AIBU for feeling awful after trying to get pregnant without DH's consent?

[PaperKingfisher]

I’ve done something really bad. I’ve name changed for this and I feel absolutely horrible about it.

My DH has always been against a second child, since we had our first and he was really hard work & intense.

I’m desperate for another and so many people I know are having babies at the moment, it’s like a biological urge. Particularly strong at the moment as I’m ovulating.

My DH won’t have sex with me without a condom. Which I hate as it is.

Now this is the part I feel I need to share as I can’t tell anyone else. After we’d ‘finished’ I took the condom from the bathroom bin and you can imagine the rest…
Yes it was hugely impulsive and wrong and I know I’m the worst person. I’m just so desperate for another baby and every time I see my DS I’m so sad he won’t have a sibling.

I very much doubt this method will get me pregnant, but I just don’t know what to do, I’m so depressed and jealous of my friends. My DH won’t change his mind. In this sense it would be ‘accidental’.
I’m so frustrated and angry that he gets the final say in this and I only get one life, I’m already late 30s so time is running out for me.

Is that you, Liz Jones?

Try to apply this logic to literally anything else which affects the rest of someone's life... "This is a man desperate to have sex and raped someone in a moment of madness. He is so brave posting about this" or "This is a person desperate to have money and robbed their granny in a moment of madness. They are so brave to post about this". Doesn't quite work, does it?

Of course the comments are harsh.

There’s a reason stealthing? is illegal.

She’s just stolen a man’s sperm. How is that any better than a man depositing it when she doesn’t want the deposit.

Op if want another baby leave him spilt your existing family up and go looking for someone who can give you what you want but don't do this, don't ruin someone's life like this. If you fall pregnant he will probably leave you anyway.

Exactly. Won't someone spare a thought for those brave, brave rapists.

Sickening.

What an odd question, in a marriage you should be able to trust your spouse, and use contraception, not think they will be dumpster diving to steal your sperm

I feel like this is almost rapey. What are you trying to gain by posting about this OP? You should be ashamed for doing this to your husband. Is this how you really want to remember conceiving your child?

I really really hope you don't get pregnant as a result of this terrible action OP - if it came to Abortion or Divorce which way would you go?

If I realised this as your husband I would leave. I wouldn't ever trust you.

Get help.

Nevermind out of line, that’s absolutely gross 🤢

Unbelievable OP.

Quite literally.

"My wife is adamant that she does not want another child and insists we always use a condom. I've started using a pin to put holes in the condom because I am desperate for another child and angry she has the final say".

If she never want another child why doesn't she get sterilised?

You need to leave him immediately and look for a willing partner in having a child.

What the OP did was very very wrong - she knows it too. OP I suggest you speak to a therapist about this.

Can people please stop saying it is rape. please.

Does it even work?

I would have thought piercing the condom through the wrapper would have been a better way to achieve what OP wanted.

Not that I agree with it. It’s madness on so many levels.

I would suggest that you're honest with your husband now. If you do fall pregnant from what you've done, he deserves to know how it happened, and even if you don't, he needs to know what state your head is in, that you'd do such a thing.

I can completely understand being desperate for second, and don't blame you for feeling that way, but actually stooping to try to impregnate yourself after he's used protection is (as you know) completely unacceptable.

You need therapy to cope with what you're feeling so that you don't act in that way again, and he needs a vasectomy (if he doesn't want any more children) so that you can have closure, and stop bothering with condoms. I'm sorry OP, but tricking him into it isn't the way to go, and you know that.

Why?
It's sex without full informed consent. What else would you call it?

This is shocking and unforgivable.

You need to have some serious discussions with your other half, what is the dialogue like around having a second currently? Is there an issue he would like resolved before you have a second or is he one and done?

People equating this to rape are batty. It’s a terrible betrayal of trust but not rape.

Do cold sperms last that long? You know it was wrong which is why you feel bad, if this really did happen then you should get support. What will you do is your not pg? Try this trick again?

An unwilling sperm donor.

No, they had sex and then once the sex was done, she went and got the condom out of the bin. The sex itself was consensual - what happened afterwards wasn't, but it wasn't rape.

Also he only get final say in having a baby in your current marriage. You are at full liberty to leave and have another baby with someone else.

its a terrible thing to even contemplate doing.
what’s the end result?
you would get pregnant, he would know you tricked him, he would leave, leaving your children, but worse for the second born whose father never wanted him and was tricked.

you can have sadness for wanting two of course. But the healing for that is via therapy, not by tricking your husband.

you started off your thread owning that it was wrong. You finished with a but, suggesting you don’t really realise how wrong it was.

It’s doubtful, condoms have a spermicide in them, and of course sperm can’t live out side the body anyway for long, in the right conditions it can be 15 mins ti an hour. As they would have touched the spermicide as she squeezed it out, they would either be dead or very damaged, really not something thay would result in a child or a healthy one.

its disgusting tho, properly disgusting,