AIBU to be annoyed by my husband's rude morning behaviour?

[Bronzeacorn]

This might be perimenopausal rage so just need you ladies to tell me if I'm being unreasonable.
Every morning I get up before my DD, I pack her lunch and schoolbag, make her breakfast, feed the dog, log on to work,make sure she gets out of bed on time and washes face/brushes teeth/gets dressed then I sit at the table with her chatting to her and simultaneously working on my laptop while she eats breakfast.

My DH usually works weekends so hes off during the week but he gets up 20 mins after DD (1hr 20mins after me) and barely says hello. He goes and sits in the living room and has his coffee alone, then after me and DD have usually had a pretty calm nice morning he will emerge from his solitude to start angrily rushing DD as he is the one who walks her to school.
Today my mum very kindly called during the morning and took a basket of our laundry to do as our washing machine packed up, it was a very kind offer from her so i was very grateful but DH barely said hello to her and didn't come into the kitchen at all while my mum sat and had coffee with me and DD.

I know I'm kind of being a martyr listing all the things I do but like I don't even care that I do everything if he wasn't so bloody rude.
Hes going through ND diagnosis so perhaps that's a factor but still AIBU to be annoyed about his rudeness?

Feel free to stop commenting at any time, this isn't a hostage situation.

I’m just flabbergasted by this thread.

Some things have really changed and it is making me feel old!

How can it be ok to just decide not to talk in the morning? Anyone who looks after a child can’t do that. What about if you have to work early (I used to be in work 7:30 most mornings), shift workers, farmers etc etc?!

You can not enjoy talking or not be at your best, but that is a massive difference. A lot of people seek to be mistaking not wanting to do something with not being able to do something.

I thought I had answered previously but no he wasn't always like this prob started 3 years ago and its become really bad over the last year.

If he only works weekends and has chosen to be the drop off parent he does really need to try to be nicer (just like you have to act it at work even when you're feeling rubbish!); it was rude to be like that with your mum.

And would this coincide with when the marriage started to deteriorate generally?

Sounds to me like the marriage has become shit and he has lost respect for you. So because he doesn’t care about the marriage, he doesn’t care whether you think he’s an arse in the morning or not.

OP, this is going to be a Terrible atmosphere for your only child

@Bronzeacorn don't pay attention to the posters still fixating on 'not being a morning person' or criticising your mum, those inputs are not relevant.

What is relevant is that this seems like a really unhappy atmosphere for you and your daughter. While you are worrying that she may have some time solo with him, you are forgetting that at the moment ALL her time is WITH him.

Yes, you are there too, but how much more peaceful and calm would her life be if she was with just Mum most of the time, without the looming specter of her grumpy Dad?

Also if he really did want to have her overnight, he would soon see how much hard work it is on his own and may not want to continue with any regularity.

Think carefully about whether it would be doing the kindest thing for your daughter to leave him. He won't change.

I think you need legal advice on your individual circumstances to find out how likely custody would be, then you can make your decision. He sounds like a "reluctant" parent. People on these threads might have suggestions for where you can get advice on this as well as the legal side.

I am autistic but my parents expected me to be polite. He doesnt have to be chatty but you could point out that hes being rude. Constant bad manners and grumpy behaviour is so draining. He should live on his own. What do all the people who cant cope with conversation in the morning do if someone needs to give them crucial information? What if you have to be at work early and they dont get their quiet time. It would be funny if it wasnt so entitled.

I'm fairly lucky that all my kids are the same as me, we're not morning people so we just sit in silence/grunt at each other for about an hour. I don't know what I'd do if I had a chatty child in the morning.

Anyway, it doesn't sound like the morning behaviour is the issue if he's like this all the time

Even as babies and toddlers and very young children?

I'm exactly the same. Need 2-3hrs alone 😁

And is that possible?

Whether he is a morning personal or not, he has a family and somebody called round to do him a favour. He has a responsibility to fame being so sociable; being neuro diverse is not an excuse to be rude.

It's the modern world. The most important thing has become "self". So if you don't want to speak in the morning (at all) you just grunt like a pig and let someone else pick up the slack. If someone comes to collect your washing because your washing machine has broken down, you're well within your rights to totally blank them. Fuck them for doing you a favour because, you know, you aren't a morning person and that's their problem. Dear god.

Yes, even as very young children. In fact I've had to wake my children for nursery/school or whatever for pretty much their whole lives. My youngest is 5 and she regularly sleeps in until 9.30 on weekends and has to be practically dragged downstairs on a school morning.

Can’t imagine the mornings before school run are a particularly happy place at yours 😧