AIBU to install cameras because I suspect my husband is hiding affair?

[Lovingmynewlifestyle]

I need a little help. I have a strong suspicion that my husband is having / starting an affair. He has recently had two meetings (meals out - he paid) that I know of with a married friend, they knew each other before I met him. They talk frequently via text and I think a second Facebook account (that I don’t have access to). He has never told me about this I discovered a message by accident and have since found proof. I think he is now hiding how he communicates via hidden apps in his iPhone, he is very tech aware, and this these hidden apps are protected by touch ID that I don’t know how to get around.

The thing is I am going away tomorrow to visit family 150 miles away. I think this OW is coming around to my house to listen to music. I can’t prove 100%.

Am I unreasonable to get internal cameras? I can organise this tonight if I order now via prime. But I don’t know what to order, any suggestions?? It has to be easy to install. I am not tech savvy.

I have met this person, and we are due out as a group soon. Not leaving my husband so don’t suggest. Need to confront with evidence.

I could leave. I would be well off financially. But I don’t want to, I love and like my husband. We really do have a great life. Just the last couple of months have knocked me. If he had said in June, I am meeting XX I would have said have fun. The fact he has kept is secret is made me take a step back. Very shocked and surprised, after all the international travel we have done with jobs, now he does this?

I don’t think you’re crazy at all and encourage you to catch him in the act! I do think you need to place a camera in the living room though and not the front door as they wouldn’t do anything at the front door surely?
I don’t have any recommendations though I’m afraid but just look at high rated spy cameras on Amazon.

let us know how you get on!

ps all these people telling you to ask him outright at deluded. Like he’ll admit to it?!

I would cancel the trip and return after a few hours to your home. And switch off your phone location.

give a friend a spare key and have her go pick something super duper important up for you at a very random time?

If you confront with secretly obtained evidence he might leave you, never mind you not wanting to leave him. It's a bit risky if you don't want to split up. Let him crack on with his side chick and turn a blind eye if you want to stay together anyway. Why rock the boat.

Everyone here is focused on my relationship being over. I guess what I really need I tech advice.
Apple - anyway around finger tip recognition for hidden apps?
How do I find a hidden Facebook account?

I think you should do that OP. Unfortunately cheaters don’t come clean to tell you nicely that they are cheating (most of them). Better to know sooner than better so you don’t waste your precious time. Good luck!

Meeting is a day or two later. I would just move the goal post

I can survive either way. I have enough money in my own right. I am in a lucky situation

I would need the video to make this happen at the right time. I have a rough idea of time, but he has switched to hidden apps I can’t access. This is where they are discussing times.

Save the camera money for therapy.

honestly, you are not acting like a sane person right now & I get this is your insecurity.

you shouldn’t be snooping on his phone or ordering camera’s to spy on him. You are displaying controlling behaviours and could end up in trouble if you carry on.

Your relationship is over if you can’t trust him.

Because he will deny it and convince her she's paranoid

YABU.

Do not install spy cameras to watch your husband.
Do not try to access private apps on his phone.

This is a gross invasion of privacy. You clearly don't trust him. Whether he's having an affair or not, the relationship is over.

If he finds the camera you'll be the one painted as an abuser - also what will you do if nothing shows on the camera?

Until the 19/06/2026 I trusted him completely.
30 years of trust. Then I found out he met his ex girlfriend and kept it secret. He still has not told me

it is £140. I can re-purpose to a charity I support. Money is not the issue. Trust is

If you install cameras to spy on him, you become the crazy person and he becomes the victim. Anyone under surveillance in their own home has every right to be appalled.

If you want to keep your sanity the moral high ground you would not do this.

You have absolutely no trust or respect for him, so the relationship is dead. You can cling to its corpse or you can move on.

Leave your iPad there recording

Get a baby monitor that links up to your phone and have it on audio only, or hidden behind books in your room or living room

I can understand that you want to get proof of any affair ( or prove that there isn't one). Rather than spy cameras, have you considered a private detective?

What happens if you find ‘proof’?

I guess if you are really doing it you need a nanny cam. You could look at his friends list on Facebook to see if there is a friend who could be him as a pseudonym. No way around the fingerprint unless he is asleep! All a bit bonkers.

Agreed. Lots of people don’t know how to end their relationships but then when caught cheating will have some relief that they can now go and be with the other person and have no interest in saving their marriage.

Someone I know confronted their other half and simply got a “yeah sorry, I’ve fallen in love with someone else” and fucked off into the night. You’re not guaranteed a grovelling apology, promise to never do it again, or validating declaration of love if that’s what you’re seeking, so you need to mentally prepare for that.

My advice would be if you’re not interested in splitting up with him even if you get confirmed evidence and intend to turn a blind eye then there is really no benefit to you having it. Just crack on.

We have a conversation. And I really mean a conversation. And that actually is a good question. He has often talked about this person over the years, I know that they are friends of the past. It is the now that I wanted to know about in advance. This other person is married, 30 years and has a good life. I don’t believe they want to risk this

I love my iPad! leave it behind for fours days????? not a chance 😂