AIBU to just f off back home?

[BusyMommaOf4]

Day one of a weeks holiday in Spain with DP and DC (age 4, 3 and 0)

Me and DP had an argument this morning which was in my opinion trivial but I know people are different. Basically I was stressed because the 2 older kids had been crying most of the morning as we had a late arrival and they haven’t slept enough (got to hotel at 1.30am and was up at 7.30). Wasn’t working in the hotel room trying to get them to sleep so I wanted to get them out in the pushchair. Partner suggested going to the shops and (I believe he said) then go swimming straight after. Baby was asleep so didn’t get her ready for swimming. DP was taking ages getting ready so I said I’d just walk them up and down to stop the crying. Tbf it was only a few minutes when I came back as he still wasn’t out the room as he was doing his hair. I was unreasonably annoyed, basically in a huff saying I might as well get baby ready as I was waiting for him anyway (but didn’t say that). It was just the stress of waiting around for 2 hours in the room already with them not settling. Then it was an argument over what we were doing basically. Escalated as he said that he was gonna stay in the hotel room so I was fuming because that meant me being left with all 3 kids and I genuinely can’t take them all out by myself very easily. So I got pissed off and threw a hat at him which knocked his water over (that was out of order I know). So he said he was going out before he got angry. This was 7 hours ago. He’s not responding to messages etc so no clue where he is. He’s probably just in the hotel bar. But I’ve had this before where he takes days to calm down regardless of whether I apologise etc. Yes it was my fault but it this a normal reaction?! I can’t stay on holiday like this. There is literally no point me being here because I haven’t been able to take the kids swimming or anywhere really today. Had a walk to the shops (2 in a pushchair whilst wearing a baby carrier. 4 year old is autistic which is why he needs a pushchair for safety) so only a small walk. Got some food etc to cook as I don’t see how I can go to the restaurant with all of them as I can’t leave them at the table. We’re all inclusive and haven’t brought enough money to keep buying food as didn’t think that was going to be needed.
A friend has said she’ll lend me the money for flights home if I want to go tomorrow. AIBU if I do that and just leave him here? I will let him know but he’s not replying to anything even me asking if he was coming back so I could get the kids some food which I think is out of order. Hence the walk to the shops. So I have no clue when he’ll be back. What would you do?

imo It sounds like this isn’t the first time he’s used faffing, prevaricating, and the silent treatment to get out of being with the kids. I’d be stressed if some guy did his hair and left me to juggle three whinging overtired children. Is he usually checked out?

Where the hell do women keep finding these awful men and more importantly, why do they keep having kids with them. It's mind boggling

What a prince
so sorry - he sounds like a nightmare
the silent treatment is abuse
what’s your living arrangements? You say partner not husband so this could be tricky

So he's got 7 hours at an AI hotel on his own and you have looked after the kids all day alone?

Played you like a fiddle, what a nasty guy

Why would you have to leave them at the table in the restaurant?

If it's buffet style you all go up together, if it's waiter service wherea the issue

I wouldn't contemplate buying food if I'd paid for all inclusive

Go to the restaurant- use top of pushchair for a tray of food. Or find a table right by the buffet and ask for help.

he shouldn’t have left you alone with 3 kids regardless of his mood

He is usually really hands on with the kids. But when he’s pissed off then no, he does check out basically and leave me to deal with it unless I literally go and hand him the kids. It has always been me that’s pissed him off but I don’t know why it takes so long for him to calm down. Same cycle. Silence for a few days and then we’ll have to argue about it again. He does usually reply to texts though and if I ask him for help etc he will. That’s why I’m more pissed off as he knows I’m gonna be struggling with these 3. I don’t care about the whinging, it’s just ruined their holiday too

I imagine the 3 and 4 yo aren't reliable at holding plates with food on and OP can't serve up and carry 3 plates and hold a baby. Perhaps staff will help out, OP, but I would take your friend up on the offer and have some time to think about what you want to do.

Two things stand out

Firstly he doesn’t see himself as a parent - they’re your kids

secondly, your friend offering to pay the fare suggests this is a recurrent issue

i would find him and leave him with the older two in their pushchair tbh

The stress of travelling and trying to get all the children settled and happy won’t have helped you both feeling happy with each other. Plus I feel holidays have a habit of magnifying existing niggles and resentments a million fold. I’ve been there. I personally wouldn’t leave though as I think it will make things a lot worse and you may be able to salvage the trip. Plus I assume your older children are excited to be on holiday. I imagine your DP will be back at some point in a big huff and will make it out that everything is your fault. Let him. For your purposes you just need to be on a civil footing so the holiday isn’t completely ruined.

Go to the restaurant and ask for help. I'd watch someone's kids for a minute or get them a tray if food if I saw a mum on her own, struggling.

It is buffet style but I haven’t got enough hands! Baby in carrier but if the other two are out the pushchair I need to hold on to the 4 year old as he will literally run off or something stupid. He’s like 1:1 support in school if that puts it into context. So I can’t physically put food onto plates etc with one hand and push the pushchair with one hand as it’s really heavy and awkward to push! Tray on top the kids would whack it off!
anyway done food now. One is settled in bed already so I’m good for tonight now

If it’s an AI hotel, they might also have a kids club, can you go and see if they’re doing any activities for at least one of your DC (too late probably for today, but you could find out for tomorrow).

If you get down to two DC or just the baby for a couple of hours, it’ll free you up a bit to do something enjoyable.

But tonight, as per PP, just go down to the buffet and ask for a table near it, so you can grab food easily while the kids are in sight.

It might involve more than one trip to the buffet and back but presumably no one is going to be stealing the food on the table in the meantime, it doesnt sound like an insurmountable issue unless there are some features of the restaurant not yet mentioned

It has got to be waaaaay easier than going out shopping 😁

Go to the restaurant and ask a member of staff for help. I'm certain they will. No point paying for food if you're all in

If my partner had thrown something at me I would stay away for 7 hours. I’d stay away forever, actually.

What? Pander to him to keep the peace? I don’t think so.

Then I hope you’d still at least think about your kids and take them with you. Especially if you know that means them spending the majority of time in a hotel room on holiday

You have three children with him. In my little world, if you bring three kids into the world, you try and provide them with a nice life. Does partner not share that crazy idea ? You have to work it out with him. Good luck OP.

@BusyMommaOf4 come off it they’re as awful as each other! These poor kids! Stay on holiday where the adults are throwing things at each other, breaking glass around them, disappearing off, or go home to punish Daddy and miss out on the holiday completely. Neither sounds great.

op, if you can contemplate taking all three on a plane you can absolutely take them out of the hotel room alone.

I think he set up an argument so he could go off and do as he pleased...is there no creche OP?

Well I already have admitted I was in the wrong coz I was stressed etc. But I know him: he takes days until he’s ok with me again. So this isn’t salvageable anytime soon. I can’t spend another day like today, which is why I’m asking if you think I should just go home in the morning or have a horrific 2-3 days and hope that he speaks to me again after that. I think the kids would rather be at home where I can actually do stuff with them.

Taking children away is no holiday for anyone. So I'd re-label it as having taken the chaos of your life at home and putting it into a hostile environment. But if your partner isn't helping and pulling their weight, then the chances of having any fun time is so minimal I seriously would book flights home.

Abandoning your children...right, right

Interesting 'moral' decision making

A hat?