AIBU to be worried by outdated children’s books being read to our preschooler?

[Dirtymirrors]

Name changed for this. I'm feeling uncomfortable with things but am in a slightly sensitive situation and I don't want to make it harder than it needs to be.

My DH recently lost his mother and only lost his father a few years ago. He has brought a lot of books and other things from the family home to ours which he wants to keep. I am trying not to mind most of it. The problem is the children's books. Which he is now reading to our preschool child. They are very dated and the portrayal of other cultures is stereotypes and insensitive. This ranges from the mildly offensive such as Rupert to some really horrendous caricatures in books from the 50's.

Do I say anything? I want my DD to grow up with a good understanding of different cultures and norms not stereotypes and racism. I don't want to make anything harder on my DH though.

Just to be clear DH is not racist he just thinks that the atmosphere we create will have far more influence than the books. He also does discuss why certain themes and pictures are wrong with DD.

YABU = the books are harmless don't be so worried.

YANBU = I would not be comfortable with this either.

Your child will do just fine. Supply them with modern books too. They will most likely prefer these to old books.

I wouldn't want to read those books to my child on principle and I think you are completely within your rights to feel that way. I find a bit weird that your husband is comfortable reading them, but I guess it's a nostalgia thing.

Hmm so does that mean you think none of the classics should ever be read anymore? - they're full of sexism at the very least.

We're coming for Rupert now?

DH link to a family past that has now gone, id leave him be

ooh what’s in Rupert?

I don’t know really, not enough information.

I wouldn’t house anything that had a gollywog in it if that’s what you’re getting at?

Yeah they will be dated.

some Enid blytons and other children’s books have had lots cut out for modern editions.

your child is unlikely to like them. My mil tried to read lots of “classics” to my kids and honestly they were just too slow paced and had so many references to stuff my kids didn’t know that they didn’t really enjoy them at all.

if this is a recent thing then I’d let your dh tire of it.

Your DH has just lost his mum so I wouldn't make a big deal of this right now. Just make sure there are also plenty of nice new books for DD to choose from and for you to read to her and she will probably prefer those.

There is nothing wrong with Enid Blyton books etc. I read them to my children along with a mix of older, and newer, books. Sometimes they ask me what something means and I explain it as well as including that the book was written a very long time ago now. I think it is good as it helps to teach children that the world has indeed changed. Also, what is wrong with Rupert? I'm trying to recall and cannot think of what it could be... The books are likely deeply comforting for your husband just now... I would leave him to it. It will be reminding him of his own childhood.

Definitely nostalgia.

They have lots of new books too. Including quite a few with a feminist slant.

I didn't say that no old books should be read. I enjoy a lot of old books myself. I said I was worried about such a large quantity of books with different values at this particular point of development.

We read old out of date books to our children who are now loving and caring non sexist, non racist teens. We did what your husband did and explained parts that were not appropriate in age appropriate ways. Sometimes we would abridge the language as we read it to them (The Secret Garden had some words that you don't want your 7 year old going into school and inadvertently uing). I think it is important to explain to children the context and how things have changed for the better. I take this as a helpful way to bring these issues to our children's attention in an age appropriate manner. You don't have to read them if you don't feel comfortable but allow your husband the joy of reading and connecting his childhood with your child's especially since neither of his parents are around.

You don't find it questionable?

I read loads of my old childhood books to my kids, they also read absolutely loads of more modern ones. We talk about how different things used to be- in Famous Five for example my DD is outraged at Anne having to do all the domestic work even when they’re sleeping out in a cave! I also agree with a PP that the pace of some older books is so much slower and gentler- but I don’t think it’s a bad thing that kids get exposed to both types of narrative- I prefer some of the older books to things like ‘Wimpy Kid’ that is so popular today. You can’t just remove these things from history- to me it’s healthier to introduce them and chat about them whilst making sure you also include loads of modern books too.

Thats why I am discussing here. I don't want to make things harder.

What’s the issue with Rupert?

Id want to know which books. Even very young children can understand something in a book and it not being ok - if you mean racism you can explain something like : it’s a bad word and it hurts people and we don’t say it now but the book is really old and people used to before they learned it was unkind.

Rupert is actually shockingly bad to modern eyes and I say that as someone who enjoyed it myself as a child and still has it in the bookcase. It's explicitly racist. Rupert often magically visits other countries and the inhabitants there are things like ignorant golliwogs with exaggerated features, severe Chinamen, etc. His Chinese friend is called Pong-Ping and that's one of the mildest examples. Much worse that Enid Blyton.

Anyway, my usual approach with these issues is to use them as an opportunity to explain about how things were in the past and the progress society has made. It's also probably true that your child won't be very interested if offered more modern books.

I'd hide the Ruperts though.

I think famous five is great for education and feminism - talk about what George wants to be a boy and how Anne is treated to the others because she’s a girl and maybe George doesn’t want that.

I have to say it mostly went over my head as a kid but if someone has actually talked to me about it - it may not have.

So, these are books from your DHs childhood and are also likely the type of books you read as a child and yet, here we are, both of you are sensible, understanding adults who I assume are not racist, sexist, homophonic, or any other ist you’d care to mention.
Just remember, when you were little these books were the norm and yet you still managed to become great adults. Why do you think that your Dc will be corrupted by reading these books now?

In what way?

That’s interesting - I never even thought about it containing such stuff!

The stereotypes of the conjurer and pong ping are not really appropriate.