AIBU to feel fed up with my husband on holiday?

[Itsa10fromLen]

My god I need to vent! On holiday, OH just cannot come around in the mornings. I know it’s supposed to be a holiday for everyone but how much sleep does one person need? Technically the kids aren’t up so he doesn’t need to be but it’s hard to find a man attractive that needs 10 hours sleep every night and that sets an alarm to sleep through! He also would be upset to miss breakfast (I wouldn’t) so I’m making sure he’s up (I know I should leave him but I can’t stand the grumbling if I didn’t)

And if he tells me he’s sweating and red hot one more time so help me god! Constantly telling us what food he’s had like we can’t see.

I don’t like him, being this close has made that more obvious 😭

If he asks me if I’m having a nice time is it cruel to say no?

I don’t know why my reply quoted the ‘ick’ post, I’ve not asked it to! Another MN quirk ….

I'm sure it isn't your fault. It sounds like you work very hard. You must have loved him once, and now you are obviously at the end of your tether.

I don't really have any advice other than let him miss breakfast, its his own fault and own problem to sort out.

I do want to add though that although many don't like your replies, I've just sat here having a little giggle reading them all. I appreciate your bluntness and humour OP 😅 leave him to rot in bed and enjoy your holiday!

OP, you have done all you can.
Time to put yourself first now and end this marriage.
He is bleeding you dry.
It's ok to be done.

Oh he's not fat anymore? Now he's obese?

The thing is, you keep saying that you want to rant and dismiss the sensible advice to end the relationship. At the same time, you accuse your husband of complaining without wanting to make changes. You do see why it would come across a tad hypocritical, don't you?
People who advise you to leave do not literally mean leaving your house. They mean leaving the relationship. You can ask him to leave. Why don't you?

Mmm…tell me you’ve never been the victim of a completely unreasonable person without telling me you’ve never been the victim of an unreasonable person. I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t think I’ve dismissed the advice to end the relationship to be honest. And it’s not hypocritical for me to be fed up of hearing him say he wants to get up earlier and then him failing to get up earlier, on repeat, is it? It’s like having a friend that says they want to lose weight and then overeats every time you see them. Surely you don’t have to be okay with hearing it forever? Surely at some point you’re allowed to be annoyed?!? That doesn’t mean you weren’t once optimistic and supportive! I have scheduled the GP appts for him, I have done the ‘do you think you should maybe get some sleep now, you know you’ll struggle to wake up and then you’ll be filled with self loathing?’ Gentle talks for years. How long do I have to be nice? I don’t want to be nice anymore. Snd I have asked him to leave many times. But I don’t think I should have to explain the absolute ins and outs of my relationship to be granted a little rant anonymously tbh.

I mean, isn’t that a bit pedantic? Yes he’s fat. Yes he’s morbidly obese. What difference does it make honestly? Do you not believe in the concept of being overweight or something? Or should we pretend it doesn’t exist? I don’t understand really why it matters. It’s just a matter of just how fat a person is. I never said I dislike fat / obese / morbidly obese people but the words seem to offend you and I genuinely don’t know why.

Haha thanks. The same people that don’t like me would be laughing along in person, I’m not offended. I’ve enjoyed some of the arguing, I was feeling a bit passive aggressive from holding it all in for the sake of my children. Shhhh don’t tell those that wanted to hurt my feelings that they actually helped me 😂

Thank you. I have, I could die right now and I would be at peace with what I have done for almost everyone in my life, including him.

I have nurtured him. I know people on here don’t know that but I am surprised that so many women cannot ever read a post and think ‘she sounds like a bitch but I bet she’s had some stuff to put up with…’ don’t we all know so many women in our lives that are treated unfairly by men? I have just told my children to use their inference skills and I have realised that is obviously lacking in lots of people. I have seen him through unemployment, illness, I watched him burn through an inheritance, I have put a roof over his head, he didn’t want to drive when I met him and I encouraged him and told him how much freedom it would afford him, I have helped him exercise by buying equipment, I have watched our children solo whilst he has exercised straight after work because it’s the only time he can motivate himself despite me getting up at 5am to workout and working full time and keeping on top of housework. I have helped him locate a family member that he was lied to about. I have single handedly got a diagnosis for our child and an EHCP and I tell you that took some doing! I was the breadwinner for 10 years! He has done nothing for me. He used excuses for years ‘I will be better when I get this health issue sorted.’ ‘I am going to start going to bed earlier.’ Blah blah blah and I was a fool and believed it because narcissists are good at lying and playing the victim. Yes I should have known better, yes I should have gotten rid of him many years ago. No I should not have had children with him. However, until you have known a man like him I do not think you can say that you could get rid.

I get what you mean OP. I dont want to get up at 5am on holiday but I also dont want to stay in bed until nearly lunch time.

For me, holidays whilst our children were small were about family time. Something we dont get to.do as much at home. This meant getting up together, having meals together and being a team. I would have also been annoyed to solo parent whilst DH stayed in bed. Not because I couldn't but because that is not what we agreed to do on holidays. Im not sure how many people wpuld actually be OK with their OH staying in bed until late on holiday every day whilst looking after the kids themselves. Not really a "family" thing to do.

Maybe try a cruise where he can have cheesecake for breakfast, maybe he will get up then but in all seriousness if he isn't willing to compromise on what time to get up, I dont even have any advise other than you have my sympathies.

Aww thank you! Yes I think that some of the people in here saying 10+ hours of sleep whilst on holiday are likely to be fibbing. No one else I know with children does that for 12 nights 😂 I am not being extreme as some have suggested. The thing is I’m not really this kind of (all inclusive) holiday person to be honest. I don’t drink or eat much and I would be happy self catering somewhere but I get up, slap on a smile because this is what suits everyone else, I’m jolly and easy going (like I was trained to be as a child) and which is why people like being around me because I make everything easier for everyone and always have. Sun tan lotion? Got it, water? got it, 4 heavy towels and a snack? Got it. I will drag the sun loungers, I will walk to the shop for medicine when people don’t feel well, the list is endless. And I don’t even really mind most of the time, I don’t have to do it, I could say no but I choose to do it but my god I refuse to be jolly when someone tells me they’re sweating for the 100th time because they’ve eaten 3 kebabs and come to a roasting hot country that they chose! So people will have to forgive me having a rant I’m afraid, it’s that or ruin things for the kids which I absolutely refuse to do.

He wouldn’t like a cruise. We’ve been in the sea today and he’s currently moaning that he still feels like he’s bobbing up and down 😂 I’ve showered both kids while he lays on the bed. My aim is to be rid of him by the next holiday.

Id wake him up tomorrow, hand him the sun cream for the kids and tell him you'll meet him at breakfast. Get a table you like and bring your book while you wait!

He actually offered to do their sun tan lotion earlier, can you imagine a man so detached from what is actually happening that he asked if I wanted him to put lotion on 1 child 😂 once in 10 days hahahaha. Honestly I wouldn’t even trust him with them. He got burnt on the 1st day because he couldn’t reach his own back and for some reason he didn’t ask me (I was likely playing with the kids in the pool even though I hate being cold in water) we went in the sea earlier and I turned around and he was 100 yds away with no concern for his children whatsoever. Just me and two kids, one of whom can’t swim. He’s so self conscious of his body that he needed to be deep (he doesn’t say this but I know it to be true) so I am left to ensure their safety. Of course he sees no problem with this at all despite one of our children being disabled and therefore very vulnerable (wearing a life jacket) but you know I called him fat and lazy so I must be a complete cow that he’s trying to avoid by staying in bed.

He’s lucky to even breathe the same air as me and I don’t care how conceited I sound 🤷🏻‍♀️ I have realised whilst I’m here that my dream of him meeting someone else and leaving me for them will not happen. No way he’s letting go of someone that puts up with his crap like I do.

Hmmmm a cruise might be just the ticket. A nice cabin with a balcony and low rail and a dizzy, fat husband... splash...

Hahahahaha

Yeah he’s not going anywhere.

AI isn't my cup of tea either but weve been on a couple when the kids were little as a compromise.

The emotional toll thinking of everything for everyone is hard. I crack sometimes when its happened but to be fair to DH, he does then pull his weight and some. To have a OH who knows you are doing it all and still complaining, that would give me the ick. Its just useless or worse - weaponised incompetence!

The cruise was a joke though as its the only time I have seen Krispy Kreme doughnuts available for breakfast!

He sounds delightful and I dont blame you for not wanting him on the next holiday.

I hope the rest of it goes better 💐

When someone tells me their OH does their fair share I am genuinely happy for them. I think it’s the moaning that I can’t handle. I can do it all and with a smile on my face but god damn be a bit bloody grateful!

@Itsa10fromLen OK so you need a plan other than waiting for him to find someone else- the narcissism and selfishness of the guy aside let's just say that he won't attract someone in the first place being obese and ugly and no mitigating personality factors to make up for it.

Maybe try to get him to play beach volley or other high intensity sport outside in the sun...