AIBU to stop my abusive adult son returning home from university?

[Notmynameforthis]

i am not sure where to post this but we are in a desperate situation. My son now 20 has always been very difficult, extremely rude and verbally abusive and physical abusive to me at times. I feel deeply ashamed .He is currently at home from university and just like the last time he was here I have bruises again. He is very aggressive and we both know we will pay the price if we challenge him .
We don’t want him to come back again, he is so unreasonable and we are worn down at this stage. He returns to university next week due to a commitment he has there before term starts. We will be cutting off money and he will survive without it but if he doesn’t I don’t care anymore.

This morning I made breakfast ( my husband and I both agreed to keep things calm and just count the days until he is gone) Afterwards I asked him to wash his dishes up . He didn’t and went straight back to his room with ear buds in ( he does this all day) . I brought the diishes to his room, he pushed me out the door and put the dishes outside, then he went to the sitting room and threatened to pour the milk from his cereal on my sofas which are brand new . He has already smashed my new table with his phone during his time here.

We need to make sure he doesn’t return, does anyone disagree.

I totally understand. I name changed, for the first time ever because I wanted to remain anonymous.
It's one of the hardest things in life to realise that a child you have loved and cared for just doesn't seem to like you, I know this from personal experience.

My situation with my son is well known in the family, no one can understand why he has cut us (me and my husband) out of his life.

I sense your situation is between just the three of you, and that must make it harder to deal with. The violence, which I never experienced, makes it even harder, and I do understand how hard that must be to talk about.

All I can do is wish you and your husband peace in the future.

Agree with this. Moving away and cutting off all contact might be a trigger for an even greater level of violence. I’m a fan of setting immigrate boundaries though - affirm that he is your son and you love him but you will no longer tolerate this behaviour. And like the PP above says, you’d be open to a future relationship if he changes but for now, it’s over and out.

You’re stuck in a truly horrific situation OP - I’m so sorry. You mention you’ve relented in the past, what’s to stop you from doing that again at Christmas? Do you have others who can help keep you accountable? After all, once he realises you really mean it this time, he might react in unpredictable ways e.g threaten to harm himself etc. Abusers really do not like boundaries so you will need to be prepared for that.

It’s very worrying that you say he wishes you were dead. Just a few more days and then you can move forward with your lives.

Give it time @Notmynameforthis
Distance will help the dust to settle and hopefully one day he will genuinely feel full of remorse and apologise.

How are you OP? Is everything ok

Yes thank you @Sufferingjaysus , I am doing ok .

Just wondering how you’re getting on OP?