AIBU to think 8.45pm is too early to expect quiet?

[Ellou2010]

Am I being unfair or is it wrong of the neighbours to message asking us to be quiet at 8.45 because their 4 month old wakes at the slightest noise? For context we are older and have a 14 and 16 year old so our house doesn’t wake until atleast 11am. 16 year old finished his GCSES and has been on summer break for 5 weeks already and still has 6 weeks to go. He’s trying to get a job but he and his friends keep getting knocked back because there is no work for them. He is very sociable and has a good group of friends who come here once every couple of weeks which I like because atleast I know they are safe. 14 year old is autistic and shuts herself away from the world so I’m glad he is more social! We brought our house 4 years ago and the neighbours are lovely including the neighbours who have moaned. I understand it’s hard with a newborn because I’ve been there twice but seriously don’t understand why we should all go quite before 9pm? For context school terms were all in bed by 9pm latest it’s just summer we socialise. Don’t want to fall out with the neighbours but also want my kids to have a social life!

Or maybe after a few weeks of noisy teenagers till quite late in the evening and many weeks of unsettled infant in this heat they're losing their minds and just thought they'd ask.
We still don't know what the actual noise is. If they're asking if the teenager can turn their music down in the garden at 8.45pm I don't think that's unreasonable.
The OP is a bit confusing because she says her older teen only has friends over every couple of weeks. So what noise are we talking about?

I think some noise is fine in general until about 11pm. Not anti social blaring music really loudly or hitting a ball against a wall. But talking, background music etc all fine and normal part of life.

They are doing themselves no favours with their baby. It’s best they learn to sleep through all noise and not need dark and silence. We used to take DS1 to the pub and he’d happily sleep. And we’d have parties and he’d sleep through them. We didn’t tip toe around him.

Depends entirely what sort of noise your household is making and how loud.

eg are your DS and friends playing music? If so how loud and how often is this happening?

It depends on what you are doing.
If you have loud music playing or are jumping around shouting then maybe tone it down. But if it’s normal household noise the neighbours can’t expect you to creep around whispering.

What is the point of this thread if you aren't going to say whether its general family noise or your teen play drums and like to scream randomly and plays music at full volume with the bass on and has speakers against the wall.

Depends on the noise, as others have said.

You BOUGHT your house, you didn’t brought it

If it's once every couple weeks summer only I think that's totally reasonable. Your son is allowed to have friends over, you aren't living in a monastery.

Sorry, it’s summer. People stay up/outside later.

11 onwards

YANBU

Any chance that the whole family could go away somewhere for a week - thus proving to the neighbours that it's not family noise that keeps the baby awake, they've just drawn the short straw with babies and got one that doesn't sleep?

Sorry neighbour, but the world can't tiptoe around your baby!

I am a mother to a four month old myself. They might be struggling with 4 month sleep regression, but it's not your problem.

Unless you are being unreasonably noisy, which I'm guessing you're not, I'm not sure what they can honestly expect.
They can't send you to bed along with their baby!

I'm honestly more worried about my baby disturbing the neighbours than the other way around. 😅

Did posting that make you feel big?

I’d tell them to get a white noise machine for the babies room. I had light sleepers and these work a treat. Totally unreasonable to expect you to be quiet

Op clearly stated that was in term time. Now it’s the holidays they stay up later.

That wasn't my point. She said 8:45pm would be fine but 9pm not - it's 15 minutes. Regardless of whether it's term times, holidays, or the seventh Sunday after Michaelmas.

At no point does OP say 8.45pm would be fine. The whole point of the thread is that 8.45pm is not reasonable or fine to expect neighbours to be quiet.
I see someone else answered you the same way I did. I have no idea what your point is…

Is it their first child? Are they following some regime that states baby should be left to sleep and needs a strict routine? No - babies haven't read the rules and it probably doesn't appreciate being left alone to sleep. Plus of course, currently it's very hot, and possibly stuffy in its bedroom. Maybe it has colic too. You sound as though you are a thoughtful neighbour, so they need to sort themselves out, and legally you are entitled to make normal noise, until at least 11.00 pm.

Just kid on you are all in bed for 8pm and it must be another neighbour making all the noise? 🤣.

I have teens and make hen pipe down inside at 10pm
and outside at 9pm.

This! Let them know this in a nice way. We put the radio on while ours was little on purpose and he even sleeps through the odd shouty argument, the dog barking its head off and the doorbell, and obvs the telly and everything. So glad we didn’t tiptoe round him!

Depends on the noise and type.

My neighbours let their teenager hit a ball against the concrete wall until sometimes 10:30 almost 11pm at night. My toddler’s bedroom window is overlooking the garden. This disrupted her bedtime as we moved it from 7:30pm to 8:30pm, to 9pm
which meant it was very difficult for her to wake up the next morning. We ended up taking her into our room to fall asleep and then moving her to her bed around 11pm. The knock on effect was that she woke up at night in a different bed to where she fell asleep and came looking for whoever put her to bed! Absolute nightmare for us as I have to get up at 5:30am! I’m house hunting at the moment, and will hopefully move once we can afford to. I have two older kids and I would always teach them to bed considerate of their neighbours.

Alexa volume 10 LOL