Aibu to be hurt?

[notpartofthefamily]

Dp and I have been together 7 years, we have 1 DS together and dp has dss who also lives with us.

A couple months ago fil mentioned doing a big family holiday, dp said sounds good let us know details. I get on great with ils so i was also fine with it. Dps brother got in touch to arrange booking. It seems I’m not invited. It’s fil, mil, dp sil (dh sister) and bil (dh brother) plus dss and DS. Dp asked why and apparently bil was awkward and said something about mil and fil wanting it to be just family!!
Dp has said he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to fil about it. It seems he’s going and taking ds, dss.

Im so upset, it’s never occurred to me im not family. I spend lots of time with fil and mil , attend family events etc. I’ve been in their lives 7 years!
Dp thinks I need to let it go but aibu to be upset?

Omg no yanbu!!!!!

I wouldn’t be hurt I’d be fucking livid.

Does his sister and brother not have partners then?

If I was in your DH’s position, I wouldn’t be going.

Hell no. I’d be beyond furious.

Dp thinks I need to let it go

He fucking what?! He’s not going it if? Utter madness.

No YANBU, not at all! I would be hurt too. You have been with your DP 7 years and your the Mum of their grandchild, of course you are family! I think your DP needs to be growing a pair and speaking up. Also might be worth you having a quiet word with them? Ask them why they don't see you as family and explain how hurt you are

Sometimes I think mn can not shock me anymore (just read a post about a guy paying for a cup full of piss) then it does.

Pil would have fuck all to do with my kid again. Fuck em. You piece of shit spineless husband can fuck off too.

This would be an excellent opportunity for a supportive, loving partner who is committed to you and your family to say to his parents "my whole family comes or none of us do". You have a son together, you are a family. He needs to get into this with his family and find out WTF is going on.

Sorry, DS won't be ok without me!

Your husband is being a right shithouse here.
YANBU.

No not yet they are in their twenties but are not settled down.

You can't control the attitude of his family but I would be pretty pissed off if the IL''s thought my child was family but I wasn't and my partner thought that was just fine. I would fully expect my partner to say thank you for the invitation but it won't be just family if all of my family isn't there so I won't be joining you.

I guess I feel like it’s dps place too not mine.

This is my feelings too. We are a family unit surely it should be all of us or none of us.

Do your Pils actually like you? How can they not have thought this would really upset you.
I would be hurt too, and angry and have to reassess my whole relationship with them.

That's weird, and yes, I'd be hurt. One thing (still a bit odd, imo, but less so) if they wanted just the parents and adult children, but to include your own child and step-child but not you seems personal. Your partner should have told them that either you all go or none of you do, but tbh, even if they change their plans and invite you along, you can't ever 'un-know' that they were happy to exclude you. That does lasting damage.

Is it because you are not married? Are they religious or very old-fashioned in their views about what constitutes family?
It's still not an excuse I was just trying to think of a reason .

Dp has said he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to fil about it. It seems he’s going and taking ds, dss.

What a wanker! 😲

Not even my selfish arsehole of an ex would have done that.

He would be fine with dp tbf

Absolutely not. DH needs to advocate that his family includes you as a non negotiable, and the GCs come as a package deal with you. I can’t imagine any scenario where this is an acceptable idea

DP can go, he’s an adult and you can’t stop him, but I would draw the line at DS going without me.

Assuming it’s abroad, DP can’t take your child without your permission.

Well my DS wouldn’t be going without me.

Perhaps at Christmas, which I assume you cook and cater for not your DP, just invite your family not his, as you want it just to be family. Twats.

We get on fine they are lovely. That’s what so upsetting

That maybe it then, but as no one else has partners I find this incredibly rude of them, I’d also be upset