AIBU to be annoyed by my husband's rude morning behaviour?

[Bronzeacorn]

This might be perimenopausal rage so just need you ladies to tell me if I'm being unreasonable.
Every morning I get up before my DD, I pack her lunch and schoolbag, make her breakfast, feed the dog, log on to work,make sure she gets out of bed on time and washes face/brushes teeth/gets dressed then I sit at the table with her chatting to her and simultaneously working on my laptop while she eats breakfast.

My DH usually works weekends so hes off during the week but he gets up 20 mins after DD (1hr 20mins after me) and barely says hello. He goes and sits in the living room and has his coffee alone, then after me and DD have usually had a pretty calm nice morning he will emerge from his solitude to start angrily rushing DD as he is the one who walks her to school.
Today my mum very kindly called during the morning and took a basket of our laundry to do as our washing machine packed up, it was a very kind offer from her so i was very grateful but DH barely said hello to her and didn't come into the kitchen at all while my mum sat and had coffee with me and DD.

I know I'm kind of being a martyr listing all the things I do but like I don't even care that I do everything if he wasn't so bloody rude.
Hes going through ND diagnosis so perhaps that's a factor but still AIBU to be annoyed about his rudeness?

He could be a rude individual or it could be he is not sociable in the morning. I am a very sociable person. I love company, however first thing in the morning i do not want anyone to speak to me AT ALL!! If I am forced to be up and around others my solution would be to have my morning tea alone or I would purposely put my alarm on earlier so I have time to come around gradually. He should be leaving plenty of time to get your daughter to school in a calm way.

It sounds like he's just not a morning person to me.

I can see why you might be interpreting him as rude - but to me it just sounds like he's being quiet. Not everyone is a morning person.

This is Mumsnet - so everyones going to jump on him possibly being ND - which he might be. But to me it just sounds like he takes time to get himself awake.

I doubt he's suddenly started behaving this way too.

I’m not great in the morning. A guy in our office has even said to me how sociable I am but very quiet first thing in the morning.

Some people arent morning people and need time to come around. Im not sociable in the morning either, it makes me feel physically ill. Im so fed up of everyone wanting to be nd. Its so ridiculous.

dh always complains how antisocial I am in the mornings. I just need time to wake up. He sorts dc breakfasts and seems to be full of energy. That was a great thing when dc were toddlers/babies as he could easily wake up at five to entertain them. I was breast feeding and awaken several times because of dc so I got little lie in. Now there is not that excuse anymore so I am just lazy according to him.

I need a good hour in the mornings before I feel human enough to have a decent conversation. I certainly wouldn’t want to be having a nice chat and a coffee with my MIL.

Even if she called to do you a favour?

Yep. She can talk to her son, why would I need to be involved?

I guess it depends if he's a morning person or not.

I don't speak to DH for at least a hour after we get up. Even his breathing irritates me.

He's irritating enough first thing. I don't need anyone else being around, particularly forced socialisation. Eurgh.

He didn't need to have a nice chat with her but he could of said good morning and thank you! I don't think you're being unreasonable op.
Is he just like this is the morning or all the time?

He could have done but it’s hardly the end of the world that he didn’t 🤷‍♀️

If my mother in law called to the house specifically to do a favour for my family the least I would do is make her a coffee and have a 5 min chat with her to say thank you.

Am I insane to think that this is just good manners?

Tbh he's kind of like this most of the time recently so it's prob just the straw that broke the camels back this morning

Same 😂

I have my own routine in the morning and that doesn’t involve socialising or talking to people.

I am diagnosed autistic though so maybe I am being rude but the alternative is that I get so overwhelmed I either snap or want to cry!

Is he kind and polite at other times of day?
If so, cut him some slack and just ignore him in the mornings.

But that’s you and your choice - not everyone is up to having a chat and a coffee first thing in the morning.

Yip
Some people like quiet
Some need no mil in the house afrer a shitty sleep? Or the quiet time of day it usualy is for them.

He is not unkind but definitely is regularly not polite.... like he will often fully ignore me if i speak to him or grunt/give one word answers. Recently he's been in bad form pretty much all the time.
We are not happily married, if he was to leave I think I.would feel relieved but I cant bear to think of living separately to my daughter so I won't leave myself.
Bit of a mess.

YANBU but I wonder whether it’s intentional or just thoughtless on his part?

Whilst in a perfect world he’d see it, the fact is not everyone does, so if you want to stay living with him you might need to make things more explicit/specific to him about what’s not working for you, what you’d like it to look like instead, and who needs to do what to get there?

Anyone can choose to be polite, sleeping preferences regardless.

How old is dd? Can she pack her own bag and get up without you doing stuff for her?

I don't think it's intentional just thoughtless. Like there is no way I would lie in bed while my partner got up early did everything in the morning but he just doesn't think of that he just thinks I want to do that or something haha
I think I prob have to have a conversation with him about it

She is 6.

I am ND. I don't do mornings happily.
I am never rude In the morning.
Just plan and sort things.

I'm a morning person in the sense i can get up early and get on with stuff but I can't have a conversation or a chat at that time.

In the situation you describe, I would mentally register that someone else was in the house and I'd recognise why they were there and I'd appreciate it but none of it would come out of my mouth. I wouldn't even realise I hadn't said anything.

I'm not saying that your husband is the same as me but offering an alternative to your personal experience because you seem to think yours is the 'right' way and it's not. It's just yours and makes sense to you because of that.

It sounds like you've generally fallen into a way of doing things that doesn't work for you. If that is the case, have a conversation with him and explain that. We're all capable of falling into habits and behaviours that quietly irritate other people.