AIBU to just f off back home?

[BusyMommaOf4]

Day one of a weeks holiday in Spain with DP and DC (age 4, 3 and 0)

Me and DP had an argument this morning which was in my opinion trivial but I know people are different. Basically I was stressed because the 2 older kids had been crying most of the morning as we had a late arrival and they haven’t slept enough (got to hotel at 1.30am and was up at 7.30). Wasn’t working in the hotel room trying to get them to sleep so I wanted to get them out in the pushchair. Partner suggested going to the shops and (I believe he said) then go swimming straight after. Baby was asleep so didn’t get her ready for swimming. DP was taking ages getting ready so I said I’d just walk them up and down to stop the crying. Tbf it was only a few minutes when I came back as he still wasn’t out the room as he was doing his hair. I was unreasonably annoyed, basically in a huff saying I might as well get baby ready as I was waiting for him anyway (but didn’t say that). It was just the stress of waiting around for 2 hours in the room already with them not settling. Then it was an argument over what we were doing basically. Escalated as he said that he was gonna stay in the hotel room so I was fuming because that meant me being left with all 3 kids and I genuinely can’t take them all out by myself very easily. So I got pissed off and threw a hat at him which knocked his water over (that was out of order I know). So he said he was going out before he got angry. This was 7 hours ago. He’s not responding to messages etc so no clue where he is. He’s probably just in the hotel bar. But I’ve had this before where he takes days to calm down regardless of whether I apologise etc. Yes it was my fault but it this a normal reaction?! I can’t stay on holiday like this. There is literally no point me being here because I haven’t been able to take the kids swimming or anywhere really today. Had a walk to the shops (2 in a pushchair whilst wearing a baby carrier. 4 year old is autistic which is why he needs a pushchair for safety) so only a small walk. Got some food etc to cook as I don’t see how I can go to the restaurant with all of them as I can’t leave them at the table. We’re all inclusive and haven’t brought enough money to keep buying food as didn’t think that was going to be needed.
A friend has said she’ll lend me the money for flights home if I want to go tomorrow. AIBU if I do that and just leave him here? I will let him know but he’s not replying to anything even me asking if he was coming back so I could get the kids some food which I think is out of order. Hence the walk to the shops. So I have no clue when he’ll be back. What would you do?

Yes, people on here love to exaggerate.

OP said she knocked over a drink, not that there was any broken glass!!🙄

I think you know what you're going to do already. Your name says it all ...3 actual dc and a child man...

Is there a kids club? Get the kids on some activities so you’ve only got the baby.

also go down to the restaurant a member of staff will help you as you and your kids need food and you’ve paid for that. If someone like me was staying there I would comer over and help with the trays. Ignore him and try to make the most of your holiday.

7 minutes is all i would take to tske a breather if i had 3 v young kids and one with autism

ffs 7 hours is abandoning your family in a foreign place is unforgivable

your friend offering to fly you home us v telling

He is a Massive, massive bellend and after how he's behaved towards you today it would be the end for me. There would be no coming back from this. He's abusive and knows exactly what he's doing
Utter asshole. Go home without him and change the locks.

I'm not usually one to say ltb over every fight but what he's done isn't a fight. I actually can't get my head around what a prick he is to do that and leave you all alone ignoring you. Waste of space of a 'man'

And yeah I can’t condone any violence. Throwing a hat and knocking a glass over that didn’t break when frustrated and needing help is not that.

The fact he is staying away from you and ignoring you regardless of circumstances is truly crap.
I hope you can find some peace over the next few days regardless of the outcome.

Two hours while your children whinge at the other parent two hours faffing about while your children are tired cranky and not getting any happier TWO HOURS and you CBA to move your ass a bit faster for the sake of your own children you would be fortunate if it was a soft hat not a fucking brick to the dick

On the buffet I hear you, I did this a few years ago with my two little ones and it was super tough to make sure they didn’t drop anything and I didn’t lose them in the busy sections. My elder one was just about old enough to hold a plate but not reliably. I was so scared of them wandering off when my back was turned or someone needing the loo and us all needing to vacate the table and lose the precious hard won food. I was on my own with them a few days and no one offered to help just to get food onto plates. Anyway I agree basically impossible if you add on SEN and a baby… I would see if you can find a family with older kids to help you, someone who remembers how hard it is will be happy to make your day easier!

ditch your so called partner!

Bless you, its OK for kids to see you cry when life is really tough (few tears and sniffles probably better than full on out of control bawling!)

Then you can show them how you pull yourself together after having a few tears. Its OK. Tell them you're tired and fed up but its going to be OK.

Not that it matters but it wasn’t a glass, it was a small plastic bottle of water. Not sure if I was intending to hit him, I just threw it in his general direction (probably subconsciously though as I knew this was coming)

Ok, so you threw a hat. Not your finest moment and you know that which is why you apologised. I don’t think this is a hanging offence. Refusing to speak to your partner for days, disappearing for hours and leaving them with three tiny children in a strange place absolutely is. What kind of man does that to the mother of his children, no matter how pissed off with her he is?

OP, go home. Spend the time at home taking screenshots of all your bank accounts. Make sure you take copies of every important document you have. Think about whether this is the kind of relationship you want your kids to copy when they grow up and whether your life would actually be easier without the additional burden of the manchild. Good luck.

None of that is remotely helpful. It’s just intrusive judgemental questioning.
did you miss the part where her 4 year old needs constant hand holding and 1:1?

she wasn’t exactly going to take the 4 and 3 year olds in the pool by herself.

You don’t need to explain you were allowed to feel frustrated and upset by him. His actions whatever you had or hadn’t done would be he’s going out with any of you.

Your life sounds incredibly difficult. I can understand why you want to go home.
What I cannot imagine, is deserting my children for so many hours; especially when I know they were tired and distressed.
You're adults who can accept being in a relationship where silent treatment is a regular occurrence; but those children deserve better.

It’s all the perfect parents on here that gets me.

OP if I were there I’d come and help you take the kids out or go for a swim. You could join our family for dinner and we can pitch in. So sorry he’s left you. Regardless of the argument he shouldn’t jusy leave you and not respond.

do you know if he’s read them?? Read receipt or blue ticks?

It sounds very toxic for the kids in general - if this is how it generally is with huffs and throwing things then you have bigger things to think about.

It really didn't have to come to ending the hoilday early. Two stressed and shattered parents with small dc who got snappy stressed at each other should have ended with both saying sorry then a line drawn. My kids have a similar age gap and with asd too. Me and dh have both in the past have said things or done things in the heat of the moment that we shouldn't have. I actually think thats normal especially when we both can say sorry and draw a line. Whats not normal is walking out for 7+hrs leaving you alone with dc. I actually think it's a form of emotional abuse.

I think you might as well go home.

If you can't get food for you all without a big faff, what's the point?

Whose house is it?

Can you kick his useless arse out before he gets back?

Hi op he’s a selfish cunt he is doing this as a punishment bigger than you throwing a hat at him. Yes go home but definitely re think your relationship if he acts like toddler why have 4 kids. That is no life for you tell him you want 50/50 as well cheeky fucker. I would message him say right we are heading home you can have your little strop like always but I am done now. I can’t look after 4 kids. Hope it was all worth it.

I wouldn't leave.
I'd find a holiday rep and tell them your dh has left you all day and you need help emwith the dc.
And then I would ensure everyone who can speak English knows who the knobhead is.
Men get away with this behaviour because wives keep it under wraps.
You're never going to see these people again, rope them in to help and have a great holiday.
Make your abusive dh so uncomfortable that he wants to fly home early.
Be a warrior, not a worrier.

I cant believe you went on holiday with three kids this age and a 4 year old that runs off. What insanity is this? Bad enough with two competent parents never mind one.
How did you expect to have any fun at all especially in Europe which is currently as hot as hell.
Why did you even consider it?

I must have missed the part of parenthood where if you make a mistake then you automatically become the only parent responsible for meeting your children’s needs. Perhaps that is a requirement that impacts women more than men.

Honestly this would be the end for me.

His behaviour in the morning was vile. His absence for the entire day was vile. He mistreated you and he mistreated his children. I would be getting my ducks in a row to leave this man.

He really is not a good person.

@BusyMommaOf4 you deserve so much more.

Deep breath, OP. Wait until all three dc are asleep before doing anything. Then think straight.

Going home early with the children is a huge escalation. I’m in no way making excuses for your partner, he’s totally out of order. But right now all this is between you, inside the family. You’ve been there under 24 hours. Go home and your family and his family and everyone else will know. Which may be totally fine with you: but are you sure? You’ll both be questioned, sides will be taken, more accusations flung in both directions of new things…and I have to say I’d worry that taking the kids and passport without agreement might not stand you in the best light if it
does come to sharing custody. If you do it once, he’ll argue you’ll do it again.

You have six more days. He’s obviously incapable of acting like and adult it’ll have to be you - the price you have to pay for picking this prince. You can both choose to undo today and start again tomorrow, if you want. It’s stressful and exhausting and just plain awful being on holiday with young children when you’re both in this kind of mood. But it’s not too late.