AIBU to think 8.45pm is too early to expect quiet?

[Ellou2010]

Am I being unfair or is it wrong of the neighbours to message asking us to be quiet at 8.45 because their 4 month old wakes at the slightest noise? For context we are older and have a 14 and 16 year old so our house doesn’t wake until atleast 11am. 16 year old finished his GCSES and has been on summer break for 5 weeks already and still has 6 weeks to go. He’s trying to get a job but he and his friends keep getting knocked back because there is no work for them. He is very sociable and has a good group of friends who come here once every couple of weeks which I like because atleast I know they are safe. 14 year old is autistic and shuts herself away from the world so I’m glad he is more social! We brought our house 4 years ago and the neighbours are lovely including the neighbours who have moaned. I understand it’s hard with a newborn because I’ve been there twice but seriously don’t understand why we should all go quite before 9pm? For context school terms were all in bed by 9pm latest it’s just summer we socialise. Don’t want to fall out with the neighbours but also want my kids to have a social life!

Camp sites and hostels and similar usually say either 10 or 11.

if the baby is waking at noise from next door then unless you are having a full on rap battle or something it’s unreasonable to be completely quiet from 8:45

I don’t think you're unreasonable, but your post implies you’d be happy to be quiet from 9pm - not sure 15 minutes makes that much difference.

I would laugh and carry on. 8.45 pm is ridiculous to expect other people to turn out the lights and be 100% quite because of a baby. And we are not a noisy family but 8.45?

If you're happy to be quiet from 9pm then what does 15 minutes matter? What is the type of noise they are complaining about?

What kind of noise is it? If it’s just daily life then that’s unreasonable but if it’s huge noise I can see their point?

Babies wake up noise or not.

They're making a rod for their own back expecting peace and quiet around their baby. Far better to have some noise (vacuum cleaner, music, talking on the radio etc) and the baby get used to it.

Generally quiet time
legally is 11pm to 7am in the UK.

It's ridiculous. There is still noise outside my house at 9pm . People getting in from work, people laughing in the garden, neighbours kids still playing out, my teens in the garden with friends, neighbours mowing the lawn. Inside the house In watching TV, teens often chatting with friends, playing video games, teens coming and going. That's normal noise for 9 pm. It's summer. My teens don't go to bed untill 1 am during the summer but do keep the noise down from 10 pm.

What noise are your teens making or can you hear noise through the walls? Have they got radios blaring outside or through windows? Is it general chatter in the garden? How quiet do they expect you to be?

in answer to your question, 8.45pm is too early, especially in the summer. Do you hear their baby cry a lot when it awakens?

I think it depends on what kind of noise you’re making, I wouldn’t complain that early but things like mowing a lawn/drilling/anything with a chainsaw etc in the evening would be irritating when you have young children you’ve put to bed.

If it’s just that you’re sitting outside talking and especially if it’s the weekend then they are definitely being unreasonable and that’s the sort of noise I’d hope my children would sleep through, if not I’d close their windows.

I would make sure they weren’t blasting rap music out

But normal summer evening noise - absolutely not

Some babies are hard work some are light sleepers - luck of the draw they can put the baby literally anywhere right now

OP says it's 9pm during term time (which seems really, really early for everyone to be in bed..but that's another thread).

OP, you need to tell us what sort of noise? Are there a bunch of teenagers playing music under the infant's window? Are they playing basket ball?

If I'm having people over in the evening, we'll use our garden but just for talking, I would let my teenager be too loud out there past about 9.30pm I suppose - just how I didn't let them out in the garden before 9am when they were little. I am in a terrace.

Unless your drilling adjacent to the nursery i can't see how normal household noise should bother a 4 month old.

I tend to make sure things are quiet by 9 but my children are younger.

Indeed. You'd think they'd have worked that out by now.

8.45 is ridiculous, why that time exactly? Depending on where you live it’s either quiet at that time or not. Normal neighbour noise, fine.

I grew up in a very quiet area and the retired neighbour next door to me would complain when I had music on during the day in the summer with windows open. I think I did turn it down a little bit, but it was just teenage music (he had 2 adult children).

My neighbours have 2 little ones, and we try to turn the noise down a bit 8.30/9 ish. They’ve never said anything but I know what it’s like to have little ones. That said if we had the family round we might be noisy until about 9. I think regardless of ages you should start turning it down (unless the odd party I’m talking day to day )

I just think it’s being considerate.

it really depends on what the noise is, loud music shouting a football bouncing, is different to just talking and laughing. They will regret if their child doesn’t get use to that.

I think it depends on the noise, are you playing the drums or loud music or is it just normal household activities?

8.45pm must be the magic time because that’s when one neighbour turns on his angle grinder (every night like clockwork for the last few weeks…) and the attached neighbour’s kids start practising their trumpet and piano 🫠

I think if it were me I'd be trying to work with the neighbours. Having a new baby is tough going and having a good relationship with your neighbours is also useful. I think I'd be considering things like are your kids upstairs with a group of their friends with a window open being noisy and playing music or gaming loudly/shouting etc which would easily carry through an adjoining wall? Could you compromise and have them use a downstairs space and keep windows closed for example so they can be as social but not immediately beside a baby's bedroom?

My next door neighbours have kids and I have to say they do seem to pay attention to when my wee ones blinds are shut because around then I do hear the mum saying to hers to keep the noise down.

I think it's good to teach your kids to be considerate of others anyway.

They are not helping their baby by demanding silence . It is important that babies learn to sleep in noise. I wonder whether they are having PFB Syndrome.

I’ve never made people be quiet around my sleeping babies. Normal household and family noises. My dc3 slept in a carrycot by the front door. From 3-4m nothing woke him, not his siblings charging playing tag and yelling, not the doorbell, not feet thundering in the stairs - except my voice! He would wake the instant I spoke anywhere near him.

This. They sound very PFB. The world doesn’t around their child

If it was a week one off, I might by sympathetic but you have at least a month of the summer holidays ahead and there’s no guarantee that the new baby will be a 12mth old or a toddler who sleeps well so will you then be expected to do the same forever more?

I think it really depends on what the 'noise ' is.

Talking in the garden or loud music playing? I don't think it's unreasonable at all to be chatting in your garden until 10pm really. But I wouldn't expect to be hearing loud music or screaming and shouting. That would be annoying. I wouldn't mind a one-off or very occasional loud music party either.

In year 7, age 12, in bed by 21:00.

In year 10, age 15, in bed by 22:00.

In GCSE year, age 16, in bed by 23:00.

In 6th form, age 17+, free-for-all.

It depends on how noisy and how often tbh. It’s impossible to say.