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To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

203 replies

AmberCatz · Today 10:04

I met a guy a couple of months ago and we've been out a few times. I posted before about the first date being 11 hours long (he kept extending the day and I was happy to spend time). But although there had been affection and some hand holding we hadn't kissed yet - so this did make me suspicious about his interest. Its been stressing me out really.

Last night we went to a show with my best friend and her boyfriend. Afterwards, he suggested we all grab a drink at a nearby pub. had a great time and because I was off work today we kept going (and drinking, bad move). Basically we talked about how we were both single and open, then I asked if he'd like to kiss and he leaned in and kissed me. We made out for a while and then went to another bar where he instigated another make out and put his arm around me etc.

I haven't slept with anyone in a year and was keen to take him home. So i suggested it and he said he was too tired and needed to sleep before work. I immediately read he just wasn't interested and it hurt but I brushed it off. He said we'll meet 'some other time'

As we were trying to get me a taxi he kept walking ahead and became super distant. Finally I was like what gives and he says 'I'm not looking for anything romantic right now'. I think I messed up here because I then said he owed me an apology for leading me on. He refused, and said there's nothing wrong for enjoying one night and kissing. We had not an argument but a kind of tiff.

I'm now dead from the worst hungover for ages and feel terrible about how we left things. We have each other on social media and several mutual friends - do I need to apologise? I also feel like I threw myself out him and he isn't attracted to me so that feels terrible also.

OP posts:
LuckyHazelFox · Today 10:06

Think nothing more of it. Let him make the next move.

hididdlyho · Today 10:07

I'd leave it, he reciprocated the kiss and instigated another, so you have nothing to apologise for. He sounds unavailable and will continue to mess you around if you let him.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · Today 10:08

The fault lies with him.

If he didn't want anything he could have not kissed you.

Don't have shame for wanting to have sex, there is no shame.

He is in the wrong for leading you on- just put it down to experience. But hold your head high.

AmberCatz · Today 10:09

I'm so embarrassed. I feel like he went along with the kissing but doesn't really fancy me.

he's the first guy I really liked since my ex so it's upsetting. We seemed to have developed a connection these last two months.

OP posts:
MrsRobinsonsHandprints · Today 10:09

Yes agree with @hididdlyho he has had his chance, do not let him mess you around again.

No man worth having makes you feel terrible.

Meadowfinch · Today 10:10

Stop worrying about it. You weren't rude. If he wants to call you, he will. If not, you haven't lost anything.

AmyDudley · Today 10:11

You don't need to apologise, he's being rude and giving out mixed messages. I'd say you dodged a bullet by finding out what he's actually like before you get involved. Personally I would ditch him, but I've got a low thresh hold for people who play silly games.

Anyway don't feel upset and mortified over some idiot who makes you feel bad.

skyscraperrain · Today 10:11

Just move on

dairydebris · Today 10:11

Your ego hurts. That's all. It'll pass no worries.

No one did anything wrong, I think in fact you were both quite open about your feelings.

You've nothing to be ashamed of and I think he was better than a lot of men at least not having sex with you then going quiet.

Onwards!

Highlighta · Today 10:12

Do you know the term "hangxiety" OP?

There may be a case of this kicking in this morning, and today things appear worse because hangover anxiety is a real thing.

You did not do anything wrong. But he is not the one for you if you want a serious relationship. He has made it clear now that he doesn't.

Drink water today and eat some carbs and put him to the back of your mind for a few days.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · Today 10:12

AmberCatz · Today 10:09

I'm so embarrassed. I feel like he went along with the kissing but doesn't really fancy me.

he's the first guy I really liked since my ex so it's upsetting. We seemed to have developed a connection these last two months.

And don't feel bad about that - finding someone attractive is nothing to do with the other person, it is just what we find attractive.
My closest male friend is exceptionally attractive and yet I have never been attracted to him- despite on paper him being exactly what I would want- it just isn't there.

Anyway maybe he couldn't have sex because he was having a flare up 😆

ChaToilLeam · Today 10:12

I'd just draw a line under him and move on.

Doubleknow · Today 10:13

Nothing here was your fault. He has been on several dates with you, kissed you but doesn't want anything romantic?

At least by "escalating" the situation you know now. It sounds like he would have led you on for ages.

LuckyHazelFox · Today 10:13

He wouldn't have kissed you if he didn't fancy you. Don't play along with his games. Don't give him that power to have you judging your fancybility value.

millit · Today 10:13

Why is he dating if he’s not looking for anything romantic? What’s the point of taking you out for the last few months then, just to pass the time?! Don’t feel bad, look at it as a lucky escape early on from someone who isn’t looking for the same things as you

AmberCatz · Today 10:13

Yep my ego has taken a huge hit. To think he spent four days/dates with me but he's not interested and doesn't fancy me. I feel very unsexy today :(

OP posts:
LuckyHazelFox · Today 10:13

AmberCatz · Today 10:13

Yep my ego has taken a huge hit. To think he spent four days/dates with me but he's not interested and doesn't fancy me. I feel very unsexy today :(

Stop it! ❤️

AmberCatz · Today 10:14

Doubleknow · Today 10:13

Nothing here was your fault. He has been on several dates with you, kissed you but doesn't want anything romantic?

At least by "escalating" the situation you know now. It sounds like he would have led you on for ages.

yes and this is why I did it. So I knew where I stood.

OP posts:
MrsRobinsonsHandprints · Today 10:14

LuckyHazelFox · Today 10:13

He wouldn't have kissed you if he didn't fancy you. Don't play along with his games. Don't give him that power to have you judging your fancybility value.

Actually I agree with this too- he is probably the sort that has such low esteem he wants to bring everyone else around him down and gets kicks out of making women feel bad/begging.

Do not let a few dates be a judgement on your worth

TheSlantedOwl · Today 10:15

Dear OP, you cannot base your sense of self or sexiness on the random weirdness of one twattish man who gave mixed messages.

TheProvincialLady · Today 10:15

I can’t believe what I’m reading.

Men and women are allowed to have a snog - even initiate it - without intending to have sex. They can decide to stop at any point.

Accusing someone of ‘leading them on’ is disgusting behaviour.

Just don’t see the man again if you’re not getting the physical contact you want. That’s your prerogative.

dairydebris · Today 10:16

AmberCatz · Today 10:13

Yep my ego has taken a huge hit. To think he spent four days/dates with me but he's not interested and doesn't fancy me. I feel very unsexy today :(

Thats not correct tho. He did fancy you, he just sensed you wanted more than he did and pulled back in that knowledge. Thats it. Happens to absolutely everyone in the world as is nothing to be ashamed of.

chirrupybird · Today 10:16

He could have just accepted the offer of sex and then dumped you. And he didn't say he didn't fancy you just that he's not looking for a relationship. Could have been much worse.

BibbityBoppityTwo · Today 10:17

He’s a total fucking weirdo. Who kisses someone and then claims to not be looking for anything romantic. Acting distant after you’ve just kissed someone is rude AF. If you’re not interested to take it further there are mature and kind ways to say so, which is not what he did. You dodged a bullet and I’d have nothing more to do with him. Absolutely DO NOT apologise.

EmailsaysOOO · Today 10:17

Nobody is to blame. He didn't want to overdo it, you'd both been drinking, he just wanted something casual..hey-ho such is life..Move on. You'll find somebody who is right for you in time.

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