AIBU to wonder if I am neurodivergent and burnt out at work

[RosaXx]

In recent years, I’ve wondered if I am neurodivergent. (some examples for context:)

• Struggled with insomnia and anxiety since childhood. Around age 10.
• Sensitivity to noise. I can also pick up on noises, such as beeps and buzzes that other people around me can’t hear.
• Dislike being in crowded places and can become extremely panicky and stressed.
• I have been told I have a very serious face, even when I am happy or enjoying something.
• My school reports were “Rosa is a pleasure to have in class, is intelligent but needs to contribute more”. I would never contribute in class. I preferred to observe and stay silent.
• I am a hoarder. I find it very difficult to part ways with things. Even clothes I do not like and haven’t worn in years.
• I struggle with time keeping in my personal life. No matter how much I prep for something I am always running late by a few minutes and flustered when leaving.

Anyway, I have worked in corporate roles for the past 10 or so years. I believe I interview very well. Despite my anxiety disorder I can fake confidence very well. I have been offered the job for every interview I have attended. I have very good IT and admin skills, great attention to detail and my colleagues often ask me to check their presentations for any mistakes and feedback.

However, I feel like I really struggle within this “world”.

• I hate any type of “mingling” and networking. I can’t do it. I can’t go and chat to random people. I often have to excuse myself and hide in the toilets at any type of thing like that. I prefer to be alone.
• Same with “team away days”. I feel they are pointless and have even rang in sick to avoid going to them. I hate them. I panic. I would rather sit by myself in the office and just work rather than play games and listen to presentations that I can’t concentrate on, because I can hear other people breathe, cough, take a drink etc.
• After work I am mentally exhausted. It is a struggle to get changed or cook a quick dinner. Sometimes I go straight to bed and just lie in silence even though I cant sleep until 3am.
• I sit through countless meetings which are pointless. Or meetings about an upcoming meeting. Everything could be so much more simpler in an email. With clear short instructions. At the end everyone says how helpful and insightful they are. But I just sit there thinking “WTF is this?”
• I feel I work best when I do work from written clear short instructions. I panic with verbal instructions and often follow up for clarification via email.

Although I enjoy my role and do think I am a good worker I am feeling more and more tired or “burnt out”. I feel I may not be compatible with this type of work, but what else can I do? Administration in corporate has been my job for my whole adult life since leaving university.

Is anyone similar to me and do you have a diagnosis for ADHD/Autism? I am not sure if a diagnosis would help or change anything but I am curious.

I realise this may be very very long so thank you if you have got this far.

By the time my autism and adhd assesment rolled around I was absolutely certain I had both, and I was right.

It's because autistic people tend to do A LOT of research and no ones knows you better than you know yourself, so it's highly likely that after a lot of research you just know.

It's not at all because I wanted to have autism and adhd, I never wanted anything less!

I am afraid that given you’re going NHS, it will be years before you get in front of a medical professional @RosaXx . So yes absolutely progress but in the meantime maybe go back to addressing the severe GAD

I think it could take years to get a diagnosis but no I still wouldn’t assume GAD in the meantime.

I’d focus on other things. So if you have ADHD then certain things can help so that it is well managed ADHD. So really focusing on your health and diet. I take various supplements which I personally believe help me (Omega 3s are good and I like Lionsmane).

Sleep is tricky because melatonin is released later in people with ADHD. To counter this getting 10 minutes of daylight in my eyes in the morning is non-negotiable. Also sounds obvious but no screens and scrolling for a few hours before bed. Phone goes in another room.

Be kind to yourself. If you are masking all day at work you will be exhausted. Go to bed early if needed. I did have to change careers unfortunately.

I also had to do certain things when I had kids to not be completely exhausted- so only a few clubs and not many that I had to drive to in the evening.

Exercise is a good and healthy way to boost dopamine.

I’d try all these and see - if you have ways of managing your ADHD then you may find you are less anxious. It’s a bit chicken and egg.

I’m not assuming GAD

the Op has actually been diagnosed

There’s a provider in my area that has a 16 week waiting time for assessment appointment via Right to Choose.

I have had 20 years of trying to manage GAD. I’m convinced I don’t even have GAD. It’s a label I was given at 17 years old when in reality I was showing AuDHD traits but was labeled as “Anxiety” due to being a quiet female who performed really well at school.

But I suppose that’s incredibly unreasonable according to the ones who are desperate to shoot down my feelings about my life.

I had a 1:1 with my manager earlier and mentioned it. The first time I ever brought something like this up. And we had a really good chat about neurodivergence in women and they are supporting me all the way.

I think the issue is in the last 20-30
years many, many women have been misdiagnosed with a anxiety disorder when they actually have ADHD or
Autism or both. We are really playing catch up. And the OP has found zero benefit from treating the ‘anxiety disorder’ . Which makes sense if the anxiety is a symptom of something else…

That’s brilliant news OP. I think speaking to your employer, friends etc is so helpful. If you’ve been masking for years (exhausting and anxiety inducing). Unmasking in safe environments will really help.

Thank you so much. It really does feel validating and like a little weight has lifted when people are understanding.

It makes such a difference! Also be kind to yourself.

Yes the assessment appointment isn’t the actual assessment I’m afraid. It’s when they meet you and decide whether or not an assessment is appropriate . Then you go on the wait list for the psychiatrist.

I have just supported a close friend in the same process. She was so excited about the assessment appointment. But then the wait time for the actual assessment was 18months to 2 years

I have a chronic physical condition so I’m no stranger to an NHS waiting list.

My dear friend was in a very similar situation. She reached her early thirties and it dawned on her that her struggles in life might be due to ND.

After finally getting the diagnosis, she was almost euphoric.

However… 8 months on, nothing has changed for her. She is still very unhappy, still struggling. It was a brief respite to have something to focus on as an explanation but ultimately - very little changed.

She is now on the waitlist for therapy but… 2/3 years.

Are you happy Op? Just that question alone. No reference to ND or anxiety or anything. Just that - are you happy? You’re in your twenties? Do you feel like you’re enjoying life? Socialising, holidaying, progressing with career? What is your love life like?!

I’m 30.

I’m not sure to be honest. I don’t feel like I enjoy life because everyday just seems exhausting. I socialise with friends when we can all arrange a date as most have young children. I like my job. I don’t date because I don’t enjoy it, I’ve never liked physical touch and don’t like to be hugged or kissed etc. so dating isn’t for me, but that doesn’t make me unhappy.

I feel for you OP. I sense you are not happy and now you mention a physical condition… does that stop my physically? Are you fit and healthy?

I wouldnt say I’m unhappy though. Just feel absolutely exhausted and burnt out.

It can stop me if I have a flare up. It’s endometriosis. But I’ve found a hormonal contraceptive that suits me and has stopped my periods so I don’t get in as much pain with it.

Otherwise healthy.

Oh, I know that. I meant if OP were on the wrong track about this desired diagnosis.
( Which, for the record, she’s welcome to! But on the evidence provided by that stage in her thread, I just thought there is a lot of lower-lying undergrowth to be cleared away first, that’s all)

The opinion which certainly will matter though is that of the physician who confirms a disorder definitely not on OP’s shortlist.
Then what? Will the diagnosis be accepted, or will OP be even more anguished and determined to track down the ‘right’ answer to the ends of the Earth?

Just 👆🏼an extreme way of stressing that OP feeling better, getting perfectly targeted treatment, and being more at ease in herself as a person should be her top priority, and not merely obtaining this validation at any cost.

I dont think anybody here is dismissive of, nor is stigmatising any ND diagnosed condition, as has been claimed elsewhere.
But many are certainly concerned that OP may be so focussed on that diagnostic goal that she’s got herself into a wood/trees corner about her health in general.
But she is choosing to read that as strident antipathy, so 🤷🏼‍♀️

You began the thread asking if neurodivergent and burnt out at work.

So are you asking two different questions?
am I neurodivergent?
am I burnet out at work?

Love this!!! Also you may already know or someone else might've mentioned it but my understanding is that endometriosis and adhd often co occur. Just in case someone makes you doubt yourself again. Good luck.

But most people would say to the doctor, I think I have tonsillitis because my throat hurts … they wouldn’t just identify the pain and pretend they didn’t know what it could be.