AIBU to want my own bedroom after years of sharing?

[Seeing70]

Just that really. I fantasise all the time about having my own room, one that I can retreat to, read in, go to sleep in all by myself. I envy my teens their rooms. One of them is going off to uni and I am planning to decamp to her room, but I know that my husband of 20+ years will be hurt/offended, so the guilt will taint the pleasure of stretching out in a bed, by myself and being able to read as late as I like or get up in the night if I can’t sleep, or even start keeping a diary again before I fall sleep (or do a quick beard-pluck in private) all without worrying about disturbing anyone (or being disturbed by pesky questions about what I’m reading/writing).

Does anyone else feel this intense longing for their own space? Has anyone achieved it without hurting their spouse’s feelings?

Not in my experience

As I said previously Im the envy of my female colleagues

It's also notable that in many relationships, an extra bedroom becomes possible around the same time that women are experiencing menopause. Men like @Weald56 may not appreciate how uncomfortable and irritable that can make their wives. I know that I often wanted/needed the room to be much cooler than my DH liked. I also wanted less heavy bedcovers even in the winter. And I was easily annoyed by my DH's body shifting on the mattress as he slept. It had absolutely nothing to do with desiring him less or making some sort of negative statement about intimacy in the relationship. It was purely practical because neither of us were getting proper sleep when we shared a bed. I'm sorry that there are still men who feel that the woman is responsible to meet her DH's needs and disregard her own. And yes, I am happy that my DH is nothing like @Weald56. @Seeing70 I hope your DH appreciates that you also have valid needs and encourages you to get them met.

@SylvanMoon thank you! Yes, I think menopause has a lot to do with this.

Very odd, not my experience at all, it tends to be an older/elderly couple thing or due to medical needs or a marriage breakdown bur staying together for lifestyle in my circle.

Well I am older and my colleagues are 40 plus
Life/ marriage has many seasons

Just to add, have just woken up from 9 hours of blissful uninterrupted sleep 😁

I’m really surprised reading this how common it is and how many women would like that arrangement. DH and I have had separate rooms for years because we both snore. We have “our room” which we use when we first go up to watch tv, snuggle or other fun activities. Then when it’s time to sleep I go to “my room”. Due to the layout of the house it’s a really quirky room and I love it so much. It’s painted very pale pink with a comfy chair in the bay window. I have a fold away “nail station” to do my nails if DH goes to sleep earlier than I want to, or I just read my kindle. The window looks over our garden and with the window open I can hear the trees rustling. It’s absolutely bliss. When I wake up in a morning I get back into “our bed” for a snuggle before getting up. This has never had any kind of negative effect on our relationship. In fact I can’t imagine wanting to have sex with somone who had kept me awake all night snoring! 🤣

This!!
However I think with some posters there is an agenda where the poor bloke, internalised misogyny, you must hate your husband if you dont have a perfect marriage mentality, spend 24 hours a day gazing at him hahahacomes into play

Our marriage is very strong because I put my foot down, centred my own needs and we are happier because it took work and we repaired it
Pretending marriages dont have issues or its wrong to have issues is part of the Patriarchy " women you are wrong" mentality that silences women

My DH and I both have our own bedrooms with tv’s @ en-suites. We spend each evening together and at bedtime always say goodnight to each other with a kiss and hug before going to our own bedrooms. We get together every morning when one or other of us makes Tea/coffee for both (him mostly) and spend time together in bed chatting or having a cuddle or even watching the news on tv and discussing the days topics. We both have never looked or would go back to sleeping together at home. Though we always sleep together in one bed when on holiday or in hotels. Work that one out but works really well for us both.

As a husband I would be hurt. Daily life is busy and the only time we get to cuddle is in bed.

I’m aware that I’m quite needy in this respect although my wife’s family don’t really do affection which does not help.

i was once told off by my father in law for holding hands as ‘she won’t run away’.

appreciate my view will not be everyone’s ( especially not my wife’s!)

DH and I have been together 27 years and about 5 years ago he moved into the spare room. He snores very badly and I was menopausal so not sleeping well. He didn't like it at first and it was gradual to start with, but now he is fine with it. He gets to have his own private space ti watch football and has no more guilt about keeping me awake. I get my own girly room with en suite, and no man stuff or discarded underpants on the floor. Not everyone can adapt but I do know several couple who do the same, especially in later life. Introduce it slowly, it doesn't have to affect your relationship and can actually make it better.

Dh and I have our own rooms, sometimes we sleep in the same room sometimes I’ll go into the spare room which I’ve made mine. Nothing against either of us, when he snores I leave, if I have restless legs I leave, if he’s unwell I leave. No big deal doesn’t affect our relationship we’re still as close as we were but he understands the need for us both to sleep.

Sounds like now you have the chance, your relationship with your DH is over.

This is my fantasy. I’m working on it.

DP doesn’t care about clean bedlinen or a clean bedroom. Hoovering today I found all his toe nail clippings his side of the bed. He snores and farts endlessly.

I want a sanctuary I can call my own.

Yuck! But also very funny! Sanctuary is the perfect term for what so many of us want, it seems.

Perhaps you need to grow up a little bit and realise people are different.

I think any young blokes thinking of settling down with a girlfriend and getting pregnant should read all this mumsnet stuff first. This probably applies to girls as well.

Eh? You think not sleeping in the same bed means a relationship is 'over'??