AIBU to expect DH to use annual leave in the holidays

[hisannualleave]

DH has complained because I asked him to take a days annual leave this summer. Apparently I have asked for ‘loads’ and he will have ‘none left for him.’

I’m a teacher; the expectation is very much that I have the children for the duration of the holiday.

I don’t know why I’m posting. Just pissed off.

Ask him when your time off just for you is.

Apparently I have asked for ‘loads’ and he will have ‘none left for him.’

You married a man who thinks the children are your job and now you’re annoyed about it years down the line?

His response is pathetic, a man like that would be of no interest to me.

Did he realise that becoming a parent involves parenting his children?

How much leave does he get, and when is he planning to take it, if not during the school holidays? I am part time during the school holidays, and DH takes a few days off when I am off so we can spend time together as a family

Yeh I'd be pissed too, surely you'd like some time with him too? The fact he wants to keep it all for himself and not a) share the childcare load so you can have some free time yourself or b) spend some time as a family.

My DH gets unlimited leave (fine as long as people don't take the P) and I'm currently signed off work. He has still booked a couple of weeks off over the summer holidays.

So what does he use his annual leave for? Does he take it all while your children are at school?

I would expect him to take a couple of weeks off to do stuff with his own children during the six week school holiday.

He sounds pretty selfish. Is he like that with other things too?

Doesn't he realise how lucky he is?? If you weren't a teacher then he would have to take all of his annual leave in the school holidays! Have you pointed this out to him?

I’ll correct you if I may.

I married a man thinking I was his equal. It’s true that it has gradually become obvious this isn’t the case but it is quite hard to extricate yourself once you have children and there are other aggravating factors here as well I won’t go into, but LTB isn’t currently on the table if you like.

I have noted your name elsewhere though and I see you are a provocative poster to most people.

I will say though any woman has the right to be annoyed about being treated badly. Any woman at all does.

Typical selfish man, all his holiday is meant for him and him only right?

Is he always such an arsehole?

When he is planning to take AL?

Are you having a family holiday?
Od some ring fenced for Christmas shutdown and BHs?

On the face of it he appears to be a selfish bastard but unless he’s planning to use the rest to have days off while you’re working rather than childcare (which your “holiday” is used for) then he’s right about it being limited.

He has taken five days for a holiday and he took three in May for child sickness, one in February half term and one in April for an Easter trip out. So he’s still got over three weeks. I think he has taken a few I don’t know about, though.

Please carve out a few Saturdays for yourself

school holidays are exhausting. And expensive

So what is he planning on doing with his leave then?
I worked term time only at one point for about 6 years and of course I did the bulk of having the dc then but Dh would take leave during the holidays to take them all out a couple of times over the summer to ensure I had a proper day to myself either at home just chilling out if I wanted or to go out and do what I wanted and then we’d also go away somewhere altogether.
What has he done previously during the school holidays? When does he normally take his leave?
what a selfish man, he would very much not be my husband for much longer.i

crossposted, I can see he has taken time off before during the holidays and to cover sickness. Now I feel slightly differently.

I have to use most of my annual leave during the summer. I don’t have much choice as DH is self employed but you deserve time off for yourself too OP.
It is only fair to share and for both parents to have a break, your DH needs to see that too.
Does he think you having the children all day every day is you having a break?

Yes that’s selfish and I would tell him so. If you are working all term time then looking after your children solo in school holidays then when do you get a break or when does he even spend time with you as a family? Are you not going away anywhere? If he refuses then he does childcare at the weekends and you book yourself some things.

Self employed men can still take time off. They should budget to 'pay' themselves for their holiday. I was self employed for gears and stills took time off here and there and that was before I had kids.

Does he deal with the kids mostly during term time? I'm assuming as a teacher you have to work late some weeks and are unavailability? He might see this as balance to that.

I would explain that if he doesn't take time during holidays then you are not getting any days for you either so he needs to pull his weight.

No. I wouldn't accept it. It's his children and responsible too. My husband is a teacher. I never expected him to cover all childcare. It would be insane if I spend my AL outside the school holidays.

@BlueMum16 no, very bluntly. I don’t work late unless it’s parents evening and that’s only a couple of times per year.

I am not surprised at all - the attitude is pretty much what I’m resigned to, but hearing it said out loud has still pissed me off.

I work in a school so generally the children have always been with me, but we have always discussed when DH has his days off. He generally has to book them at the start of the year anyway, and apart from keeping around 3-4 back for illness/appointments that crop up, then he takes his time in the holidays so we can do things as a family (go away, days out).
It generally works out well taking them across school holidays as it spreads them throughout the year, we normally do a week at Easter and Summer, May half term if other colleagues haven't booked it, then time at christmas.

It sounds like your husband is being selfish if he doesn't want to use his time with the family.

So what is he using his AL for? And taking days you don’t know about? What’s he doing? DH and I might take the odd day for ourselves but it’s always talked about beforehand as it’s one less available day for the school holidays (no teachers here!)

But an easy life for him if you let him get away with it.

Yes, when is your time, if you're working in term time and looking after DC in school holidays?

Equal personal leisure/child free time is what you should be aiming for. And in case he thinks otherwise, your DC are not 'your' responsibility/hobby. They're also his responsibility, not something he does 'for you'. He shouldn't need telling that they need looking after and he's equally as responsible as you are.

If he expects time 'for him' you should get time for you, so you need to jointly plan your time and time off work to achieve this.

I genuinely don’t know. I think he has as he muttered something about ‘not having any left’ but to my memory he’s only taken ten this year, which still leaves him over two weeks.

I don’t actually mind in the slightest him taking a couple of days for him. What annoys me is the view that his time is his time and my time is for the children. I’ve always known this but hearing it said out loud is different somehow which I know makes no sense but it does to me!