AIBU to think 8.45pm is too early to expect quiet?

[Ellou2010]

Am I being unfair or is it wrong of the neighbours to message asking us to be quiet at 8.45 because their 4 month old wakes at the slightest noise? For context we are older and have a 14 and 16 year old so our house doesn’t wake until atleast 11am. 16 year old finished his GCSES and has been on summer break for 5 weeks already and still has 6 weeks to go. He’s trying to get a job but he and his friends keep getting knocked back because there is no work for them. He is very sociable and has a good group of friends who come here once every couple of weeks which I like because atleast I know they are safe. 14 year old is autistic and shuts herself away from the world so I’m glad he is more social! We brought our house 4 years ago and the neighbours are lovely including the neighbours who have moaned. I understand it’s hard with a newborn because I’ve been there twice but seriously don’t understand why we should all go quite before 9pm? For context school terms were all in bed by 9pm latest it’s just summer we socialise. Don’t want to fall out with the neighbours but also want my kids to have a social life!

I would try and be a good neighbour otherwise you might find they start standing in their garden at 5am with the screaming baby.

They are new parents and probably want to be in bed by 9am with the window open but can't sleep due to 6 teenagers chatting and laughing in your garden.

I think there's a difference between a one off and what happens day to day. As a one off or temporary thing, later is fine. But if it's an ongoing normal everyday thing, I think it's reasonable to expect them to come in at 9ish, perhaps leaving doors and windows open so the noise is muffled but not silenced.

Live your life normally (your posts make it clear you are doing absolutely nothing wrong).

Ignore them completely. Get used to absolutely ignoring them and pretending they do not exist, because they will continue to make unraesonable demands.

get that as a new parent on little sleep! It’s hard! I haven’t forgotten the early days at all. But also understand as a parent of a confident almost 16 year old and a very reserved 14 year old autistic girl it’s important to encourage confidence and socialisation. They are not disrespectful they understand there is a young baby next door and we’ve arranged his 16th party around them so they’re not disturbed. we also need to live with teens, maybe they or we need to move to a detached house to avoid the noise of general summer socialisation x

It doesn't actually help babies who wake at the slightest noise to keep quiet, as they never learn to sleep through noise.

I suspect that it's parents who have wakeful babies and who need to be undisturbed themselves that request quiet. They can think that if it's quiet, the baby may stay asleep and they need the break from the baby.

You and your DC are doing nothing wrong. You’re being good neighbours by not playing loud music. People chatting can be loud but there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s summer and you’ve got every right to sit in your own garden.

Your kids are fine. The neighbours are entitled and are going to have to get used to living in the real world, or move somewhere with no neighbours. That's a them problem, don't let them make your children's lives smaller and more miserable than they have to be,when your children are doing absolutely nothing wrong.

You're a teacher? I wouldn't normally post about people's spelling, but I hope you're not teaching kids to make up words by smooshing two together the way you do (e.g. alot, atleast, infront).

I think your neighbours are being unreasonable if your kids are indeed as quiet and considerate as you say they are. I wonder if they've thought of getting some white noise going in baby's room; that would probably help a lot.

Honestly? I think you should say that you are already considerate of noise due to living situation. You would understand their request if you were regularly holding loud parties, but you are not. Legally everyone is entitled to “quiet enjoyment” of their home. This translates to “reasonable” everyday noise within specific times. Their request is controlling and unreasonable. You know they are tired, but their baby will soon be sleeping through the night. Recommend white noise machine, vacuuming, music, etc to desensitize baby to normal household noises.

They are nice neighbours so be considerate to their request.
Drawing the curtains and keeping the noise down by 8:45 pm is not hard. Your kids can keep to low noise easily enough.

Tell neighbours that you will do your best but that it is Summer with teenagers. Warn neighbours in advance when you' are having a party.

Oh give over. Obviously typos.

YANBU, but equally I think you could ask the teens to hang out inside between 9pm and 10pm without it costing you anything.

All this rubbish about 'encouraging confidence and socialisation'...your 16 year old son isn't going to have his confidence or socialisation impacted because he's been asked to come in from the garden at 9pm and hangout with his mates indoors for an hour! That need to over justify your position comes from you knowing at heart that you could do your neighbours a favour and ask them to come inside at 9pm instead of 10pm. I don't think you're being unreasonable, but maybe you think you're not operating at peak kindness either?

Come on, it's becoming pretty common to see those words spelt that way, they're not typos just lack of knowledge.

Bollocks. Only one, "alot" is used like this and it could still be a typo. I'm a lawyer and writer and I make a ton of errors on here at times because I'm typing fast on a phone touchscreen, and I have brain farts and make stupid grammatical or spelling errors where I've known the correct form since I was six. But you know, it's Mumsnet and I don't give a shit other than when it impedes understanding. The OP writes well, it's really easy to tell when someone is less literate.

Tell them their child will have to get used to normal household noise or
they had better go and buy a house next to a graveyard. Then block their number.

rather than come on here i suggest you talk to your neighbours
explain your point of view

I was very on your side but 5 teenagers is not going to be quiet, it seems fair enough to ask a neighbour not to have half a dozen teens carrying on outside at 8.44/5, especially if it's for a brief period while you have a baby to put to bed. That's not the same as expecting you to tiptoe around your house.

It’s good for baby to sleep in noise so they get used to sleeping through it. I had hoovers on when my littles were babies and they did wake sometimes but it goes them used to sleeping through noise, now. Not that this will help too much as it isn’t your baby. The neighbours need to understand you have teens and it is what it is unfortunately.

you have children too.

This idea that your household is deaf and you have a dog they complain about which suggests it barks makes me think you're a lot noisier than you think you are. There's no way 5 teenagers isn't loud and annoying for your neighbour. If it's every day they have people round that's not great. Once a week or so less of an issue. It's weird if someone's complaining about kids playing out on here it's not acceptable for small kids to be making noise but it's ok for 5 teens to sit round talking? I really don't think that's as quiet as you think it is.

Were a noisy house with 2 kids and a dog whose an ahole when someone knocks the door or if another dog walks past our gate but we spend a lot of time and effort trying to.minimise that noise for our neighbours who are all adults let alone someone trying to put a baby to bed.

I missed this, once in 2 weeks I'd say no big deal, I was imagining daily, I apologise I assumed daily

Do they are playing music or they are not playing music?

Ignore them, babies need to learn to sleep with background noise. They can use a white noise machine or something if necessary

I have been very tired of people being loud in the gardens or the streets recently. Normally I can shut the window and don’t mind. But in this weather it is torturous to keep the windows shut, particularly for a baby. Of course the baby can’t sleep - a group of 6 friends in the garden means regular eruptive laughter or maybe even a musical instrument. How awful for them. I bet they cannot shut the window because of the heat and your friends are making a right noise. Try and understand other people and the extreme weather conditions and tiny vulnerable humans, it’s incredibly tough on them.

They’re being unreasonable if your teens are only really out once every two weeks. I suspect you are louder than you think you are but they also can’t expect silence at 8,45.

I remember going a bit demented once night when I had a newborn and there was a party over the road with blaring music until 12 and it was so hot. They’ll not be at their best but they also need to get an aircon unit for the baby’s room and not expect silence at 8. If they haven’t tried white noise they are being extra unreasonable - everyone I knew used white noise apps when my children were small.

Assuming it’s just regular household noise chatting, tv etc just ignore them. They are being completely ridiculous to expect neighbours to live like Trappist monks just because they, like most of the population at some point, have had a baby.