AIBU to want my own bedroom after years of sharing?

[Seeing70]

Just that really. I fantasise all the time about having my own room, one that I can retreat to, read in, go to sleep in all by myself. I envy my teens their rooms. One of them is going off to uni and I am planning to decamp to her room, but I know that my husband of 20+ years will be hurt/offended, so the guilt will taint the pleasure of stretching out in a bed, by myself and being able to read as late as I like or get up in the night if I can’t sleep, or even start keeping a diary again before I fall sleep (or do a quick beard-pluck in private) all without worrying about disturbing anyone (or being disturbed by pesky questions about what I’m reading/writing).

Does anyone else feel this intense longing for their own space? Has anyone achieved it without hurting their spouse’s feelings?

How about doing some nights alone and a couple still together?
My situation is a little different as my dp and I have our own houses but i actually love having my own room for the majority of the time I highly recommend it.

Oh my goodness - separate houses sounds even better! My ideal would be next door to each other like Tim Burton and Helena BC, though that didn’t end so well for them!

One of the joys of being single, cool smooth sheets, quiet enough to listen to the birds singing. Move all four pillows behind me and read a book in peace. 😊

Introduce it slowly - 'I'm going to read this book late tonight so will probably fall asleep in xx's room'?

Turn the room into a ‘snug’ reading room, I have this and it’s lovely, bookcases, comfy chair, stereo if I fancy music. I love it.

Heck I feel immense joy having had my own double airbed whilst away recently camping. Own room would see me walking in air !
Do it op !

It has to have a bed in it for when DC comes home - plus it’s the bed to myself that I crave more than anything!

DH and I both have individual rooms in our home in addition to our shared bedroom. We use them for home offices and hobbies. They are our private spaces. It is a bit different than sleeping apart, but we find them very valuable.

DH and I have our own rooms, but a shared bedroom. His has hobby stuff, his wardrobe, etc. Mine has my desk, my wardrobe, a space to read. It's brilliant. If one of our rooms was bigger we'd have a bed in one or the other too so we could have a few nights a week sleeping separately - we're both bad sleepers.

My DH woukd also be hurt/offended: I’m always amazed by how many mumsnetters have separate bedrooms. Yes I’d love one too!

separate bedrooms was the beginning of the end of my marriages. But now I have whole house to myself which is lovely

DH and I have had our own rooms for a few months, and it’s bliss! We took the plunge because of his snoring, but I can’t imagine going back now even if he miraculously stopped snoring.

But I imagine it would be very difficult to approach the topic without such an obvious catalyst.

DP and I have had our own rooms since the start of the year. He is the world’s worst snorer and I don’t sleep too well anyway (perimenopause!). He’d rather we didn’t sleep separately but unless he gets his snoring sorted, it’ll continue.

I have the bedroom all to myself 3/4 nights of the week and absolutely love it.

Sunday night, fresh bedding, a really long hot ‘everything’ shower, do hair treatment, face mask etc. and a king size bed all to myself, DP is however always welcomed back the rest of the week.

I did this, it was bliss. Then we divorced (we would have ended up there regardless or room arrangements) and now I have my own apartment and my own bed all the time. I think you will get over your guilt fairly quickly, you should go for it.

I moved out, supposedly temporarily, to the spare room after an operation but never went back. It turned out that both DH and I preferred it.

That’s interesting. Do you think the desire for a separate bedroom was a symptom of a loss of interest in the relationship in the first place, or that having separate bedrooms created a problem that ultimately resulted in divorce?

A few questions to establish how you might deal with this -

How is your relationship?
Why do you think he would be offended?
Do you still have sex?
If yes, do you plan on continuing to have sex with him when you 'move out'?

I’m decorating my own bedroom as we speak. It’s ensuite as well so the bathroom will be decorated spa style. My own corner for good sleep and no boys items 🤣

I’m very jealous!

I don’t think the bedrooms were the cause. I’m more likely to get divorced from a snorer/ inconsiderate sleeper than if I’m supported to get good night sleep.

Yes me and my husband sleep separately but it’s still his room really

This is true. We actually got married after we started sleeping separately

I have my own living room and it’s fab. When I move in a few years time I may have my own bedroom too.

DH and I have had separate rooms for years. It was actually his suggestion because he was so conscious of me having a disturbed night due to him snoring like an asthmatic water buffalo and and getting kicked because of his restless legs! Plus we have totally different habits that aren't compatible; I like to go to bed quite early and read and I like silence and darkness. He stays up late and then likes to watch tv in bed and will fall asleep with it on.

It was honestly the best thing we did and I love sleeping on my own (well, with the dog who is much better behaved than DH😁) I'd never sleep with another human ever again!