I hate being called lovely

[amapoftheisland]

I don’t mean ‘oh, yes, you know Jane, works i finance, really helpful, lovely woman.’ That’s fine.

I mean being called lovely just that, ‘oh sorry lovely I didn’t realise you messaged’

it’s so insincere

I get it. My friend often uses 'darling' in (I feel) a patronising way. So, for instance if I message asking a question like 'are you going to the village fete?', she would reply 'We're away, darling.'

I don't think for a minute that she means any harm by it. I actually think she thinks she's being nice.

These terms tend to be regional but honestly isn’t it better to get het up about real problems

My dear, hen, love, sir, madam, duck, sweetheart, miss. All phrases people once had no problem with and now get moaned at. Even using someone's name can get complaints-"you didn't pronounce it right"-"it sounds like you're an old fashioned sales man when you keep repeating my name!"

I don't mind it in real life but I hate it on Mumsnet.

The other day there was a thread that was full of "Oh my love", "Listen to me sweetheart" and a "Hunny" thrown in for good measure.

I can't imagine why these people can't see how fake and patronising they sound.

It used to irritate me but somehow now it just seems nice. Unless inauthentic of course.

I love it ....... from certain people 😚

Maybe you need some real issues to get het up over.

It's a term of endearment and in many regions a normal way to address people. Don't ever go up north. Normal there. Or to the Midlands where I grew up. Normal there too.

Also not unknown here in Essex, where I have lived for the last 30 years.

Do you hate all terms of endearment or just this one?

What’s the issue?

Common in Bristol, better than duck where I used to live

Oh do bog off @Topseyt123 I am emailing some nurses about a SR1 form as we speak (google it ) Just didn’t explain ‘I asked a friend a favour because we’re going through hell and she called me lovely and it annoyed me so I started a thread.’

@TizzymyLove yes I am similar and almost identical sort of context.

Ta duck was very common where I grew up. Just a way of saying thank you. I used to say it to my DH (an Essex boy, born and bred) and I still do to my Essex DDs. 🤣

I dislike lovely, but hard pushed to explain why. It just always feels insincere. Don’t actually mind duck, it’s almost akin to your name round here.

When I knew some Scotsmen quite well ‘wee cunt’ was almost a term of endearment 😂

No, I won't bog off. Blimey, someone has rattled your cage. I'll continue responding to the thread, as I already have.

Got called ‘sweetie’ last week in a shop.The guy was young enough to be my grandson !

I think its just a part of some people's sports speech. A way of being warm without using your name. I don't really mind it tbh. I barely notice, I've certainly been called worse.

I like it and i say it all the time

I hate it from some people but don’t mind it from others, I think it’s the tone used.

I’ve a friend who says it like it’s a natural term of endearment and another who says it in a simpering way that just comes across as so false.

I find it most annoying when people use “hun” and “hunni” (in person and online) but I’m so narky these days that it doesn’t take much to irritate me!

Same.

Sure but why not respond with ‘I don’t have a problem with lovely, I think you’re overreacting ‘ rather than the deeply unpleasant post you actually wrote? Of course you couldn’t have known there is far worse happening than lovely and I’m not bothered about that, but that’s the point, you can’t know what’s happening in someone’s life.

Yes it’s very simpering from some people. Hun and lovely both make me cringe a bit.

Blimey, that’s a blistering reaction. No idea what the form you mention is for but it sounds to me like that ‘Lovely’ was meant to stand in for a pat on the hand, even a brief hug. Conveying empathy.
Like one might use ‘Sweetheart’ to a tearful younger woman (if a woman oneself, of course) on a station platform. ‘Don’t distress yourself, sweetheart’.
But if taking offence is your SOP, then stay unbending!

Isn't that better then when someone calls you mam as that makes me feel 100

I dislike any endearment from someone I don't know - it's patronising, over-familiar and often sexist. But, I agree, "lovely" is particularly irritating - all my friends know that I'm most definitely not lovely 😂

Google it

I don’t mind being called Mum as in context I usually AM mum; like if I’m at an appointment for a child my own identity is almost immaterial. I know some dislike it though.