AIBU To be excessively worried about DD’s safety as she leaves for university?

[MimiGC]

My DD has grown up in a small, very safe town. She’s a sensible girl, but never really had to be overly concerned for her safety on the streets before - public transport isn’t great here, so we’ve often given her lifts late at night. She’s now about to go to a big city (Birmingham) and I’m so worried for her. Obviously what you see in the media is always the worst of a place and I know I need to get things in perspective a bit more. I am thinking of getting her a personal alarm, for when she she’s walking home in the dark. AIBU?
If your DD has been to university in Birmingham, can you put my mind at rest?

Do you know Birmingham? @MimiGC areas for your daughter to avoid: Bordesley Green, Ladywood, Sparkhill. Moseley is a trendy social village, and not far from the city. From my recollection it's not too bad but borders Balsall Heath, another one to avoid. I doubt she would be venturing into those fringe places though. Security at the campus is tight.

Because the AIBU question relates to her being ‘excessively’ worried. She needs to give her DD practical level headed advice and support as suggested by various PP not hyperbole.

Oxford? 100 times safer than Birmingham

I went to the University of Birmingham, having grown up in a tiny village in Norfolk.
Honestly she will be absolutely fine and will have a wonderful time. It will be the making of her. It's a fantastic university and they do a lot to look after the freshers.

I do wonder if some of these posters have been to Birmingham. It’s like when London is described as being taken over by sharia law then I go and it’s the same lovely London I know so well.

Ha of course it is but it has a rough end, just no reason for anyone to go there whereas in Brum the actual city centre is awful.

London’s safe as anything, quite comfortably walk around London at night and be pretty certain I’ll be safe as a solo female. Could not say the same about Brum.

Near the dog track? Why would anyone go to the dog track?

I didn’t feel safe walking around Birmingham as a grown woman and city girl after dark. As others have said, she will be best walking home as a group or sharing a taxi.

3 years ago I felt the same as you, same situation, same uni. I asked DD to either let me track her (find my iPhone or life360, or to set it up with all her housemates so that they could look out for each other. She understood it wasn't a control thing, but a safety thing. 3 years on the girls are still tracking each other, even after 2 of them went away on placement for a year!

I was glad that DD chose UoB, as when we did the tours it felt like one of the safest, and I stand by that, it still does. DD goes out into the city and laughs at my fears about walking home - there is always a group of them. I did set up an Uber account that she uses sporadically, but it's used more when she is feeling lazy than for safety reasons!

There are lots of events on Campus, which means there is always an option other than going into the city. Is your DD going to live on the Vale? It's a slog from the city but there is a lot to do right on the doorstep.

So which part of Brum do you go to?

Getting her worked up about urban myths and moral panics like these would probably be more detrimental to her safety and overall quality of life in the long run, ironically.

I agree very central London is - not all of it though - but I also wouldn’t want dd to walk alone at night in my southern small town.

An unhelpful and naive response
spiking is rife - in drinks and by needle
and prevalence IS increasing
your clever anaesthetist friend will tell you that spiking is unlikely to render the victim completely unconscious, but sufficiently incapacitated to be harmed -

spiking is NOT an urban myth

Mine was at uni in Oxford (not that one!) and Ox Brooks and Ox clubbed together for a late night minibus collection. Cost £1 (this was back in 2011) and it picked you up anywhere in Oxford and deposited you back at your digs. You might see if Aston and Birmingham have a reciprocal arrangement?

I would say a personal alarm is good but mostly hoards of students from the same halls tend to go out together and come home very drunk together as well. Advise her to keep £50 all the time in her bank account (or an emergency bank account) for an emergency taxi/Uber.

You say it yourself, OP - it's "excessive". We all have to learn how to get by in the world - it's pretty much the point of going to university! By all means encourage your daughter to be sensible, but then leave the subject. Tens of thousands of students go away every year, and they are fine. You need to view this as the fantastic opportunity that it is.

I’ve lived and travelled alone all over the world.

By far the most dangerous thing I’ve ever done as a woman is have a male domestic partner.

Your warnings should be around 90% about men she knows, and about 10% about strangers. If the balance is wrong, the warning isn’t coming from a place of concern, it’s coming from a place of control. We don’t need even more women who won’t go out at night, who won’t travel alone, whose independence is curtailed in every way.

We’ve visited the uni (dd off to a different uni in a few weeks) and go a couple of times a year for concerts. The last one was Sofia Isella and we walked around the centre beforehand - the bullring - and then walked quite a way through the centre to our parked car after the gig.

I’m not saying it’s “safe” - it’s a city - but uni students were not all complaining it’s unsafe when we visited. I just don’t think it’s proportionately as dangerous as posters are suggesting.

I carry a personal alarm with me so yes I think it’s a good idea.

Blimey, the dramatics on this thread 😬

She’ll be fine.

So groups of men hanging around cat calling women aren't a threat then?

Last note from me on spiking -
the myth is : that needle spiking does not happen
the Met Police - and others- actively encourage reporting of suspected needle spiking

Rose Hill.

Yes. This is good advice. And always buy your own drinks in a club, and don't leave drinks unattended.

Birmingham University is in a leafy suburb and hopefully by the time she’s in the second year, she’ll be more streetwise. A lot of social stuff is on campus.

As others have said, she should try to be aware of her surroundings when out and try not to get too drunk. Watch out for spiking. She should socialise with people she trusts who will have her back. She’ll need some exposure as second year students tend to live in the less salubrious parts of the City as it’s cheap.