD. Antidepressants have always made me feel worse when I’ve had low periods, and some research says antidepressants aren’t suitable for people who are neurodivergent. I am exhausted and just want to be able to function like a normal adult after work. Not lie in bed for 9 hours before I sleep.

You just sound like a regular introvert.

I don't know why everyone suddenly wants to be neurodivergent so badly.

I don’t ‘want’ to be.

I just want to make sense of myself after feeling different for so long. I have struggled with a lot of things in my life. So much more I could write but I’d be here forever. The fact I can’t function properly after a day of normal work because I am so mentally exhausted and drained.

after research and going over my childhood I think ADHD/Autism is very possible. I just wanted some advice and perhaps reassurance.

I'm diagnosed neurodivergent and I identify with nearly all you describe.