AIBU to install cameras because I suspect my husband is hiding affair?

[Lovingmynewlifestyle]

I need a little help. I have a strong suspicion that my husband is having / starting an affair. He has recently had two meetings (meals out - he paid) that I know of with a married friend, they knew each other before I met him. They talk frequently via text and I think a second Facebook account (that I don’t have access to). He has never told me about this I discovered a message by accident and have since found proof. I think he is now hiding how he communicates via hidden apps in his iPhone, he is very tech aware, and this these hidden apps are protected by touch ID that I don’t know how to get around.

The thing is I am going away tomorrow to visit family 150 miles away. I think this OW is coming around to my house to listen to music. I can’t prove 100%.

Am I unreasonable to get internal cameras? I can organise this tonight if I order now via prime. But I don’t know what to order, any suggestions?? It has to be easy to install. I am not tech savvy.

I have met this person, and we are due out as a group soon. Not leaving my husband so don’t suggest. Need to confront with evidence.

Your relationship is already over if you're thinking of buying cameras

Life's too short for any of this shit.

If you’re not leaving him, what good will evidence do? What if you confront him and it doesn’t go the way you want - what if he’s relieved and leaves you for her? While I think that would be doing you a favour, if it’s not what you want…

I mean the easier way to stop her coming to your house is surely to not go away. But that’s no way to live. Better than cameras, which a) he’s entitled to not be watched by - there would be uproar if you were a man and b) can easily have ‘technical failures’ if he spots them anyway…

If I was you, I would get one of these discreet listening devices. Probably too late now though!
https://amzn.eu/d/01RJs9VY

I'm confused. Why do u think he has a secret FB account?
The info is a bit mixed too - is she an ex of his, or a married friend?

Hang on OP, you want trust, but you don't trust him now or you wouldn't be doing this, and if the cameras show that he didn't meet this other woman in your house during this particular four days, it won't prove that he's faithful to you. He'll have other opportunities to meet her, and possibly other women to cheat with. Trust is about believing the other person is sincere and open because you know them so well, not about finding no evidence that they're cheating.

I have my banking apps in a hidden folder in case my phone gets stolen. Face ID is needed to see what apps are in folder or open them. Hidden apps don’t necessarily mean anything dodgy.

Would he not notice the cameras? How would you explain it if he does? But I don't think you're crazy for wanting proof.

This is disgusting and I am sorry I read this sick thread. You have taken a serious wrong turn.

@Lovingmynewlifestyle If I ever set up cameras to catch someone doing something, it would be someone that I don't like.

Yet you're talking about doing this with your husband.

Even if he is not cheating, is this someone you should be in a relationship with?

If cheating is a massive insecurity, then why not have a relationship with someone else? The overwhelming majority of men don't cheat, and in fact, don't even have the opportunity to cheat to begin with!

I'm with you OP and would want the evidence

There was a woman on here a while back who caught her builder sneaking his girlfriend in to have sex. It was a tiny camera hidden in one of the numbers on her kitchen clock.

You don’t regain trust by going down this path.

please give your head a wobble.

if you are in your 60’s I am going to assume you are normally kinda wise and sensible. That you will know if you ask your husband something, you will know if he is lying.

The point is, right now there is no trust, but you don’t plan to leave him. So have a think about what you will gain from spying on him? If he finds out (innocent or not). He won’t trust you either and may leave.

Your choices are talk to him or sweep it under the carpet. Invading his privacy and spying on him really is not the answer. You are just setting yourself up for more hurt & the more you go down this path the more you veer into domestic abuse towards your husband

Wait until he's asleep and put his finger on the phone to unlock the apps.

But agree with PPs if you feel you have to go to these lengths the relationship is dead already.

Is this a joke post? I could give you some tips on finding your Spidey-powers, so you can scuttle around upside down on the ceiling undetected and catch them in the act?

What an actual weirdo. Writes a whole post about husband potentially cheating and asks advice on how to catch him but then says ‘not leaving him so don’t suggest that’. What do you want people to suggest? If your husband has an affair (not to mention the audacity of conducting an affair in your HOME), you leave him?

Not leaving my husband so don’t suggest. Need to confront with evidence.

Then what's the point?

If you're not planning to leave him, no point to any of it.

Just crack on and let him crack on too.

The day I would tolerate my husband saying I will be cavorting about with another woman & I answer have fun there would be a blue moon in the sky. My blood boils even thinking about it. This has nothing to do with trust & everything to do with respect, at least in my situation. I can't speak for your situation OP. If you are in the least bit suspicious then your intuition is telling you something.

I'm grateful my DH would never dream of dating another woman because let's face it that's what it is under the umbrella of long standing friends. He has plenty of female colleagues he gets on well with & very occasionally there is a meeting in a local cafe to discuss work and that's acceptable. Meeting outwith work for a social date is a whole different scenario.

This is what private detectives are for right? But this is cheaper

Emm...so he will say oh yes your right dear, I am having an affair🤔 what the point in asking . He's only going to deny it and be sneakier as he now knows she suspects.

He's having an emotional affair.
Neither of them may actually want to have a physical relationship with each other.
As he isn't telling you about her, he clearly feels he is doing something outisde the normal boundaries of your relationship.
If you aren't going to leave him, I don't really see what difference it makes whether you 'know' or not.
For me an emotional affair is deeper than a physical affair. If you are bothered by the physical side of it only, then there is nothing to suggest they will actually have a physical relationship. Emotional affairs can run for years. There will be hidden apps on his phone which will have all her emails and messages because people tend to hold on everything.

Tip off her husband. Your dh may be tech savvy. She may not be. Her husband may be able to access the messages.

Your relationship is already over. You ordered cameras so that’s the end of it. No trust and lies being told.

try to get everything organised for a clean break OP.

Which man, ever, admitted to an affair, when asked politely? I'd do anything to find out OP, been there done that twice; I have left both men. Nobody takes the piss out of my emotions and carries on ruining my life. Amazing how time and leaving them gave me back 100% emotional peace.