Considering a holiday with a group half my age, where most are strangers.

[Whathappend]

I'm 50. I'm good friends with a 25 year old. I occasionally go out drinking and dancing with her and her friends.

Last night we were out. They were talking about their loose plans to go to ibiza next summer. I was enthusiastic and told them i was excited for them. This turned into an invite for me to join them.

I have wanted to go to ibiza my entire life. I love dance music and dancing until the early hours. But none of my friends in my life have ever wanted to join me on an ibiza holiday. And i don't want to go alone.

So I'm seriously considering taking them up on their offer.

However, they're half my age, so i won't be able to keep up. I've only met her friends a couple of times. They're nice enough, but not sure i want to go on holiday with near strangers. They've got less money than me, so I'll need to eat/sleep on their budgets. No nice meals out on holiday. And everything we do will be on their agenda and i won't feel i can interfere with that too much.

But i really want to go to Ibiza!

I'm a friendly person who gets on well with most. I can rough it for 4 days, and tell them I'm staying in if i need to rest. But still...

AIBU considering going with a bunch of 25 year olds where i only know 1 of them?

How many days? Go and join them and have an experience! Nothing to lose here, aside from some money if you didn’t like it but wth! You always wanted to go and they seem like a nice young bunch.

In the corporate world there’s reverse mentoring concept, if nothing else you’ll find out what life it like for a younger females now. I was mentored by a 20something and he gave me insights into what motivates mid-20s and used it with some of my younger staff.

Ive become a pooper in my old age, I want to be more like you, so go and come back and tell us all about it please.

Thanks for the name @TRS20 . I'd need to know a little about the people before i got there. Like i said, I've tried clubbing alone in the UK and it just isn't for me.

Extended holidays, cinema, restaurants, theatre alone, no problem, but clubbing solo isn't my bag.

She's amazing.

I was drawn to her when i found out she'd set up a community group a few years back, as she saw a specific need amongst women her age in her locality. Aged 20.

The group is still thriving 5 years on.

She's always said she's got an older than it should be head on her shoulders.

But it wasn’t your friend that invited you?

Sorry it’s a long thread - have you confirmed whether you have kids @Whathappend ?

They invited on a whim when drunk.

If it was a completely mixed group, couple of 25 yos, and couple of 30 or 40 somethings plus Op it wouldn't be so weird.

You might find some of these girls start pulling out blaming money or whatever when they've sobered up and actually thought about how the dynamic will change having an old person with them.

But you wouldn't be along you'd be with other single people? Who are obviously like minded single people who want a ibiza holiday.

You barely know the girls your thinking about going with.

It’s quite mean of you to say this seeing as on Mumsnet we know for sure that people drop out of these things all of the time, seemingly for no reason at all. This means the likelihood of people pulling out is very high anyway.

Bit cheeky if the friend of a friend to extend the invite without running it past anyone else first, not least @Whathappend ‘s actual friend!

You have absolutely no proof this is what happened. You're so determined to be a misery that you're inventing a narrative.

So are you going or not op?! I’m quite invested now! 🎉🪩🏝️

No OP I'm sorry I wouldn't.

I know different age groups can be friends. I know you get on with most people. The problem here is they are all the same age, in an established friendship circle and you are the outlier.

I can imagine my friends doing this when we were in our twenties and we would have meant it... In that moment. Then we would have forgotten all about it and honestly my middle aged self would not want to spend more than a few hours with my twenty something self. It's just such a different vibe.

Being on holiday together can show cracks in social circles, even really good friends. A group of total strangers can be much better as people are more on good behaviour. But you'd be the imposter in their circle.

My final point though is that I genuinely think your judgment is off. Your friend didn't invite you. Her friend did. Your friend hasn't followed up.

The only circumstances under which I'd consider this would be -
Friend contacted you directly reassuring you your presence would be highly appreciated.
You were added to a WhatsApp planning group and everyone was vocal they wanted you there
You were clear you'd be on a different time schedule.
You'd get separate accommodation.

The fact none of the above is happening makes me wonder if you're thinking straight.

Do join one of those Facebook groups and get your own holiday booked. Don't mention it again, I'd say your friend feels awkward and regretful.

It wasn’t a genuine invitation, it was just a drunken suggestion in the heat of the moment while you were all excited! They won’t want you to go and you would be bonkers to seriously consider it. It’s a bit weird to even have a night out with a bunch of 25 year olds when you’re 50, but a holiday is a whole different level of awkward.

Best thing you can do is find a solos holiday to Ibiza for people your own age and do it that way, if you’re really desperate to go. But if I’m brutally honest, Ibiza isn’t for the middle-aged so you may just have to accept you’ve missed the boat. Plenty of other exciting places in the world to visit. I regularly do group tours abroad on my own and have always had a great time: Egypt, Vietnam, Thailand, Italy, etc

I feel so sad for you if you genuinely think this.

I loved Italy and Thailand. Egypt was horrid as a single women. Vietnam was alright.

Have you tried Laos, Cambodia, Phillipines or Malaysia? They're great fun. China was diverse. India this summer was an absolute blast travelling alone. Or if you fancy something closer to home I can highly recommend Romania, Hungary, Poland or Uzebekistan.

I have many more recommendations if you need them.

What a limited and sorry life you must lead if you think a person is too old to visit Ibiza.

I see some 70 year olds out running in crop tops that look like they'd be happier on an Ibiza dance floor than some 20 year olds! I personally wouldn't have worn a crop to after 25, and wouldn't want to go, but the point is everyone should do what they want to do.

I don’t really travel alone, I travel as a solo but in a group with a bunch of strangers, and have always had a great time.

I assure you I don’t lead a limited or sorry life, but thanks for patronising me. Clubbing in Ibiza is not for the over 50s, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with visiting Ibiza per se. But seeing middle-aged people out clubbing with 20-somethings is cringe. It just looks like an embarrassing hen party.

But seeing middle-aged people out clubbing with 20-somethings is cringe. It just looks like an embarrassing hen party.

I wouldn't know. I don't watch others when they're out. I definitely don't judge them. Only people with sad and limited lives judge people having fun.

And if you are middle aged, why are you out clubbing yourself and seeing these people you're judging?

Try travelling alone without the group. It really broadens the mind. Sounds to me that you need it.

LOL - have you actually been to Ibiza recently? My 50-something cousin and her DH went over the summer. Fatboy Slim was playing and the clubs were full of middle aged people like them!

I say if the invite is genuine (ie reiterated) go for it OP. But get your own digs, you might want your own space.

This Op

@Whathappend have any of the group followed up the invite ?

I’m in my 50s and I’m certainly not out clubbing, for the reasons I’ve already stated. But I do see hen parties out & about of a weekend evening, who are obviously out clubbing with Mums, aunts, nana in tow, and it’s cringey. Yes, I do judge, as we all do about certain things.

You seem desperate to convince yourself that this drunken ‘invitation’ was genuine, and that it’s fine to be out drinking and dancing with people half your age, but I think it’s embarrassing. A meal, a show or an activity with them, fine, but clubbing and getting pissed with them, no. As a matter of interest, what social activities do you do with people your own age?

@Whathappend Go! On your own if the 'drunken invite' doesn't stand? (Dont threaten me with a good time!) Ive been many times, you will have a blast! People of all ages are out rocking, raving and misbehaving! We only live once!😈

@Mermaidmusing Out of curiosity what do you do with people your own age bracket? Im in my 30's and have friends in thier 60's I go to pub quiz with. I have friends in their 20's I go to spa with. I have friends who I do metal detectors and litter picking with off all ages. I have a mother in her 80's and all her friends are a great laugh and have so much wisdom! And all love a Jack Daniel and blast the music! What is your fun?

Ah. You're not enjoying being called out for being judgemental.

Clubbing is very different to a hen party, but if that's the comparison you're choosing to make, so be it.

I could tell you the social activities i do wth people of all ages, but I'm not sure you could comprehend from your sad and limited life the fullness of mine.

It's why i'm not friends with judgemental people. They're too much hard work. I gave them up years ago to live their sorry insular lives.

Pub quizzes, spas, metal detecting, etc, are perfectly fine for friends of mixed ages. The only thing I find it cringey for middle-aged people to do with MUCH younger people is getting pissed and clubbing. It just smacks of desperation.

I’m a teacher, so I actually do have friends from their late 20s up to about 60 (I’m mid 50s). With a mixed age group, I have gone out bowling, axe throwing, playing darts, etc, and occasionally the younger ones decide to head off to a club around 11pm but I wouldn’t dream of joining. TBH, I hated clubbing even when I was a student of 19/20!

With friends my own age, I regularly go to the theatre, a nice meal out, a long country walk, or an activity like a half-day cookery course to learn Thai/Chinese cookery, etc. Have also been to horse racing and other sporting activities. Or a weekend away somewhere. I’m also in a walking group and do some volunteering, and both are almost entirely with middle-aged and older people.

It's not an all or nothing choice. You could book yourself into a decent hotel for a few days and go out with them clubbing once or twice while your there.