AIBU to wonder if I am neurodivergent and burnt out at work

[RosaXx]

In recent years, I’ve wondered if I am neurodivergent. (some examples for context:)

• Struggled with insomnia and anxiety since childhood. Around age 10.
• Sensitivity to noise. I can also pick up on noises, such as beeps and buzzes that other people around me can’t hear.
• Dislike being in crowded places and can become extremely panicky and stressed.
• I have been told I have a very serious face, even when I am happy or enjoying something.
• My school reports were “Rosa is a pleasure to have in class, is intelligent but needs to contribute more”. I would never contribute in class. I preferred to observe and stay silent.
• I am a hoarder. I find it very difficult to part ways with things. Even clothes I do not like and haven’t worn in years.
• I struggle with time keeping in my personal life. No matter how much I prep for something I am always running late by a few minutes and flustered when leaving.

Anyway, I have worked in corporate roles for the past 10 or so years. I believe I interview very well. Despite my anxiety disorder I can fake confidence very well. I have been offered the job for every interview I have attended. I have very good IT and admin skills, great attention to detail and my colleagues often ask me to check their presentations for any mistakes and feedback.

However, I feel like I really struggle within this “world”.

• I hate any type of “mingling” and networking. I can’t do it. I can’t go and chat to random people. I often have to excuse myself and hide in the toilets at any type of thing like that. I prefer to be alone.
• Same with “team away days”. I feel they are pointless and have even rang in sick to avoid going to them. I hate them. I panic. I would rather sit by myself in the office and just work rather than play games and listen to presentations that I can’t concentrate on, because I can hear other people breathe, cough, take a drink etc.
• After work I am mentally exhausted. It is a struggle to get changed or cook a quick dinner. Sometimes I go straight to bed and just lie in silence even though I cant sleep until 3am.
• I sit through countless meetings which are pointless. Or meetings about an upcoming meeting. Everything could be so much more simpler in an email. With clear short instructions. At the end everyone says how helpful and insightful they are. But I just sit there thinking “WTF is this?”
• I feel I work best when I do work from written clear short instructions. I panic with verbal instructions and often follow up for clarification via email.

Although I enjoy my role and do think I am a good worker I am feeling more and more tired or “burnt out”. I feel I may not be compatible with this type of work, but what else can I do? Administration in corporate has been my job for my whole adult life since leaving university.

Is anyone similar to me and do you have a diagnosis for ADHD/Autism? I am not sure if a diagnosis would help or change anything but I am curious.

I realise this may be very very long so thank you if you have got this far.

The thing is OP it’s possible to have those traits and be ND or have them and not be at all.

Have you looked at the DSM-5, which is the criteria for an ADHD diagnosis in the UK? If you go ahead with an assessment, you’ll need to show that your symptoms have been present for at least six months, started before the age of 12, and occur in two or more settings (ie school and work).

If you resonate with the diagnosis criteria, speak to your GP and start the process. One thing to note is that to prove you have had the symptoms since before age 12 you will either need someone who was an adult when you were that age (usually a parent) to be part of the diagnosis process, or you will need to be able to show some other evidence of those- eg school reports. My parents are as dismissive of ND so I did not ask them to contribute, it is slightly harder without this though.

A diagnosis has helped me in countless ways- I understand why I struggle with certain things and am less hard on myself as a result, I can make allowances and accommodations to make my life easier, and can ask eg workplaces for accommodations too. Medication has helped as well, although it is not a silver bullet and I know a few people for whom it has not worked for at all so don’t assume this will fix everything. I would encourage anyone who thinks they are ND to seek a diagnosis.

Thank you very much for the info. I will look into it!

You’re welcome. If you do seek a diagnosis through your GP using Right To Choose, it is a slog- I think timelines have improved a bit now but I had to wait 18 months for an assessment, and a further 12 months to start medication. That was over a year ago and I’m still waiting for my GP to confirm shared care for the medication.

I think there are more providers of assessments though so it hopefully isn’t taking as long as that anymore!

I and many of my friends can tick off all of these things on your list, plus more but we are not neurodivergent. People just differ in how they function. We are human and not robots after all.

Its like everyone wants a label and the ND is the new 'in' thing. Whatever next.

I know people can get benefits from these labels. Maybe thats whats causing this huge wave.

Unless you’ve ever been tested, how would you know if you are ND or not?

And kindly bore off with your benefits sneer- you’ll see from my posts above it took me over two years to get a diagnosis, and whilst I’ve never claimed benefits for it I appreciate that’s also a long and arduous process. The suggestion that people are seeking diagnosis for benefits reasons is deeply unfair.

I already receive PIP for a physical health disability.

I have already stated that I do not want a “label”. I want some understanding and validation as to why I find life difficult and why I have struggled with lots of things since childhood.

You may tick off a lot of my list and function fine. But I do not. I struggle and it’s really getting me down.

Sorry that I am not as good as you and your friends.

Yes will definitely look into Right to choose.

I have a physical health condition so I am used to long waiting lists.

Thank you so much again, your insight is very much appreciated.

I suppose as I get older I get more philosophical about this and life. Many many people feel anxious - and appear serene on the outside. Life is really hard and difficult for everyone (appreciate harder for some than others) - I tell myself this a lot - its not meant to be easy and its never going to be easy. I think there is acceptance in knowing that. It is beautiful though too.

Why do you want a label?

Unfortunately as I get older I don’t find it beautiful. I find it hard. I don’t want to sound like a pity party but I really really struggle.

I just want to feel normal or to just have a “reason” why I am the way I am. I cannot carry on pretending on the outside I am fine and slowly wanting to give up on the inside 😞

I don’t want a label.

I have explained this maybe 3 or 4 times.

I want to make sense of why I struggle so much and why I feel different to my friends the same age.

You are coming across as v much wanting people to say you are ND. And disagreeing with anyone who says the opposite. It’s fine to want the diagnosis for whatever reason, maybe just be honest about that.

Do we call other diagnosis “labels” or is it just for neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD?

Possibly because I have done a lot of research. A lot of other neurodivergent women experiences I’ve read have been similar to mine.

I'd say maybe ASD but clearly high functioning. I don't see anything that aligns with aDHD though?

I have similar things to you, but it's just part of being human.

Beware of labelling yourself, lest you end up conforming to the label!

You have a job, friends and a family. That is normal.
But if it makes you feel better go for the diagnosis.

Can people please stop accusing me of wanting a “label”. It is starting to really upset me.

I do not want a label. If I am neurodivergent I would keep it private. Like I keep my physical health private.

I just want to feel some sort of relief that there is a reason for why I am the way I am and I am just not a pathetic person who tries her best but just can’t live life like others can

What makes you think others live so easily though? People struggle, people have quirks etc. Its normal and its human. You list reasons that are very common and normal, especially for strong introverts.

But what will you do with the reason? It doesn't define you and even if you are, these days being neurodivergent is the least interestingly thing ever. I have General Anxiety Disorder but its just a tiny part of me, no big deal really. I manage as best I can.

OP - get assessed if it helps. Here you just get everyone’s biases. It sounds really hard to me who loves nothing more than networking and random group togetherness exercises! Look after yourself OP

I cannot sleep. Since the age of 10 I have never slept. My GP has tried sleeping tablets, melatonin, counselling, CBT, DBT, Hypnotherapy. Nothing works.

I struggle to leave things on time. Everyday. I have no children or pets I have to care for so no excuses. I cannot seem to stick to the time. Alarms, sticky notes, things in their places. I am flustered constantly. I don’t know why. I try my hardest.

I am hoarder. I am embarrassed but you cannot see my bedroom floor. I have junk everywhere. I cannot bring it in me to throw things away. I don’t know how it gets like this.

I feel like I go crazy when I hear sounds and ask everyone around me “can you hear that beep? It’s hurting my ears” and everyone looks at me like I have 2 heads. No one else can hear them. I feel like I drive myself crazy or just make it up.

I feel really silly when I am in public and need to leave asap to find a toilet or quiet area just to gather myself again and breathe. I wish I could be like my friends.

there is so much more but I can’t write it all down right now there is too much in my gead going off I am sobbing tears as I write all this I know it is not normal and I am feeling incredibly distressed and like I am a crazy person

Where has OP said she wants a diagnosis to appear “interesting”?

A diagnosis has changed my life- how I treat and talk to myself, how I understand myself, how I set up my work and my life to work with my brain and not against it. It is like any other diagnosis.

I have read medication helps for ADHD. If I have ADHD and can have medication perhaps it will help me do some things easier that i struggle with. I have read antidepressants aren’t suitable for ADHD And antidepressants and never helped my mental health. and maybe some validation. I have spent Yeats and years thinking I am not good enough if there is a reason then maybe I will know this is why I am and not just a pathetic failure of a person.

it doesn’t matter anyway I am too upset to read more

OP I am sorry you’re getting such a hard time- mumsnet is famously very critical of adults seeking diagnosis for ND conditions, particularly any mention of ADHD. I would advice you step away from this thread m and from seeking assistance on mumsnet for your own sanity and speak to your GP instead.