AIBU to expect DH to use annual leave in the holidays

[hisannualleave]

DH has complained because I asked him to take a days annual leave this summer. Apparently I have asked for ‘loads’ and he will have ‘none left for him.’

I’m a teacher; the expectation is very much that I have the children for the duration of the holiday.

I don’t know why I’m posting. Just pissed off.

I don't think OP wants to come back and confirm that her DH does indeed cover the INSET days.

What are the other issues OP? I feel like there’s more to this.

Fellow teacher here with one EYFS and one KS1 child. DH does most INSETs (unless a play date is arranged) and has the odd solo day of annual leave (mostly to work on house projects easier done when we’re all out of the house) but all other annual leave taken during school hols.

DH does all breakfast club/nursery drop offs for both kids as I can’t do either with my school start time. We split the kids sick days and alternate these if we can but discuss based on need. We also discuss openly and spot each other if working late or on weekends is needed for either of us - I don’t feel I have to squash all of my work into school hours and I’m wondering if you do? If you’re doing all the mental load at home too possibly?

I actually quite enjoy the holidays pottering with the kids but also have no issue at all booking them into camps a few days a week so I can go to the gym, drink a (posh) coffee in silence etc. Term time as a teacher is bonkers and my DH picks up the slack for sure when I’m burnt out, I like to free him up a bit when possible but of course that’s only ever holidays really.

She listed every day he had off so where are you getting that from or are you literally assuming another thing to fit your narrative. Unless these inset days were during half term in feb and during easter for a day out then I am not seeing where you are getting that from and OP literally listed his days off for holiday.

That is aside from the unknown days and why would OP think there were unknown days...probably because thats what he usually does. So again where does that fit your narrative that he is using all his days for the kids?

It's called critical thinking, being able to make logical deductions based on the partial information given. But don't worry about it, you're clearly not going to get it.

Bless

We aren't teachers but we split the childcare equally.

Summer hols this year looks like this for us:

Weeks 1 & 2- both off (holiday)
Week 3 - holiday club/grandparents
Weeks 4 & 5 - husband 6 days across the 2 weeks, grandparents others days
Week 6 - me full week

It is ridiculous that your husband is complaining about one day. Why doesn't he want to spend time with the children on his own?

Quite, bless you. Presumably you've never passed a verbal reasoning test in your life!

I'm hiding this thread now, as it's literally a written example of why you shouldn't argue with stupid. If you don't have the reasoning skills, no amount of me explaining will help you get it.

I find it absolutely mind blowing that he takes days of AL and doesn’t tell the OP. That is so strange to me.

None left for him? Selfish fucker.

most parents don’t have any AL leave them ‘for them’. Only now mine are all adults I can use my AL to benefit myself.

I don’t work and Dh is self employed. He doesn’t technically even get any AL. He’s still taking at least a week, possibly 2 off this summer. Mostly because he doesn’t want to work every day. He wants to do some stuff with the kids. But also he recognises that it’s not just my responsibility because I’m not working right now.

Ive never heard someone make up such utter rubbish to excuse making so many assumptions and trying to sell it under the guise of supreme intelligence is hilarious. Its very telling though.

It is definitely odd to take a day off without telling your spouse. Do you not talk about your days or plans? I can't fathom not knowing that my husband has a day off.

Have you asked him how many days he has, so you can help plan for the rest of the year in a way that works for the whole family?

OP should book the kids into holiday club for a few sessions in the holiday to get a proper break too. 6 weeks parenting with no breaks is quite full on.

he has less holiday than you so it needs to all be organised beginning of the year by a percentage base system. So he looks after poorly kids here and there when he can so has to save leave for that, has a weeks holiday with you all (he’s done that) and a short family break. The rest is his, but it would be normal for you to know how he’s used it and doing what. for example a long weekend away camping and another long weekend doing repairs on the house, that sort of thing.

also the thing that would help you the most so you get a decent break from children would be he has the kids by himself for one weekend a month. He doesn’t lose any annual leave and so you can get out a bit and have a break.

Surely as a parent, all his annual leave should be taken when his kids are on school holidays.

That's what all teachers have.
Most people want to spend time with their children as her dh should be doing.

I’d already agreed that her DH should want to spend his leave with his family but it is fair that the OP has the odd day of time to herself too.

Yeah this absolutely wouldn't fly.

You're not being unreasonable at all. Aside from anything else, why would he not want any time of with you and the kids over the holidays? We always have 2 weeks together.

You will burn out if you don’t get some alone time. People who have never worked in schools simply don’t understand the way it is and think it’s easy because they went to school.

Can you enlist grandparents at all? Can you book some time at weekend so he is home and can do parenting? And just go visit a friend or family for the weekend to have some space to decompress.

Lots of people have tricky jobs. Most don't get any alone time in the holidays. Teaching isn't some exception 🙄.

Teacher here too, my husband is the same. He moans when I ask him to cover a handful of training days too.
great, hands on dad, but relies on me too much.

my sister’s F colleague (also teachers) is divorced and went 50/50 at his request. He expects her to cover all summer holidays - she was like no way and court backed her. He has to pay childcare or find care in holidays while she’s off. I don’t blame her.

I’d hate that for my kids but I’ve let my husband know how easy he has it!

This 'handful of days' the equivalent of about 20% of his annual leave?

How trivial a handful of days is when you've got 13 weeks. How precious those few days are when you've got less than half that leave.

He gets to use his how he likes, and he gets around the same as I do.

So, as a family, we are luckier than many parents in that I don’t have to pay childcare in the summer holidays. One of the reasons I chose teaching, I wanted a family.

I do however have a job, and it’s very strict with time off due to ‘13 weeks holiday’ you say we get. Ahem all but 28 days unpaid I also have to be at work on teacher training days and I can’t bring my kids along, so why can’t he be expected to use a handful of days to look after HIS children when I use all 13 weeks (not 13 weeks, but quoting you) on childcare.

Crikey! with so many weeks unpaid have you thought about getting a second job?

Having such long holidays, and the ability to look after your kids in the holidays is massive perk of teaching.

The vast majority of parents (unless separated) use all of their holiday entitlement on childcare. That applies whether a teacher or an office worker.