AIBU to think 8.45pm is too early to expect quiet?

[Ellou2010]

Am I being unfair or is it wrong of the neighbours to message asking us to be quiet at 8.45 because their 4 month old wakes at the slightest noise? For context we are older and have a 14 and 16 year old so our house doesn’t wake until atleast 11am. 16 year old finished his GCSES and has been on summer break for 5 weeks already and still has 6 weeks to go. He’s trying to get a job but he and his friends keep getting knocked back because there is no work for them. He is very sociable and has a good group of friends who come here once every couple of weeks which I like because atleast I know they are safe. 14 year old is autistic and shuts herself away from the world so I’m glad he is more social! We brought our house 4 years ago and the neighbours are lovely including the neighbours who have moaned. I understand it’s hard with a newborn because I’ve been there twice but seriously don’t understand why we should all go quite before 9pm? For context school terms were all in bed by 9pm latest it’s just summer we socialise. Don’t want to fall out with the neighbours but also want my kids to have a social life!

Have they tried white noise in their baby’s room, to mask outdoor sounds?

How did they let you know they were unhappy about the noise. Did they catch you off guard, as you could have told them that you used to use background noise of a radio or white noise when you had your babies, so they would not hear external noise.
Its bad enough that you would have to be quiet for your own kids when they were small, never mind the next door neighbours, years later. I would not be happy telling my own grown up kids to be quiet because someone else has a baby (in another house)

The baby is 4 months. There's a thing called the 4 month sleep regression. It will make no difference what time your teens are quiet, their baby will still have crappy sleep for the next 1-2 months.

Id suggest they try strategies for their baby such as white noise - an air purifier in the room or a fan would be good in the heat or a radio or cd of background soothing music (harp or soft piano soothing music). this would all drown out street noises. If the baby is unsettled (which many young babies are) then the answer isnt to expect the world outside to be quiet from a certain time, but to look for solutions. Their brains are probably fried from fatigue so maybe suggest some of these strategies to them.

I think 9:30 to 10 o'clock is polite and very reasonable.

I wouldn't even be quiet for my own kids at 8:45 on a school day!
10pm to 9am, or 10pm to 10am on a Sunday is fine.

What exactly is the noise, OP?

If it's loud music every day then YABU. I don't see why that can't be turned down or off to support a neighbour with a small baby.

Evening music is fine as an occasional thing, but not every night.

If it's just teenagers chatting and socialising then YANBU. Your kids need to be able to live their lives, too.

Depends what noise they are dealing with though.

If it's just chatting in the garden then yes, sure, but a bit of white noise and a fan won't drown out loud music coming from next door.

my neighbour used to bang on the wall at 8.30
they moved thankfully!

In the 80s my mum had 5 of us in a 3 bed terrace, next door d neighbours had 5 and their eldest as the same age as my youngest sister. There was lots of little kid noise nextdoor and lots of silly teenage noise in our house. My mum and my neighbour had the same age difference as me and the neighbour. They got on great. My mum took the babies in when my neighbour had a doctor's appt, I remember her just wheeling a double pram with a sleeping baby and toddler into our living room behind the sofa while I was studying for GCSEs. My neighbour kept an eye none of us burnt the house down the odd time both my parents were out.

When did people get so intolerant and expect silence but also expect to make noise indiscriminately?

What are your kids doing to make noticable noise? At 14 and 16 I'd expect them to be past the crashing about stage and able to understand normal conversation volume when they've pals round. I'd expect them to know how to keep music or tv at a reasonable level and I wouldn't mind asking them to stock headphones on past 8.45. what is the noise that's problematics?

This so the question isn't it? If they are asking for silence they are being unreasonable, if they're asking that 10 teenagers aren't playing aloud music in the garden then they're very reasonable. Op needs to return and explain

What were you doing?

Yes, my suggestions will not help if its a drum and bass fest next door. I think the poster said they were not overly noisy so hopefully its sufficient.

No OP didn't say anything about what the noise actually is or how loud it is. She just said they are socialising.

A group of teenagers socialising could be anything from 3 or 4 quietly chatting, to 11 or 12 listening to loud bass music/ drinking/ getting a bit out of control and boisterous.

There's a pretty big difference.

Also, most parents of 4 month old babies know all about white noise.

Yanbu at all. It's ridiculous of them to impose like that.
Yabvvvu to say you brought your house though. You can't bring a house anywhere!

Depends how loud you are being. Having the TV or music on at a normal volume or general chatter between people is fine and hearing it through the walls is just a part of having attached neighbours. That said, I think playing loud music or having raucous parties where people are shouting or singing at the top of their voice etc isn’t ever really reasonable in an attached house, nobody wants to hear that at any time so if the neighbours have asked you to be quiet I’d honour it.

Completely unreasonable! I have hardly had tea by that time, let alone be silent!

It depends what noise you mean by "socialising" - all out in the garden loudly talking or playing music? Or one of your kids has a mate or two over? The summer holidays aren't a holiday for everyone, lots of us go to work and so I would usually say quiet by 9 and 08:45 is only 15 minutes extra.