AIBU to be annoyed by my husband's rude morning behaviour?

[Bronzeacorn]

This might be perimenopausal rage so just need you ladies to tell me if I'm being unreasonable.
Every morning I get up before my DD, I pack her lunch and schoolbag, make her breakfast, feed the dog, log on to work,make sure she gets out of bed on time and washes face/brushes teeth/gets dressed then I sit at the table with her chatting to her and simultaneously working on my laptop while she eats breakfast.

My DH usually works weekends so hes off during the week but he gets up 20 mins after DD (1hr 20mins after me) and barely says hello. He goes and sits in the living room and has his coffee alone, then after me and DD have usually had a pretty calm nice morning he will emerge from his solitude to start angrily rushing DD as he is the one who walks her to school.
Today my mum very kindly called during the morning and took a basket of our laundry to do as our washing machine packed up, it was a very kind offer from her so i was very grateful but DH barely said hello to her and didn't come into the kitchen at all while my mum sat and had coffee with me and DD.

I know I'm kind of being a martyr listing all the things I do but like I don't even care that I do everything if he wasn't so bloody rude.
Hes going through ND diagnosis so perhaps that's a factor but still AIBU to be annoyed about his rudeness?

I think YABU apart from him being angry with his daughter.

How horrible for you OP!

It's like you're a family of two, with an unrelated moody man hanging around.

I hope you can find a way to get out and have a happier life.

You don't have to be a morning person to say hello and acknowledge someone. YANBU OP.

His behaviours can’t be new? Are your feelings new?

I am shocking in the morning and am left alone, thankfully, need a cuppa first. Not rude but I don't want to be chatting the moment I wake up. Saying that, if someone popped around, fav or otherwise, I'd of course say hello and be friendly.

But has your hubby always been like this or is it more recent? Shouting at your daughter etc is rubbish parenting when she's done nothing wrong. I wonder if he has depression or anything that may have changed? Anyway, you guys need to talk it through calmly, see if can sort it out.

OP, start detaching and planning.
Life is too short to live unhappily.
It might take time, but start planning.
Talk to your mum and tell her the truth.
Could you stay with her for a while?
Some ND are not suited to family life and are at their core selfish arseholes.
Not all but definitely some.
They are not nice people to live with.

With only one child you definitely can have a better future away from him.

There we go! He’s generally a miserable rude man. Not just mornings.

YANBU. Saying good morning to your family first thing is hardly asking for a deep conversation on the works of Satre is it?

yanbu. So he gets to indulge in his grumpiness while you do everything? Nah, he's selfish and miserable.

ND does not equal bad and rude behaviour.

Esp as he wasn't bad or rude a while back... surely if ND, he'd have been rude all along?

I'm on your dh side, happily live in my own world waking up, till a couple of coffees. Even my kids know I will do everything for them before school just don't expect me to join in the giggles and chatter lol...just recently went away with my mum and totally forgot she's a chatterbox the minute she is awake awwww man I had to bite my toubge so many times and by the end of the week was just on auto nod and yes no till I'm awake haha

I think once you have kids you should do the mornings the same as any other person, barring night shifts etc

When I was working I used to get into the office very early to gather my thoughts before wankers started arriving and tried to talk to me. If I swiped into the door and some people were already there before me my heart used to sink. Then again it used to sink at all other times of the day too. I’m not very tolerant or sociable

Taking them to school is the easy part isn't it, when somebody else has done the hard work and got them fully ready, and to the door? Sorry you're doing through this op, why does your dh only work on weekends?
Does he tend to say hi when he comes in a room, or home etc?

And for all of those saying you're miserable in the mornings, are you full of energy later on when your parter cannot be bothered?

I think, yes, I could still understand it. My Mum was very much not a morning person and for over 40 years my Dad would persist in talking to (at) her constantly or asking questions about humdrum things that could wait. It caused collosal rows between them...she tried for decades to explain that she needed time to wake up properly in the mornings, he'd already been up ages, it was much worse in later years. I am a little like her though I come round more quickly but even so there have been times when my DH will tell me trivia from the minute I put the kettle on, but now knows a certain look means I Am Not Ready Yet.

Surely the option to “not be a morning person” goes out the window once you have kids? He’s happily opting out of parenting every morning so he gets his lie-in and you do it all.

Exactly, or if the none morning person opts out of mornings, than they need to sort the evenings.

Why would you be living separately from her? You'll likely get primary custody.

Sorry he's a shit

No it's been a long standing issue with us that he will frequently not acknowledge someone when they come into a room (mostly me) and the funny part is he started getting so annoyed when DD does that to him.
He says it's his potential ND. Usually after an argument he will try and things will temporarily improve but eventually things always go back to him entirely withdrawing not acknowledging me etc.

When he's away for a few days things are so much nicer me and DD have the best fun and I can have people over without him getting annoyed or being rude.

It's plain rudeness. He could make an effort if he wanted to.

You're not being unreasonable. Even if someone is not a morning person, they can still conform to the basic rules of civility i.e. say hello and have a few words with a visitor coming to your home to you a favour. I'm fine with someone not wanting to chat extensively first thing, but general moodiness not so much.

My youngest is not a morning person. He needs a good 30minutes to be verbal/present - but I still get a groan and a pat-pat (or I'm allowed to pat-pat him when I say good morning, and he silently acknowledges it with his eyes)

Me and my other son are morning people - early risers who basically go from asleep to awake with very little in between, which I get can be annoying to the night owls, but I'm not expecting a full conversation or even words until he's ready, just some basic manners.

I would not be pleased if I got attitude.

Yes. My husband does the morning get up, breakfast and out to nursery while I can just about get myself dressed and to work on time. I'm miserable in the mornings.

I'm a night owl and get my burts of energy around 6pm so I do bath and bed time while my husband sits and chills for the evening on the sofa. Then I'll do an hour of housework and join him on the sofa about 9 for an hour of relaxation before bed.

I probably end up doing more in the grand scheme of things but I don't mind because I don't have to deal with the morning rush. It's a trade off that works for both of us because he naturally wakes at 6.30 am and I sleep through at least two alarms but he's out of energy by 5pm and I'm full of it and can't sit still until later on.i do more night wake ups too because I find it easier than him.

Even if he is unsociable or nd id say it to him, yes it’ll probably be an argument but just that in the morning he says nothing before he comes out irritated and you could add he wasn’t great to your mum