I hate being called lovely

[amapoftheisland]

I don’t mean ‘oh, yes, you know Jane, works i finance, really helpful, lovely woman.’ That’s fine.

I mean being called lovely just that, ‘oh sorry lovely I didn’t realise you messaged’

it’s so insincere

I don't like it either especially when it's said by a health care professional. Funnily enough they did use my name until I reached 60, now it's "lovely" sweetheart "and "dear". Gets right on my nerves.

It depends on context.

A person in my bank a few weeks ago kept calling me "dear". I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have if I was 20/30/40.

A GP at my practice has called me dear in the past. She balked when I called her luvvy back and iterated that her name is Dr Condescent.

If I'm in Leek or Leeds, I've no problem with Duck or Love. If I buy something from the market in my local town, "darlin, luv, gel" all fine.

I really like it, it’s so warm! Also love duck, pet, love. Not keen on darling or sweetheart though, they feel either sickly or patronising depending on the tone.

I like it - It's friendly!

Now, "hubby" makes me heave!

If it fits with the person it's fine, but I think some people use them as an affectation in a way that is (almost) deliberately patronising and demeaning.

I don't mind it in real life - I'm from Glasgow, so everybody is hen / pet / love - but also in context. I wouldn't take it very kindly from a doctor or my bank manager.

It really makes me grind my teeth when I see it in written communication, though, especially on anonymous fora such as MN. As the OP rightly points out, it seems deeply insincere.

When I was a nurse in my 20s a fair few nurses used to use it - I always thought it a bit patronising but as I’ve got older(64) I can live with it

I also dislike it. I’m 57, I had a male server in his early 30s call me lovely at the weekend, for some reason It got my hackles up.

the other thing I absolutely abhor is young lady. It’s always men older than me who do it. It’s just so utterly rude. They may as well say Christ you’re old.

It’s not an expression used here in NI, but my SIL is from Lancashire and calls me lovely and I think it’s - well - lovely😆 We tend to call each other love, sweetheart and pet here. I don’t tend to say any of these to adults, but I use all of them for children. I don’t mind people, male or female, addressing me with these words. Obviously there can sometimes be a deliberate negative undertone, especially from men, but mostly I find people are well meaning.

Well, make that clear. Reply ‘Here you go, fluffpot’ or “No problem, my adorable darling’, and when they say ‘What?’, say ‘Oh, I thought we must be on those terms, Dave/Angela. Maybe let’s just use names.’

Or be so unlovely it wouldn’t occur to anyone.

I hate it too. I have some friends that do it in texts, and of course they add an ‘x’ at the end of every flipping one. 🤢

Don't start me on "Miss". I don't think anyone called me miss until my late 50s. Always youngish men.

This! :-)

I am not keen on it myself but I'm not going to get annoyed because I am equally bad. I call women 'love' or 'queen' and men 'fella' or 'sir'. TBH, I do it automatically. I was born and grew up in a city noted for its friendliness and I expect that's why.

Better than being called "cunt" I guess

Well its better than cock which is common in my towm.

Op im sorry I know what an SR1 is . I’m sorry for what you are going through.

Don’t actually mind duck, it’s almost akin to your name round here.
Is that Northampton "me Duck"'?

When I knew some Scotsmen quite well ‘wee cunt’ was almost a term of endearment 😂
It's amazing to me as a Midlander just how menacing "Pal" can sound from a Glaswegian.

I don’t have a problem with it, but if it annoys you it annoys you.

If it’s someone you regularly speak to then I guess you can ask them to stop, but if it’s a passing comment by someone like a nurse I’d just suck it up.

I don’t like lovely either, on MN.

Same with goodness! My goodness. Oh goodness. It’s a bit like golly gosh! So twee, Enid Blyton.

But then others say hey man, guys, mate, listen dude etc… Suppose we all have our own annoying go-to words!

Lol, you remind me that my ex wife took to calling everyone darling with a fake Irish lilt, as if she was a Kerry colleen... I used to have to bite my tongue

Oh God yeah

'Dude' makes me instantly think of Kevin from Motherland!

I love terms of endearment except when they're said in a patronising or bitchy kind of manner. It would only bother me if was some kind of creepy bloke who doesn't take no for an answer

I used to hear that regularly when I was growing up (Midlands). I never used it myself, but it always made me want to laugh.

I get it. I used to have a boss, who called everyone, “flower,” in the same vein. It used to grate on me. I used to have a habit of saying, “thank you, you’re a star,” when someone had done me a favour until I found out it really wound one colleague up. Stopped doing it then.

Once worked somewhere where part of a misconduct investigation involved the fact a colleague used the word, “love.” I thought the person complaining about it was being absurd and made me see her in a different, negative light from then on. The colleague was from Wales and I spent a lot of my childhood there; terms like, “bach,” and “love,” were used all the time. Like @Balloonhearts mentioned I think it can just be part of someone’s everyday speech and there is definitely a regional aspect.