AIBU to install cameras because I suspect my husband is hiding affair?

[Lovingmynewlifestyle]

I need a little help. I have a strong suspicion that my husband is having / starting an affair. He has recently had two meetings (meals out - he paid) that I know of with a married friend, they knew each other before I met him. They talk frequently via text and I think a second Facebook account (that I don’t have access to). He has never told me about this I discovered a message by accident and have since found proof. I think he is now hiding how he communicates via hidden apps in his iPhone, he is very tech aware, and this these hidden apps are protected by touch ID that I don’t know how to get around.

The thing is I am going away tomorrow to visit family 150 miles away. I think this OW is coming around to my house to listen to music. I can’t prove 100%.

Am I unreasonable to get internal cameras? I can organise this tonight if I order now via prime. But I don’t know what to order, any suggestions?? It has to be easy to install. I am not tech savvy.

I have met this person, and we are due out as a group soon. Not leaving my husband so don’t suggest. Need to confront with evidence.

Return early from your visit?

So if you don't intend to leave him what do you intend to do if you do have your suspicions of an affair confirmed?

I mean you could also talk to him?

You sound a bit crazy tbh. Why don’t you just ask him up front?

The relationship is over at this point anyway. If you think he’ll make things difficult for you, get the proof.

Do men planning/having affairs tend to tell the truth when asked?

I wouldn’t do it, if it gets to the point you suspect an affair and are considering installing cameras the relationship is dead anyway, but I can understand why some people would want irrefutable proof.

If you are not leaving him, why does it matter?

We talk a lot. I want him to connect to friends. No issue with this even female ones. Just tell me about it before hand. I have asked very open questions, eg what are you doing whilst I am away? I hope you are doing something fun. Just doing chores is his response. But I already know he is meeting up. Any suggestions on cameras?

I saw a message accidentally and I had to dig around to find evidence. Had I just asked, oh I saw this receipt for a meal he would have said I met a x friend. Literally I was away and phoned him on the day and he said nothing.

Yeah you can get a ring camera and install it tonight. But surely if he finds it and he’s innocent you’re pretty fucked. And if he is up to no good, do you genuinely want to see that?? You say he’s tech savvy, and you’re not so I get the feeling you couldn’t pull it off.

If you’re sure she’s coming round, I would come back.

Because obvs he will deny it and if OP has nothing but suspicions what has she got to gainsay that? Evidence is king so he can’t lie his way out of it!!

If it comes to the point when you are hiding cameras in the house, your relationship is pretty much over

If I found out my partner installed cameras to spy on me the relationship would be over. Red line.

The relationship is dead anyway if you feel the need to do this.

OP: Are you shagging Sarah?

OP’s DH: No, of course not, how could you say such a thing? Are you crazy?

Now what?

put YANBU as I understand the anguish and need to know. But PPs are right that trust is gone so it’s really over

Would you like to see your husband having sex with another women? That could easily happen. I suspect the answer is no.

Tell him you are suspicious and ask him to open his phone for you. If he refuses, he is having an affair. If he isn't you can wholeheartedly apologise.

I think if you need to then you should.

If he is cheating then what will you do? You say you have no intention of leaving him so it'll be pretty miserable. Will you be pretending to him that you will leave? What if he leaves when found out? Oh well she's found out, let's take off together.
Will you be able to cope?

I'm not saying don't try to find out, just that you need to consider all possibilities and what you will do.

No don’t install cameras - that would likely end your marriage because no matter what he’s up to , he will walk out with that

someone coming to listen to music and you want to film it to prove that she came to listen to music. ? Nuts

ig you think it’s an affair why will confronting him with evidence change anything ? You have ruled out leaving him so you have no cards

Any baby monitors in the house?

To be clear the camera is for the front door only!!! not to catch him in the act!!!!
i.e. like a ring door bell. No I don’t want to watch him having sex!

No - we are in our 60’s. I really think this is saying goodbye. It is the lack of telling me in advance.

So you just want to see if she comes to the door?
Which won't happen if you install a ring doorbell or similar. They are highly visible.

I have just ordered cameras that have SD cards. I can install to an upstairs window, in an empty room. Arriving tomorrow morning, the benefits of London. I will install. I already have CCTV front and back to the garden, I just have blind spots.

Do you expect him to be truthful?

🙄

😂