AIBU to wonder if I am neurodivergent and burnt out at work

[RosaXx]

In recent years, I’ve wondered if I am neurodivergent. (some examples for context:)

• Struggled with insomnia and anxiety since childhood. Around age 10.
• Sensitivity to noise. I can also pick up on noises, such as beeps and buzzes that other people around me can’t hear.
• Dislike being in crowded places and can become extremely panicky and stressed.
• I have been told I have a very serious face, even when I am happy or enjoying something.
• My school reports were “Rosa is a pleasure to have in class, is intelligent but needs to contribute more”. I would never contribute in class. I preferred to observe and stay silent.
• I am a hoarder. I find it very difficult to part ways with things. Even clothes I do not like and haven’t worn in years.
• I struggle with time keeping in my personal life. No matter how much I prep for something I am always running late by a few minutes and flustered when leaving.

Anyway, I have worked in corporate roles for the past 10 or so years. I believe I interview very well. Despite my anxiety disorder I can fake confidence very well. I have been offered the job for every interview I have attended. I have very good IT and admin skills, great attention to detail and my colleagues often ask me to check their presentations for any mistakes and feedback.

However, I feel like I really struggle within this “world”.

• I hate any type of “mingling” and networking. I can’t do it. I can’t go and chat to random people. I often have to excuse myself and hide in the toilets at any type of thing like that. I prefer to be alone.
• Same with “team away days”. I feel they are pointless and have even rang in sick to avoid going to them. I hate them. I panic. I would rather sit by myself in the office and just work rather than play games and listen to presentations that I can’t concentrate on, because I can hear other people breathe, cough, take a drink etc.
• After work I am mentally exhausted. It is a struggle to get changed or cook a quick dinner. Sometimes I go straight to bed and just lie in silence even though I cant sleep until 3am.
• I sit through countless meetings which are pointless. Or meetings about an upcoming meeting. Everything could be so much more simpler in an email. With clear short instructions. At the end everyone says how helpful and insightful they are. But I just sit there thinking “WTF is this?”
• I feel I work best when I do work from written clear short instructions. I panic with verbal instructions and often follow up for clarification via email.

Although I enjoy my role and do think I am a good worker I am feeling more and more tired or “burnt out”. I feel I may not be compatible with this type of work, but what else can I do? Administration in corporate has been my job for my whole adult life since leaving university.

Is anyone similar to me and do you have a diagnosis for ADHD/Autism? I am not sure if a diagnosis would help or change anything but I am curious.

I realise this may be very very long so thank you if you have got this far.

I have absolutely looked up physical symptoms before and got an idea of what it likely is before going to the doctors, as have many people.

Indeed, as have I

I still go to the professional with an open mind to diagnosis why the heck my throat is hurting me

rather than going to the professional to “seek a tonsillitis diagnosis”

Sounds like you need to be assessed for ADHD/ autism OP. I think unless people know lots about the condition (ie have a child or are themselves neurodivergent or a mental health specialist) then they shouldn’t really be commenting on here.

I think it’s hugely underdiagnosed and misunderstood. Good luck!

No.

I’m absolutely certain that the below is not anxiety:

• Sensitivity to noise, smells and bright lights
• I can hear noises that other people can’t and it hurts my ears
• Severe hoarding. Piles of clothes and junk to the point you cannot see my floor. I have a pile of clean laundry that I have had for months but struggle to hang it all up.
• Feeling mentally exhausted after a day of work or day of socialising that I have to lie down for hours.
• Always feeling flustered and rushed even if I give myself hours of time to get ready.
• Cannot cope with small talk. I prefer to stay silent and observe.
• Cannot cope with verbal instructions. I need written instructions for things to make sense.
• Dislike physical touch. I need time alone after being around people all day.
• No matter how physically exhausted I am, I struggle to sleep for hours and hours and hours.

It’s more likely the other way around - for years women with ADHD have been diagnosed with anxiety. Yet it was the ADHD causing the anxiety.

This is what I think has happened to me.

Yes that is very clear

Look, as others have said you need to be open minded and seek an assessment. I am AuDHD, as are both of my children (and all my half siblings). Most of us don’t experience half the things you describe and yet have been debilitated by ASD/ADHD at various points in our lives. It is easy to look at the stereotypes of ND, the oversimplified descriptors that google etc list (that are often being refined) and think that is you - but it may not be. It MAY be symptomatic of a multitude of other MH conditions.

We, here, cannot possibly diagnose you because it takes several hours of interviews/clinical observation, reports/observations from 3rd parties with respect to current presentation and also that of childhood, it takes review of multiple diagnostic questionnaires. There were loads of additional very significant symptoms/behaviours that I, my siblings and my children demonstrated from infancy that indicated ASD/ADHD. We/they saw specialists throughout so they are documented on NHS records. I won’t list them here because it is easy for this to be absorbed and fed into your narrative.

The important thing is to be fully assessed, to answer questions in screening assessment honestly to ensure an accurate diagnosis is achieved - and that you get the right treatment. For insomnia - ADHD medication is absolutely counter productive and can make things worse, even if you do have ADHD (my DD is a total mess as a result of ADHD meds without consideration of her insomnia). And, as said already, you need more than school reports that suggest you were shy to evidence you had it as a child.

Try to keep an open mind. What you need is a correct diagnosis and targeted treatment for what is actually wrong - whether that be ASD/ADHD or something else.

At the moment you sound desperate to resolve your current issues, to have a diagnosis/support/treatment that may move you into a better place. That needs to be the driver, rather than ‘getting an ADHD assessment’. You clearly need targeted help. Try to be open to what this may be and , even if ASD/ADHD is within the mix, it is often far more complex and nuanced. After 3 years, we still don’t have the meds right for my eldest, which has been devastating as she - like you - placed all her hope in a diagnosis and medication yet, even though she obtained both, is still no further forward because there is more involved in her MH issues … but the diagnosis has effectively blocked access to care for those adjacent issues (OCD, ARFIDS, insomnia to list a few).

I am not asking for anybody over the internet to diagnose me.

I have thanked you previously for your advice with links. The online screening was helpful and has pushed me to request an assessment via the right to choose pathway.

I am not sure why someone with AuDHD would tell another woman who has recently realised they possess a lot of AuDHD something like “Most of us don’t experience half the things you describe and yet have been debilitated by ASD/ADHD at various points in our lives.” Because surely you know they are spectrums and will affect people differently. Things like this is invalidating. It is not a competition.

I finally feel like my behaviour and thoughts make sense. Women are told for years they have “anxiety” when in reality they have some type of neurodivergence, as they present differently to the stereotypes.

I will have an open mind and am going down the pathway available in my area.

I thank you for you previous help. But please do not comment again on how I am different to you. Everybody is different.

Sigh - I am asking you to exercise caution. Ie Not to go into a request for assessment with a preconceived idea of the diagnostic criteria or the belief that you definitely have ASD/ADHD precisely because it IS a complex and nuanced spectrum of symptoms [hence many of my ASD/AuDHD/ADHD family members NOT having many the symptoms you cite so strongly as being prima facie evidence - each of our presentations are markedly different]. AND because you need an accurate diagnosis to ensure that what ever it is that underlies your current problems (ASD, ADHD or whatever) receives the best and correct support and treatment. An incorrect diagnosis will not help you - ADHD medication will not help you if you are NOT ADHD, as it often does not help those that ARE. My concern is that you are correctly diagnosed and treated. That is all.

Am leaving/hiding this thread now.

I’m absolutely certain that the below is not anxiety:

less than 5 mins of googling reveals they are all very very much linked to GAD

This thread has really demonstrated that there is still very little understanding about neurodivergence, and sadly still shame and stigma attached too!

OP - I am glad that you have made the decision to reach out to your GP and to begin the assessment process. I wish you well with it! If you do get a diagnosis, I hope that this brings you some peace and acceptance of yourself the way that you are.

Wishing you gentler days ahead, it sounds like you have struggled for a really long time.

Actually the meds for ADHD have the opposite effect on those with ADHD than NT people. It's why people with ADHD often become sleepy after caffeine.

I agree with this. Especially as we are playing catch up with so many women.

Why shouldn’t OP be tested for these conditions? We know for years and years women have been misdiagnosed with anxiety. ADHD wasn’t even thought to affect girls in the 80s. It’s only recently that we have realised it presents hugely differently in boys versus girls.

There millions of women out there walking around with undiagnosed ADHD. But for some reason people have an issue with this and are still keen to write it off as anxiety. Or say we are overdiagnosing when the opposite is true.

All the OP’s symptoms warrant an investigation by a medical professional and they will decide.

And the same time googling reveals to me that they are all very very much linked to neurodivergence in women.

Do you get a kick out of telling someone distressed, feeling different and like an alien “it’s anxiety?”

Good heavens

I am similar but do not have autism but am an introvert. I hate talking to people but can fake it! Disappear when there’s interactive activities too! I hate meetings as too many people discussing a list is time wasting and often some just love the sound of their own voice! I work from home now and absolutely love it!

Good heavens indeed.

I’m not sure why so many people have got such an issue with me wanting to explore a diagnosis, or to just tell me it’s “anxiety”. It all makes sense when I’ve researched about my behaviours and thoughts it’s really upsetting.

Because you aren’t wanting to explore.

That is the point

You want a diagnosis
and you are “certain”

that isn’t exploring

People think many people are getting diagnosed when they don’t have the condition and using it as an excuse to behave however they like and get extra adjustments they don’t need. And spending NHS money on something that won’t seriously harm them as they’ve made it this far. So people don’t want more people going and getting diagnosed. They think it’s all become over exaggerated.

However, it doesn’t really matter what those people think. You think your symptoms match these divergent patterns so you should go and see your doctor about it as the diagnosis could have a real and positive effect on your life even just by explaining some of your behaviours and thought patterns. It’s nobody else’s business really and their opinions shouldn’t mean so much to you.

I don’t understand either OP. But it’s very common - it’s a tale as old as time writing women off as anxious and hysterical! . You are doing the right thing by seeking a diagnosis.

I wish you all the best of luck.

No one, literally no one, has a problem with the Op exploring this possibility.

some of us are pointing out that “I am absolutely certain” and “I will definitely seek an adhd diagnosis”

is probably not the best way to go about “exploring”

Doesn’t matter whether she’s ’exploring’ or. ‘seeking’ a diagnosis. Why so hostile? She will need to be assessed by a doctor anyway. Not sure why everyone is focusing on this.

She has clearly been struggling and people are honing in on the words she is using.

OP - AIBU can be quite a hostile board - you may get more support on a different board. Especially one where people have more knowledge about neurodiversity.