AIBU To be excessively worried about DD’s safety as she leaves for university?

[MimiGC]

My DD has grown up in a small, very safe town. She’s a sensible girl, but never really had to be overly concerned for her safety on the streets before - public transport isn’t great here, so we’ve often given her lifts late at night. She’s now about to go to a big city (Birmingham) and I’m so worried for her. Obviously what you see in the media is always the worst of a place and I know I need to get things in perspective a bit more. I am thinking of getting her a personal alarm, for when she she’s walking home in the dark. AIBU?
If your DD has been to university in Birmingham, can you put my mind at rest?

Better safe than sorry! I’d get it all!

When mine were students in big cities, none of them, male or female, walked home from nights out alone: friends and Ubers.

She'll have to worry and actively guard herself against getting spiked. And not just in the drinks these days, directly by injections as well.

Walking back on her own at night you don't know who she'll come across and what intentions they'll have.

Birmingham isn't the nicest city as well.

The biggest dangers women always face are from people we know - a small safe town is no protection

it’s boys who are more at risk of attack from strangers but we women are brought up fearful

teach her the basics and if possible pop an extra £100 in her bank account so she can call a legit cab ( talk about that ) for her and her friends any time - tell her it will be topped up if she has taxi reciepts

and her friends - talk to her about never leaving any friend ( male or female ) behind if at all possible

and yes it is a scary time and yes the fear is mostly irrational

I think more than personal alarms (though no harm in getting one) you'd be better off making sure she knows always to be with friends and not walk home alone. Suss out the ok areas and not ok areas. Keep her drink safe when out with friends and so on.

Remember universities want their young people to be safe so there is likely to be some information during her induction week too. Ours does transport back from the student clubs to campus etc.

Birmingham is a big city and has it's problems. The uni city I work in has always been seen as safe and small but one of my students was mugged last year so it can happen anywhere. He was drunk, alone and vulnerable.

Good grief, British cities are by and large extremely safe places. She will be in a student heavy area, with thousands of others in a similar position. She will be fine. She's hardly going to be visiting the deprived areas walking solo at night? Of course she needs to be aware of personal safety - but there will be many thousands of other students there largely living in a student bubble.

Buy the alarm for sure, but worry not

I grew up in a small safe town and went to the university of Birmingham. One of the things that appealed to me I think was that it’s not right in the middle of a big city. Safe and easy to get to the centre by train though. Best of both worlds. I don’t remember ever having to walk through dodgy areas at all. Went back for a visit a couple of years ago - the surrounding areas seemed generally improved if anything.

Legitimate taxis only, phone theft at nightclubs is a problem as is spiking - but my dd loved it there and made some fabulous friends (graduated last year) - she just needs to be vigilant when out drinking- and to be honest the small town we live in has the same problems too but on a smaller scale so vigilance is key

Install the uber app on her phone and link it to your account so she doesn't get stuck somewhere and has to walk home alone.

Tell her not to walk alone in the dark. Thats basic advice. But yes YABU.

I don't think that is a helpful answer. Drink spiking is an issue but by staying with friends and looking after each be other drinks is quite easy to prevent. My 22 year old daughter does this as second nature ( told me off for being a bit slack at holding my drink when we went out together.) The injection thing has mainly been proven to be an urban myth. Ask an anaesthetist is there a drug which can incapacitate someone with just a brief prick into your subcutaneous fat they would say no.

My DD is from a small safe town and is going away to uni next month. I'm not an anxious person and I'm not overly worried, but I have set up an uber account and given her access to it. I've told her to use it when she's out late and I'm happy to pay.

If it's Birmingham Uni, the area around there is decent. The main City social hangout is Broad Street, which is ok. Plenty of black cabs waiting. I would get her the personal alarm. Is she staying in residential halls?

Well, of all cities she could have chosen Birmingham is probably the roughest. I travel lots for work alone and teach at a uni in another big UK city which feels much safer to walk through. Sorry to not allay any fears but I’ve often wandered through lots of large urban areas and grew up in Bradford which obviously has an appalling reputation, never felt as unsafe as I did walking through Birmingham.

How dp you think students cope every year now there?

Why is the majority vote telling a mother she's overreacting about her daughter's safety? She's not being erratic, she's being practical.

I think the universities take student safety seriously and there will be advice on tap from them.

I have a GC born and brought up in a rural area who is looking to go to uni in London. I am concerned about their lack of street wise experience but hope the university will be all over this. It is always hard to let young adults go and trust that they will make the right judgements.

This was helpful. 🥴

How is she being practical? There are other students going same as previous years how do they get on?

Birmingham - no thanks

But the parts UoB students are likely the be in aren’t the roughest. They don’t need to walk through those bits. It occurred to me after I’d posted that my ‘small safe town’ had at one end one of the most socially deprived areas in the country… we just didn’t go there.

My niece lives in Birmingham and she doesn't go out by herself after it gets dark. Birmingham has definitely become more dangerous as time has gone on - you have every right to be concerned!

Reminders about drink spiking is helpful - if you took your eyes off your drink, do not drink it. But overall, Birmingham is a great city. The only thing my mum said when I went to London was to call her if I was alone at night (at the station getting the night bus at 2am - not sure she was fully impressed with that one but I did call her).

we are taking dd to uni mid September then plan to visit in November so she can show us around and let us see her new world. Your dd will have a great time in Birmingham and it’s normal for a mum to worry. I was fine with dd going to uni but suddenly feel very teary. I’m going to miss her far more than she misses me.

She’ll be absolutely fine! It’s hardly a warzone! Young people have been moving to “big cities” for uni for decades, it’s often the making of them!

Oxford does too and no tourist or likely student is going up to that end. Not really the point, I walked through the city centre of Birmingham including near the main train stations. It felt frightening and I didn’t just go once.