Considering a holiday with a group half my age, where most are strangers.

[Whathappend]

I'm 50. I'm good friends with a 25 year old. I occasionally go out drinking and dancing with her and her friends.

Last night we were out. They were talking about their loose plans to go to ibiza next summer. I was enthusiastic and told them i was excited for them. This turned into an invite for me to join them.

I have wanted to go to ibiza my entire life. I love dance music and dancing until the early hours. But none of my friends in my life have ever wanted to join me on an ibiza holiday. And i don't want to go alone.

So I'm seriously considering taking them up on their offer.

However, they're half my age, so i won't be able to keep up. I've only met her friends a couple of times. They're nice enough, but not sure i want to go on holiday with near strangers. They've got less money than me, so I'll need to eat/sleep on their budgets. No nice meals out on holiday. And everything we do will be on their agenda and i won't feel i can interfere with that too much.

But i really want to go to Ibiza!

I'm a friendly person who gets on well with most. I can rough it for 4 days, and tell them I'm staying in if i need to rest. But still...

AIBU considering going with a bunch of 25 year olds where i only know 1 of them?

Hell would have to freeze over before I'd do that. But, OP, just go to Ibiza! If you don't want to go alone, find a group tour that you can latch on to. If you're into something like yoga, go on a yoga retreat. I don't understand why your going to Ibiza is dependent on women half you age? Help me.

It seems to me a very peculiar aspect of British culture that differently aged people are not supposed to be friends with each other and on the rare occasions they are, they
must never socialise in public. Older people are expected to feel shame in the presence of younger people and to accept that enjoying their company and stereotypically ‘youthful’ activity is ‘sad’. How strange.

In my youth I had several older woman friends who I did go out with and was in no way unusual in doing so. Restricting yourself to partícular age bands risks losing out on so
much.

My youngest daughter and her friends at uni’s favourite club is the one that has 80s nights where half the attendees are women her mum’s age. The atmosphere is great and they feel much safer!

Likewise their favourite pub is a traditional one with patrons of all ages. Two of them have joined the septuagenarian cards league and another pal plays golf with the fifty year olds. All very healthy and happy relationships.

Well said.

But the situation in the OP’s case is this is a group of friends of which op is friends with one person in the group (and not close). The others were strangers. The one friend the op did have in the group hadn’t and didn’t invite her. Instead it was one of the women that the op hadn’t met before who known the op all of two drinks in to the evening. They were all talking about it and this one person mentioned the op should join. Having not run it by the group at large and clearly just feeling a bit awkward that they were all talking about it around one person who was not invited

Your missing a young person's holiday to Ibiza is a party holiday, opportunity to pull and let hair down. Its really not something you do with people your mums age.

Does Op really want to look like the babysitter ? Or be the butt of Grab-a-granny jokes from other young groups.

She will absolutely change the dynamic of the holiday, group of young folk going away for maybe the first or second time.

If it was a sight seeing tour or an activity holiday (golf, ski, diving, cooking etc etc) where the emphasis is on doing something other than being young and getting drunk and partying I'd think different.

But in the old sober moments in the morning these young girls are not going to want Op tagging along.

Agreed, she probably said it being polite, not thinking Op would seriously consider it.

But none of them appear to be with your daughter and her friends who are in their mid twenties… are they?!

Its not just what other people will think. Having Op there will change they group dynamics.

And there interactions with other groups of young people.

I wouldn't go, in case it was just a case of them inviting you out of politeness and then regretting it if you come, that would feel really awkward even if they try to hide it. But definitely consider going by yourself, go have fun!

The young people at work invited me to a party and I said no, I'm too old, but I found out later they also invited someone even older than me so I guess they didn't mind but I think I still would have felt awkward. But I am going on a weekend away with our Union with some of the younger people, but its different because its a whole coachload of people going so there's bound to be other middle aged people there, even if I don't know them.

I find it amusing that a person thinks their opinion will be taken seriously when they haven't read the OP comments and don't have a clue what they're talking about.

You see it from a few MN users across the threads who try to shout loud, but look stupid in their ignorance.

Bless em.

Oh this is going to be toe curling if you mention this again. Just see if the friend of your friend (who had not invited you) mentions it again 🤞

I wonder why your good friend hadn’t invited you before

Some people on here are so ageist, Jesus! You're 50, not 100!!

I really don't see how her friends "had" to invite you just because you expressed some enthusiasm - that's nonsense. People don't just make a totally inappropriate invitation under some kind of invisible pressure from someone they don't know. Which makes me think that, while the invitation may have been on impulse, it's most probably sincere and you're most probably someone who seems youthful and fun and they enjoy your company.

People can be real friends with people of very different age to themselves. I used to be a huge clubber, living in a nothern city for a few years, and in our group of friends there were all sort of ages, from 18 to 50s. Everyone hang out together all the time, went out together, held parties together, and generally were one 'gang'. Nowadays the youngest have all become parents and the eldest have all retired, but everyone is still good friends and still go out and see each other from time to time.

For me, the issue is more that you don't know them, rather than the age gap. You might get tired of being tied to strangers.

There is a brilliant Facebook group Ibiza for over 40+ where you'll feel right at home, if you decide to give your young friend(s) a miss. Enjoy, whatever you decide.

@Whathappend
I think you need to bear in mind that many MNers’ default is to prefer to stay at home if they can, avoid socialising, never take chances and are always ready to end friendships over the smallest sleight. And you need to put any advice given in that context.

If it’s something you’ve always wanted to do,
then look at ways of making it happen. The Facebook group linked probably isn’t the only online group like this, so investigate. Keep an open mind with regard to the invitation from your friend’s friends. It may work if you are able to book your own accommodation and have a couple of groups to link into when you want to, so you may be happy to go sightseeing by yourself, but link up with a group for evening drinks and head to the club together.

Who knows?

The group are currently in the "lets see who wants to do this" phase of planning since the idea came up in the last week or two. Saturday was the first time I'd seen her since the summer hols.

Thanks for the encouragement and tips @Shinyhappyapple and @SecretsAndLies77 🥰

100% this!

If you want to go, go. Life is for living.

If you think their invite was genuine then go for it!

100% they’ll be sharing rooms. Will you get your own room?

Do you have kids @Whathappend ?

I'd go but book my own room (in the same hotel, or in an apartment as close as possible if they go for an air bnb thing). Then go out with them the first night. That won't really be any different that occasionally going out with friend normally. Tell them you'd love to come but don't want to cramp their style/aren't up for roughing it. Perhaps refer obliquely to knowing someone in Ibiza you want to meet up with so they/you don't feel guilty if you don't want to join them the whole time.

That first night will give you a bit of a taster - if they are really friendly, you love it and everything goes great you can go again. You can also take the opportunity to scout out whether it feels safe, if it's easy to get a taxi back, what the age range is like, etc.

If you see quite a few people on their own and feel safe enough perhaps you'll want to go alone the next night to arrive and leave on your own terms, or perhaps can message the over 40s group the pp referred to and meet up with them.

Or perhaps you might hate it and spend the next few days on the beach. Either way it won't be a wasted holiday.

At the end of the day you're the youngest now you'll ever be. You don't want to be on your death bed regretting not going!

Im your age op. There is no fucking way id go on holiday with a group of people half my age. People say alot of stuff when theyre drunk.

This is a good plan.

Sounds like a setting for a horror movie.

Do it! We only get one chance at life and it’s for living.

There seems to be a few particular posters here that have a major issue with this but that’s their problem not yours.

i wouldn't go with a group of 25 year olds. i'd find a group similar age to me and go with them. or go by yourself. i am more than double 25 and absolutely not no never no not no would i go on holiday with a group of people that age. massive differences.