AIBU to feel fed up with my husband on holiday?

[Itsa10fromLen]

My god I need to vent! On holiday, OH just cannot come around in the mornings. I know it’s supposed to be a holiday for everyone but how much sleep does one person need? Technically the kids aren’t up so he doesn’t need to be but it’s hard to find a man attractive that needs 10 hours sleep every night and that sets an alarm to sleep through! He also would be upset to miss breakfast (I wouldn’t) so I’m making sure he’s up (I know I should leave him but I can’t stand the grumbling if I didn’t)

And if he tells me he’s sweating and red hot one more time so help me god! Constantly telling us what food he’s had like we can’t see.

I don’t like him, being this close has made that more obvious 😭

If he asks me if I’m having a nice time is it cruel to say no?

This would absolutely do my head in too.

If he wants breakfast, he’s responsible for getting himself up. Make clear you (and dc?) will be going down at x time and going to the pool whatever after.
If he is sweating or hot, he can move himself to shade or buy a fan.
If he eats all his dinner up and knows all the different dishes, he doesn’t get a medal or praise because he’s not a child.

Sympathy. Just come home from holiday quietly knowing it’s the last family holiday we will do. My kids are adults so not so sad really but just spent the whole week noticing how much husband got on my nerves. He’s talking about where we will go next year but the thought of spending thousands of pounds just to feel completely “meh” the whole week is making me want to burn the passports!

I think the issues in your post are small in comparision to the real issues that must be going on at home. Most people would just find the behaviour a bit annoying. You said you dont like him? Is it time for you to confront this once you get home as you sound very unhappy. And just to add the behaviour is off putting by him, zi just sense there is more to this.

Just leave him asleep and go for a quiet breakfast. Shut the grumbling down. Plan a solo activity. You might enjoy the rest of the day more if you get some peace.

Well you’re not his mother so shouldn’t be expected to wake him up for breakfast, it’s his responsibility. I’d just go and do my own thing.

Nope, but I don't understand why you're making it your problem OP?

If he sleeps through breakfast, that's on him.

If he's 'red hot', again, that's a him problem to solve, not a problem for you.

Have you tried talking about something else when he keeps repeating the same crap, again & again?
Have you said to him 'Look, I'm fed up listening to you tell me what you've just eaten when I know already?' or 'Stop telling me you're hot, we're ALL bloody hot ffs!'

Unless you tell him he's repetitive and boring, he'll continue to think you're interested in what he's saying?

If it's gone on too long, and you've just got the 'ick' about anything he says, then you need to decide if you want to spend the next 20yrs listening to the same, or if you want out?

Why would he miss breakfast if the children aren’t even awake yet?
Honestly it would annoy me if my spouse was like you and arbitrarily waking me on holiday.
Whats wrong with more than 10 hours sleep on a holiday for god sake?

He sounds like a manchild.
So unattractive.
Stop waking him for breakfast.
Tell him you are taking a day away from him as his whining is ruining your holiday.

I would just get up and do my own thing.

Your realisation that you don’t like him is potentially the big factor here. What do you plan to do about that?

I think it’s lazy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Leave him and go for breakfast on your own and other solo trips too.
Don't listen to the grumbling.

He’s on holiday …

I don't think it's unreasonable to be lazy on holiday tbh, I'm with Marroon, it's his holiday too and it's not really up to you to just judge that it's lazy/not how you want things to be? He has every other week of the year to get up early. He does have to take responsibility for missing breakfast though and not grumble to you.

As you say though you just don't like him, so I think you've got a much bigger issue to address.

That’s a you problem.
It’s a holiday, perhaps you would enjoy yourself more if you lightened up rather than forcing your routine on others.
He’s asleep in the morning when the children are also still asleep, the horror, not sleeping until 2pm.

I wouldn't lie if asked point blank if I were having a nice time; what's the point? I'd take the opportunity to ask him to stop doing some of the things that are particularly irritating you. (Why is he grumping at you because he didn't get up for breakfast, for example? That's ridiculous.) Either that or tune him out completely.

FFS if you can't be lazy when you are on holiday then when can you be?

You sound incompatible. There’s nothing like a holiday for showing that up.

You don’t like him. That’s the important bit. Work out what all your options are, and pick the one that works best for you.

I’m not entirely sure that the man is doing anything that wrong. A lot of people sleep extensively on holiday, remark constantly on the heat and talk about the food. It’s kind of normal behaviour IME!
However, he is doing your nut - and that needs addressing. There’s nothing wrong with some time apart on holiday. Depending on the ages of the kids, you could divide and conquer to get some space from each other. Or both have a solo day to get some headspace.

Not liking him is the main issue, but I have never understood why couples have to do everything together on holiday.

Why are you on holiday with a man you don't like? More importantly, why are you married to a man you don't like?

I would be very irritated if my holiday lie ins were being monitored and deemed "lazy".

Tell him you are going for breakfast at 9 or whatever. If he moans about missing breakfast just tell him to give it a rest, if he wants breakfast with you he needs to get up in time.

Isn’t being lazy part of being on holiday ? I am
just heading home from 2 lazy weeks - I’m back at work Monday, and need to be up every morning for that, so holiday lie-in’s are great.

Luckily DH is on the same page

In a jokey way, think gavin and Stacey, I always tell my husband he’s boring me if he starts to repeat himself about something totally boring. You don’t sound like you want to joke though so you really need to do something about it. Life is too short to be lumbered with someone you tolerate. I adore my dh and the best part of my day, any day, is being with him. You need that.

Well you admit you don't like him. Therefore everything he says and does is irritating you. Not entirely the guys fault here that you dislike him. Does he know this?

Do some things on your own? Why do you have to get up together and do everything together anyway? Especially if you don't even like him.

That way you will stop stressing and focusing on all the negatives about him and maybe even enjoy yourself a bit.

Once home I think you need to be honest with him in how you feel about him as he must feel he can't do anything right by you.

Then you can make the decision to split, which surely must be your only option, if you dislike the man you are married to.