AIBU To be excessively worried about DD’s safety as she leaves for university?

[MimiGC]

My DD has grown up in a small, very safe town. She’s a sensible girl, but never really had to be overly concerned for her safety on the streets before - public transport isn’t great here, so we’ve often given her lifts late at night. She’s now about to go to a big city (Birmingham) and I’m so worried for her. Obviously what you see in the media is always the worst of a place and I know I need to get things in perspective a bit more. I am thinking of getting her a personal alarm, for when she she’s walking home in the dark. AIBU?
If your DD has been to university in Birmingham, can you put my mind at rest?

So she never has a lecture in the winter in the afternoons? Never goes to the shop or the gym or out with a friend on her own?

How depressing.

By just getting on with it

Bournville is one of the nicest parts of Birmingham, with a short, direct train line back to the city centre, which runs late into the evening and goes past University station so it's always busy with students. I've been on that train route a few times after dark and felt safe.

Ahh, Birmingham City is different to UoB, it's a lot closer to Broad Street where most of the students pub 'n' club - some of the accommodation is only a 10-15 min walk from all the main hang-outs. The advice remains the same though - go out in groups, track each other, use cabs, don't get falling down drunk!

My niece is long out of university - she has a job.

You're right - it is depressing that the city she once loved has become more dangerous for her so much so that it affects her daily life.

100% this, you are blowing this up out of all proportion… it’s Bournville! Please go and see for yourself.

I just heard something about an Uber driver this morning. I wouldn't want to get an Uber alone.
Proper local taxi firm I would use.
Even better a lady driver although they are few and far between.

Thanks for all the replies. I see there are a number of comments about taxis- either Ubers or warnings to only use ‘legitimate’ or ‘registered’ taxis. To be honest, her being alone in a Birmingham Uber/ taxi is one of my concerns. Any recommendations for good companies?
I know it’s good advice to say stick together, go out in groups, trust your friends, etc, but in the early days she won’t know anyone well enough to trust them.

Op i grew up in London and as a teenager was out all over thr place (pre phones and ubers) and yes probably put myself in danger but I very very rarely felt at risk either then or in a smaller city as a student

Please dont infect her with your anxiety. Dont ask yo track her or worry her with constant demands for reassurance. She needs to enjoy student life without thinking on all nights out about you worrying about her.
Teach her sensible advice. The besr advice really is dont get blond drunk and always stick with friends

You could offer to pay for ubers so she never avoids them to save costs?

Other than thst i think you need to trust and let go

I know Birmingham a little and they are so friendly there ! She will have a great time

By the way i disagree with your comment about not trusting people in early days. I find that a sad comment.

My first weeks at uni were the most amazing fun. I am still friends with people I met in my first days there (30 years later0

She will find everyone in the same position and I assure you there will be a warm friendly atmosphere where people support each other

Hi @MimiGC
I went to a Bham uni and was then a police officer in Bham city centre

It's busy! But as long as she stays together with friends and sticks to main areas she'll most likely be fine. Nothing bad happened to me personally in around 15 years of living in Bham city centre and an outside poor/rough student suburb.

Public transport is excellent and reliable, even late at night.

I think an alarm is only as good as her likely to have it to hand all the time. The best defence is having people around her and not going to dodgy areas.

She's more likely to get pick pocketed than anything else so encourage her to get a zipped/fastened bag with the fastening facing into/against her body.

It's a brilliant city to be a student in, so much happening and relatively small.
She's going to have a lot of fun, hopefully!

I went to university in 1981, halls were about a mile from the Brixton riots. My mother gave me a personal alarm, but I only used it once and that was an early winter evening when I was kerb-crawled.

Yes, Bournville itself seems lovely, but she will only be there during the day for classes. She won’t be living there.

Tbh, as others have said, i live in London and think that, in terms of opportunistic attacks (which are statistically very rare in any case), a small, quiet place is potentially less safe for a woman walking alone at night than a big bustling city. She may need to be more street wise against petty crime - avoid using her phone too much in public, wear a cross-body handbag to reduce risk of it being snatched etc.

Birmingham is a fabulous city and uni. I’m sure she’ll have an amazing time!

OP - that is such a sad comment about trust. I hope you are simply sharing on here and not filling your daughter with a lot of anxiety.

I think there good ideas around not walking home alone and getting a taxi with friends which would apply to any UK university city which should raise with Dd. A rape alarm may make you feel happier but being aware of her surroundings is more important. Moving away from someone who they don’t feel comfortable with. I am planning a similar discussion with my DD who is going to a different university is Sept.

DD advised me on the use of Uber! Book through the app, confirm it's the right vehicle and driver, use PIN verification, take a photo of the number plate/car and send it to a friend, allow ride share tracking.

She was told all this when she started uni and passed it on to me. I get her ride share tracking notifications (which are a pain in the arse at 4am when she is tumbling out of a club!) so I get to know that she's home safe (and to know not to phone her for a chat that morning 😂)

Do you know that Bham city uni is also attached to the military? Please do more research if you are so worried, visit the place she’ll be staying…I know it’s always a worry when they branch out but you really really are over thinking this.

Would she miss lectures if they finish at 5 as she can’t guarantee someone will be waking back her way as they might be meeting friends, doing clubs, have a meeting with a lecturer etc?

Not really setting her up for life where she’ll need to be out after 4pm if she wants a job in the real world. You can’t have a chaperone for the rest of your life.

i love locally and have travelled a lot. Birmingham’s fine - same as any other city. No need to unduly worry, but she needs to be sensible, stay with friends when out, get licensed taxis or Ubers - of which there are plenty. Also public transports frequent and safe if not too much of a walk to accommodation. She will love it! Lots to see and do. If she’s not looking for trouble it’s less likely to find her. In any club she should be watching her drinks and be aware of surroundings. X

Drinks can be spiked wherever, not just in big cities. Just make her aware that she needs to watch her drinks.

Also stick with friends on nights out. I think most young ppl will do that as a rule.

Honestly I think most safety essentials are simple and apply to both men and women. Don't walk alone at night empty/,unfamiliar areas, don't walk about staring at your phone unaware of your surroundings, be aware of your alcohol tolerance - for example if you've not eaten much you might get drunk far quicker than you think. Obviously that doesn't make anything that happens your fault but dodgy people will be looking out for vulnerable people.

I grew up in London and went around at night a lot as a young woman (and no its not more dangerous now than it was then) and not a thing happened to me at night. It is not inevitable!

In my opinion Ubers are safe, if the car stops for too long it sends an alert to your phone to ask if you’re ok. Its tracked. You can set it up so she sends tracking info to you when she gets in or a teen account which automatically sends it. I’m in an out of Birmingham all the time, yes there are a few drinks/druggies but there are never concerned with any one else but themselves. Don’t let people scare you.

Can’t recall ever walking home alone at night when I was at university. Was always with friends or in a taxi.

Some of these comments are ridiculous. I grew up in Birmingham. My whole family still lives there! It’s not a ghetto! No one stays in after dark shaking in their homes.
Sure there are rough areas. Like any city. But she won’t be going there. The city centre is fine. The uni areas are fine.
Birmingham is a great city, a great place to live and good fun for a night out.
Honestly cannot imagine living in such fear of going to a city. You all must live in the back of beyond with zero life experiences.