AIBU To be excessively worried about DD’s safety as she leaves for university?

[MimiGC]

My DD has grown up in a small, very safe town. She’s a sensible girl, but never really had to be overly concerned for her safety on the streets before - public transport isn’t great here, so we’ve often given her lifts late at night. She’s now about to go to a big city (Birmingham) and I’m so worried for her. Obviously what you see in the media is always the worst of a place and I know I need to get things in perspective a bit more. I am thinking of getting her a personal alarm, for when she she’s walking home in the dark. AIBU?
If your DD has been to university in Birmingham, can you put my mind at rest?

I was going to say yabu until I read Birmingham. It is an absolute shit hole why did she choose that uni of all places? Did you look around the city before deciding? My dd, 14 gets the bus to school and is made to go on trains, buses to other places ect so she is a bit street wise and knows how to get to places. You should have been preparing her for the real world a bit more. Get her a rape alarm for the evening, maybe a small can of hairspray she can spray at someone worst case and the usual advise not to wander around alone, watch her drinks ect.

My neighbours child went to Birmingham. We’re from a quiet place like you. They describe it as “Gritty”. They didn’t have any issues as far as I know but they’re a 6’6 rugby player…but what I’d be doing is making sure she has plenty of money so she can get a taxi so isn’t walking the streets in the first place.

I’m sure she will be fine OP, but I’d be worried sick too!

Except millions of people seem to manage to go out in the dark in Birmingham without issue.

I grew up in the arse end of nowhere and went to the University if Birmingham. It was a long time ago but no woman left behind, that was our motto on a night out. There was a lot of sleeping on each others floors. If anything with mobile phones these days it’s better. It’s just not accepting drinks and never putting it down, some put their hands over their drinks if chatting and straight out of a bottle and hold your thumb over it is probably the safest.

My brother went to University in Birmingham but quite a few years ago. He was actually mugged there when on his way to buy drinks - he was living out in Selly Oak at the time in a shared student house. However, he loved it there and still meets up with his University friends every year. He did have a great time.

I was in Birmingham on Saturday and it was fine but there is, like everywhere, a much larger and visible homeless population and although we were there early there was a lot of aggro going on in the City Centre. My eldest also did her undergraduate degree there but chose to commute in everyday. She did consider the mixed student halls in the centre and when we went to visit, they were in a safe area and seemed absolutely fine. Bourneville is lovely btw, very posh! So I think it's like any big UK city really - just be sensible. The shops in the centre are great and there is a lot of culture there.

The voice of reason! My daughter has just finished her 3 year degree with no problems whatsoever…just be sensible, that is all,

Exactly. I did my degree in Nottingham when it was still known as Shottingham! Never had a single issue being out after dark or alone and always felt perfectly safe.

I know MN is prone to the dramatics but some of these responses are truly bonkers.

I grew up in a small safe rural town of 7,000. I went to university in London with no halls accommodation. I was absolutely fine. I had a rape alarm I never needed. I was in and out of the centre of London all the time when it was a lot scuzzier than it is now. When Kings Cross was a red light district and druggy area. When Soho was full of brothels and rent boys hung out at Piccadilly Circus. The world is a lot safer now than it was then.

I lived in Birmingham later on, and that was fine too.

You are letting your child out into the world, so it’s natural to worry about her, but she will be fine. And so will you be.

Why not put your own mind at rest? Book a city centre hotel for a Friday night. Go out and about. Notice how the city centre after dark is like the middle of the day, with people of all ages milling about, family meals out, older people on theatre trips. Notice how the bars have security outside. Check out the high police presence. Note how many licenced taxis there are.
Pay attention to the most well lit routes from a to b, so your DD can plan her travel.
Then remind her of the safety precautions women need to take everywhere.
Its been my local city all my life and as long as you avoid the notorious ares (the unis give advice on this) there's no more need for fear than anywhere else. Less so possibly than in a smaller less well policed location.

I voted unreasonable because the OP herself said she's "excessively" worried, which by definition is much too worried indeed.

Also, asking if I she's "unreasonable" to get her daughter a personal safety alarm is ridiculous - if she's excessively anxious it's surely a no brainer to make a small purchase to alleviate those fears.

Yes, Universities absolutely do want their students to be as safe as possible. The OfS now have mandatory training all Universities have to deliver to all new students within their Induction/Welcome/Freshers week. It focuses on student safety and sexual misconduct and how students can look after themselves and report any issues.

My daughter has been at UofB for 2 years and absolutely loves the city. She will use an Uber if going out late, these are cheap and plentiful and arrive quickly apparently! There is a lot of safety advice from the Uni during freshers week including giving out alarms etc but I also drilled into my daughter the dangers of spiking etc
She has lived in Selly Oak where most students seem to live, yes it’s not the nicest but there’s loads of student digs so always someone to walk with / share an uber and they socialise in Selly itself so don’t always go into the city.
My Dd has absolutely thrived in a Birmingham and came from a relatively small safe city, I wish your DD the same amazing experience.

Don't know about Birmingham but my uni going DD travels alone through London with no issues. So do I.

But in winter it gets dark at 4:30pm!

The majority of women- DDs friends included- have been attacked by men they know.
Though I would definitely have a word about spiking.

Get her a personal alarm but honestly I would not be worried at all. I am from Birmingham and feel fine walking alone day and night. I have female family members around your daughter’s age and none of the family are ever concerned with them being out after dark.

Of course I was raised in a city, in a very socially deprived part so can spot potential threats (like mentally ill people or junkies) a mile away so keep my distance.

There are areas of Birmingham that I would feel less safe at night but I would have zero idea why your daughter would ever find herself in those parts!

My mom felt the same when I went to a different city to study so I think it’s a general media thing but certain parts of social media has a bitterness about Birmingham so make it into this big scary place when it’s far from that.

That is such a good idea, I love this. My daughter is not old enough for uni yet but I love this idea.

What a bloody depressing thread and what small, frightened lives some of the people on it must lead.

I swear it's the parents who hold these kids back.

TBH I grew up in a big city and because there are people around you all the time, all night buses, and plenty of street lights (and usually police presence even if you don't see it), I always felt safe. Now that I live in a smaller town where the streets are often deserted at night and there are lots of little unlit lanes, I don't feel sage going out alone at night at all! Perception is everything! Just tell her to stay with her mates and all will be well.

And come to think of it, almost all the people who did experience assault / attack in Birmingham either a) was assaulted by somebody they knew or b) had chosen to live a specific lifestyle where violence is part and parcel of it

I grew up in London myself, so am hardly from the back of beyond !

Ironic how true this is! I feel more comfortable in places like Birmingham or London that I do in quiet deserted towns or villages.

Would you be terrified if she went to study in London?

What is the connection to the military?

I am sure the injections thing was said to be a hoax.