AIBU to think 8.45pm is too early to expect quiet?

[Ellou2010]

Am I being unfair or is it wrong of the neighbours to message asking us to be quiet at 8.45 because their 4 month old wakes at the slightest noise? For context we are older and have a 14 and 16 year old so our house doesn’t wake until atleast 11am. 16 year old finished his GCSES and has been on summer break for 5 weeks already and still has 6 weeks to go. He’s trying to get a job but he and his friends keep getting knocked back because there is no work for them. He is very sociable and has a good group of friends who come here once every couple of weeks which I like because atleast I know they are safe. 14 year old is autistic and shuts herself away from the world so I’m glad he is more social! We brought our house 4 years ago and the neighbours are lovely including the neighbours who have moaned. I understand it’s hard with a newborn because I’ve been there twice but seriously don’t understand why we should all go quite before 9pm? For context school terms were all in bed by 9pm latest it’s just summer we socialise. Don’t want to fall out with the neighbours but also want my kids to have a social life!

They aren't raising their baby in a block of flats though, they've chosen what they considered to be a quiet area. Does noone else mind the noise?

They still have no right to insist on it though, it’s not antisocial behaviour. It’s just crap for them with a small baby. There’s been other posts on here with people upset at neighbours out playing music, shouting and screeching in the garden daily and the posters have been told tough you can’t expect other people not to use their gardens. Same applies here. There’s nothing wrong with teens sitting outside chatting at 8.45 pm

A few kids sitting in the garden chatting doesn’t make it not a quiet area. If they want silence they need to live in the countryside away from everyone else. I live in a peaceful area but people are allowed to make normal living noise at 8.45 at night. It doesn’t mean it’s rowdy or unreasonable

I don't disagree with you, I just see where the neighbour is coming from and think op is underestimating how noisy and annoying this would be. My 8 yr old is autistic and I'm very mindful of not having him tearing round our yard later than about 8/8.30 just because it feels inconsiderate and he's not as noisy as 6 teens chatting, he's usually doing cartwheels on a gymnastics mat to get last minute energy out and he's not a shooter/screamer, but of laughter here and there but a high functioning kid who just needs a lot of movement. I wouldn't even have 6 adults in my garden talking at that time when people are getting settled for the night. It's not very regular in ops case so I definitely see her side.

I disagree with what people say about noisy children by the way, everyone on here seems to agree children shouldn't make any noise in a garden and their voices are nails on a blackboard

Id say 6 teens in the garden once a fortnight is not excessive, and being outside until 10 is not unreasonable. Some evenings have been extremely hot and I definitely wouldnt want to come inside and draw the curtains at 8.45

Although I personally wouldnt offer advice on how to get baby to sleep unless they specifically ask

I just can't picture 6 teenagers chatting quietly and I WAS a quiet teenager. My mum would have flipped if 6 of us had sat in our garden at that time for time of night, we'd have been swiftly dispersed or brought inside .

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Why are people saying "at that time of night" its 8.45pm!! Not 11.45pm or 2am

We (family of mum, dad, and 2 teens) are often outside eating dinner "at that time of night" in the summer. Its literally late evening. If I invited s group of friends round, I wouldnt dream of shushing them or shooing them inside before 9pm for fear of being unsociable.

It’s 8.45. Nor midnight! Most people are still
uo and awake and watching Coronation Street or similar! My parents were strict and dad was up at 4.30 for work but even they wouldn’t have lost their shit at me having pals round chatting at 8.45!

They must be very light sleepers. I once had to get a child dressed and up to come with their younger sibling to A & E. I managed to strip them out of their pyjamas, completely dress them, and get their shoes laced on. I had to try to get them to wake up which ended with me trying to pin them upright against the wall. It took the second episode of wall pinning to wake them up. This was a child the household was not quiet around. Children have to learn to settle themselves back to sleep and total silence from the neighbourhood doesn't help them learn that skill. I do think mine might have over-learned that skill though.

YANBU at all. They are in for a rude shock as the reality is when their baby becomes a toddler they will be outside in the summer months making lots of noise but so what? That’s life.I’d continue being respectful as you and your son seem to be doing but also your son deserves to continue enjoying himself too. It’s not for long and soon enough it’ll be autumn and it’ll no longer be a problem.

She’s creating future problems by trying to create silence for her baby to sleep. She needs to be making normal everyday noise. When dd1 was a baby we lived above a beach bar which hosted club 18-30 beach parties in the summer months. That child sleeps through anything 😆. 8.45 is ridiculous to expect silence, you’d need to live somewhere rural for that (but then you get woken at 4.30 am by the birds)

I originally thought you meant that you needed to be quiet inside by 8.45 which I thought was preposterous.

But no I don't think I would be keen on a group of six teenagers being in the garden and making lots of noise throughout the summer. And teenagers DO make noise in groups, they surely aren't just sitting chatting at a low volume the entire time - and if they are where did you find these unicorn teenagers 😂

I would just be asking your teenage son and his friends to come inside from 9pm, I don't think that's unreasonable x

I think you need to be blunt - point out the inconveniences with baby crying and cat and say but that’s normal life from having neighbours. If they can’t accept a bit of noise then they need to live away from other people. Be clear you have set a time of 10pm and will stick to it but you won’t be doing any more.

Yanbu but I do wish you and other PPs would stop saying that babies will learn to sleep through noise.

We lived in a flat in the centre of a capital city when mine were babies. By a busy road (with traffic lights so some bastards would roar off on their motorbikes at 3am) and above a restaurant. And with an insomniac neighbour who would stomp above us at all hours.

It was pure hell. Mine didn't sleep through the night until they were 7 and 5 years old respectively.....when we moved to a quieter area!!!!

I feel for the new parents that are exhausted to be honest op. I would encourage the teens to go to another friends' house whilst the weather is so hot. It is the combination of very hot weather and everyone wanting to be outside.

I would probably agree with my neighbours that Friday and Saturday evenings we will be outside, including teens and during the working week to keep things quieter. That is a good compromise.

They are being totally unreasonable. Guidance for noise relates to adults, it's assumed babies are different. The world doesn't turn silent for babies afternoon nap and babies and young children are usually asleep long before adult life quietens down. In 2 or 3 Summers they will have having rows with a little person who absolutely insists it's still daytime until 10.30pm in June and breakfast time at 5am. They have yet to navigate the clocks changing. These are tricky times for parents and the world doesn't care. We've all been through it. For now they need to find a solution to their issue, not try to make the world change for them. You'll need to have a difficult chat with them, maybe agree some limits to keep them happy. Maybe remind them next Summer when their toddler is squealing in the garden at 9am when your teens are sleeping will they be prepared to facilitate your family sleeping habits? I doubt it.

Half a dozen teenage boys in the back garden will be quite noisy and annoying. I think this is okay for a one-off (like a party) but not every night or most nights.

Oh wow, if it’s only fortnightly, and the teens make an effort to be thoughtful, and it’s not all year round, then this sounds fine. I find noise hard and tend to have to bite my lip. However, this sounds super thoughtful. You can’t all change your life for someone else’s baby when you’re being great already. We literally just had this on holiday - stayed in a lovely hotel, area of villas split into garden apartments. I was having lunch outside DH and children aged 8 and 5. We were talking and laughing. Neighbouring guest came out and said “I need quiet as my baby is napping”. WTF. Ok, we’ll eat lunch in total quiet?!?!

They’re doing nothing wrong, provided they aren’t messing about shouting at one another until 10pm which would piss most people off. I don’t think that’s the case though from what you’ve said. It’s absolutely fine to chat in the garden at that time and they’re being precious, take no heed.

OP says its once every 2 weeks

I just can't imagine making so much noise that my neighbours have to ask me to keep it down.

But then I try to be a considerate neighbour, aware of the fact the world doesn't revolve around me and my right to do whatever the fuck I like.

OP said they’re in bed at 9pm during term time, not during the summer.

From a practical perspective if the baby is sleeping in a room next to the dividing wall it might be sensible for them to move it elsewhere.

Haha yeah do this. Next summer ask then to keep their 16 month old quiet as your teens are sleeping until 11 am. It’s equally as ridiculous as expecting people not to talk in their garden at 8.45 pm