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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect DH to use annual leave in the holidays

228 replies

hisannualleave · 04/08/2026 07:31

DH has complained because I asked him to take a days annual leave this summer. Apparently I have asked for ‘loads’ and he will have ‘none left for him.’

I’m a teacher; the expectation is very much that I have the children for the duration of the holiday.

I don’t know why I’m posting. Just pissed off.

OP posts:
JoB1kenobi · 07/08/2026 22:04

Hohumbrumbrum · 07/08/2026 21:54

Crikey! with so many weeks unpaid have you thought about getting a second job?

Having such long holidays, and the ability to look after your kids in the holidays is massive perk of teaching.

The vast majority of parents (unless separated) use all of their holiday entitlement on childcare. That applies whether a teacher or an office worker.

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Of course it is a massive perk, like I said, part of the reason I chose to retrain as an adult before I started a family. It’s a massive perk for my husband too. Most of my friends have to use loads of the AL to share the 6 weeks between both parents. My parents did too, although my lovely nan helped. I get that. I’m trying to say, in that instance then, he’s lucky as am I, but he takes issue using 5 days of his AL to care for our children when I use all of mine so that he can work, but he’s not happy to reciprocate when I work.

FWIW, because I’m not full time, and I don’t work Mondays, I actually only get 3 more days off per year than he does. The beauty of my role is it’s very flexible, and I’m not for one minute suggesting it’s not a perk. I’m saying, it shouldn’t be abused. I’m not asking him for AL to cover personal days. If I was not a teacher, he’d be using way more than 18% of his AL to care for his children. As it stands, other than the odd day from my dad, I use 100% of mine.

Hohumbrumbrum · 07/08/2026 22:31

JoB1kenobi · 07/08/2026 22:04

Of course it is a massive perk, like I said, part of the reason I chose to retrain as an adult before I started a family. It’s a massive perk for my husband too. Most of my friends have to use loads of the AL to share the 6 weeks between both parents. My parents did too, although my lovely nan helped. I get that. I’m trying to say, in that instance then, he’s lucky as am I, but he takes issue using 5 days of his AL to care for our children when I use all of mine so that he can work, but he’s not happy to reciprocate when I work.

FWIW, because I’m not full time, and I don’t work Mondays, I actually only get 3 more days off per year than he does. The beauty of my role is it’s very flexible, and I’m not for one minute suggesting it’s not a perk. I’m saying, it shouldn’t be abused. I’m not asking him for AL to cover personal days. If I was not a teacher, he’d be using way more than 18% of his AL to care for his children. As it stands, other than the odd day from my dad, I use 100% of mine.

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He should certainly be taking the vast majority of his leave during school holidays for family time as well.

Cornishclio · 07/08/2026 22:59

dontmalbeconme · 04/08/2026 22:21

But theyre not 'sacred' when he's expected to cover all term time sickness and 5 inset days a year. That's nigh on all of it outside of regular shared family holidays.

Look, you get LOTS of holiday. You probably don't realise how little he gets. 5 Inset days (which he must cover as you're working) is one fifth of his leave. Your one week family holiday was one fifth of his leave. Sickness for 2 children is likely to be at least a fifth of his leave over a year (and sensibly, he'd budget for two fifths, only using the last week at the end of the year if not used).

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She doesn’t get lots of Holiday to herself as she is caring for her children whilst not working. That is the point. Her husband is not sharing the load and just assuming as she is not in work then she can care for their children with zero time for herself. That does not sound fair. If he has fifteen days left he should use some to spend with his children or give his wife some time to herself.

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