AIBU To be excessively worried about DD’s safety as she leaves for university?

[MimiGC]

My DD has grown up in a small, very safe town. She’s a sensible girl, but never really had to be overly concerned for her safety on the streets before - public transport isn’t great here, so we’ve often given her lifts late at night. She’s now about to go to a big city (Birmingham) and I’m so worried for her. Obviously what you see in the media is always the worst of a place and I know I need to get things in perspective a bit more. I am thinking of getting her a personal alarm, for when she she’s walking home in the dark. AIBU?
If your DD has been to university in Birmingham, can you put my mind at rest?

I live in Birmingham and went to university here. She will be fine and have a great time (although it's normal to worry). It's the same as any big city, but the student accommodation is no where near the rough areas you hear about. If she is in halls the first year, she will be in a non residential area surrounded by 1000s of other students. The University will also provide talks during welcome week on safety, they will be aware that some students will not be used to big cities.

The Guild of Students will also support in this area (https://www.guildofstudents.com/support/keepsafe) and will have induction talks.

The only advice would be the same I'd give to anyone in a big city, make sure you take a proper registered taxi home after a night out.

She’ll have to walk alone in the dark sometimes. It gets dark at 5pm in winter! If she is living around The Vale, Harborne or Sally Oak those areas will be busy with students all hours. I walked from the university to all the student areas in all times and always felt safe as there were always students around.

That poster sounds very naive about spiking - definitely not exclusively a Birmingham thing. The issue at uni is they haven’t made friends in that first term so are more vulnerable. I wouldn’t even leave a drink with a new uni friend as you’ve no idea how alert they will be.

Unis are great at advising re safety and organising uni events so they do stick together a lot.

Have a really open chat with dd about drugs. The drug situation is rife where my daughter attends university. People can die taking them. And drugs of various forms seem to be everywhere (not saying this is the case everywhere.)
Also drink spiking. My daughter believes she has been the victim of this. It can lead to a type of rape again my daughter is aware of this happening to someone she knows. Daughter is very careful about leaving drinks etc.
Do not walk home alone at night.

Contraception. Again discussions if you have not yet had them.
Sorry op, these are things you might not want to hear.

Things have got a lot worse since I was a student. There were drugs etc. but it did not seem to be on such a big scale nor as readily available.

Not Birmingham, but you could be describing DD who is in Liverpool. She doesn't drink alcohol or go clubbing, although does go out to pubs, restaurants, cinema, etc. with friends.
We spoke about safety and she wouldn't walk alone in the dark. In her first year her accommodation had security and you couldn't access it without a pass.
There was a couple of occasions she had to go to the walk-in doctor's surgery in the dark. I paid for ubers each way.
She hasn't had any issues so far.

If you're seeing it through the eyes of a visitor, you're likely seeing some nice snapshots of the Bullring and Brindley Place, which is the canal/pavement cafe area. What I am quite surprised about is other mothers agreeing the OP is overly concerned.

Most students don't buy drinks in clubs - they have 'pre's' in halls/houses before they go out - so much so that one club in BHam was asking club goers to pre-pay for a drinks voucher before going in (it didnt last)!

Yet many students go to Birmingham uni every year. I say this as someone who knows the family of Barney Webber - no where is 100% safe and as a parent we just have to step back and hope dc will be safe. Scaremongering the op isn’t really helpful is it. Useful tips on where to avoid etc.

Please don’t make your anxiety the reason why your daughter is frightened of the world. So many young people are scared to engage with their peers, with their communities and their environments. I read about adult women on mumsnet who are scared to open their front door, to drive to somewhere they don’t know, to go for a walk in the woods. Their fear makes their lives small. This should be a time when your daughter is embracing the world around her. I hope she has a brilliant time, takes sensible procautions but doesn’t shy away from claiming her place in the world.

Can you get her an uber account but link it to your account/card? That way she knows it’s there, she can always get a car if she needs to and there’s no worry about money being used for something else if it’s just put into her bank account each month. I think this would be the first thing I’d do. I imagine a big city like Birmingham will always have plenty of Ubers available. Hopefully she’ll also make a group of friends who will stick together on nights out so that nobody has to walk home alone.

She’s studying at the Royal Conservatoire which is part of Birmingham City University. She’ll be travelling out to Bournville every day, but staying in halls in the city centre for the first year. I imagine in the 2nd year, they’ll get a shared house nearer to Bournville.

Just for balance @MimiGC She will be excited but nervous so best you can do is put her mind at rest even if you're not feeling it. Some posters have offered good practical advice about money. It's a new adventure for her, so as long as she's on her guard and surrounded by her peers, she will be OK.

I heard Blackbird Leys was rough as well. Both quite a long way from the Colleges, Museums, Galleries. Worth knowing the rough areas when looking for somewhere to rent.

How on earth does she cope in winter when it gets dark at 4pm?!

YANBU to be concerned and worried and rightly so, but as previous posters have said, there will be talks on safety and what to do/not to do guidance, and lots of contact details given to students and things like the free campus pick up if they operate one.
Uber, always carry a small portable charger, always make a girl/friends code about coming home plans every time they’re going out off campus in evenings.
Some parents and uni kids are happy to be tracked for a few weeks while they settle in and get to know the area.

My daughter graduated from Nottingham about six years ago - when she was there it was known as Shottingham ! Of course I was worried … but the girls look out for each other and rarely go anywhere alone - they move in packs so safety in numbers . No trouble at all for the time she was there . Whereas my son was attacked twice when at Uni in the more gentile town of Reading …

My daughter has just completed 3 years at UoB, i so not recognise all the angst on here. Go to Selly Oak, walk the residential streets and the main high street, have a drink in the Goose. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Yes, that exactly why I am asking for advice here. Thousands of others have done it, so how DID they get on?

OP - your worries are excessive. MN is probably not the place to ask because it will be it will be infiltrated by people who want the world to believe our cities are really unsafe. We live in a small town and I worry about my DC more here than at uni in a city. Spiking exists everywhere, no taxis home here, little street lighting, friends dotted around (not walking home to the same destination together). She will have a great time, relax and ignore people talking about 'Brum" in a way to make you think they are locals.

Bournville is one of the most prestigious parts of Birmingham and it's highly sought after. I know the Royal Conservatioire well - you must be so proud. She's got her head well screwed on to be a student there x

By just going to uni like students do all over the world

I went to Birmingham. Me and all my friends always made sure we were safe together - you need to allow your daughter to gain independence.

She stays home. She has witnessed assaults in the city centre, been followed, heckled at by groups of men, so I don't blame her.

Dd went to Manchester, so not Birmingham but similar size city. I can remember being really worried, thinking about her walking back home in the dark, etc. she’s always being fine. Has said she always feels safe.

She walks back in the evening after uni by herself and I assume probably does after a night out….saying that she doesn’t drink and she doesn’t go clubbing so I don’t think she’s out late a lot. She says it’s always very busy with people in the streets so I think that big cities can be safer than we initially think. To get to her flat there is a shortcut down a quieter road and I did talk to her about sticking to the main road when it’s dark/quiet.

I agree , some of these comments are ridiculous…dont go out in the dark, really??!!