To feel embarrassed I don't have any bridesmaids

[Snappythecrocodile1]

Fiancé has 3 groomsmen so would look odd if I didn't have any wouldn't it? I've been a bridesmaid twice, in 2015 and 2019 but whilst I'm still friends with those two women, I wouldn't say we're close friends, not through my lack of trying. One of them has a 13 month-old daughter I've met once, the other has been with her new partner around 7 years and I've met him once. I couldn't tell you much around their day-to-day lives, see them once a year, twice at best even though we all live about an hour from each other.

So it sounds maybe petty but I feel odd asking them? I no longer consider them close friends so kind of think it'd just be asking them for the sake of it? I've got other female friends, wouldn't say super close friends and I've known them for about 3 years so would it be weird to ask? I genuinely have no idea.
No sisters. Many people have this down from day 1 and have that 'ride or die' friend they ask, I just don't have really close friends and feel a bit embarrassed because people keep asking me questions about my 'bridesmaids and MOH'
Assuming I've got any! It's a registry office and evening reception btw. I don't know what to do!

Do you have cousins ? I would ask the people you would go out with on a weekend. Who are they?

Does your fiance have any close female friends or relatives? They'd likely be delighted to be asked. When my brother got married, his wife was new to the country so my sister, our cousin and I were her bridesmaids. It gave us a chance to welcome her to the family since we hadn't met her before.

I don't really have people I go out with regularly on weekends 😂 I've got friends i meet for coffee every couple of months but that's it. I have cousins, we get on but again it's people I see once or twice a year at big events

I’ve been married twice and didn’t have any bridesmaids for either of the weddings! I really don’t think it matters, it never occurred to me to be worried about it.

You don't have to have bridesmaids OP, I'm not having them, I'm not doing a hen either. These are traditions you can choose to stick with or choose not to, it's your wedding so your choice.

He has an older sister but it would feel strange asking her, she's nice to me when I see her but keeps her distance if that makes sense, she just has her own life and I wouldn't say we were friends sadly.

Does he need 3 groomsmen?

It sounds inconsiderate of him under the circumstances.

My friend had 2 colleagues she’d only known about 2 years as her bridesmaids (along with her sister and an old friend). You don’t have to have bridesmaids, but if you want some, ask the people you’re closest to now. It’s not a binding life long commitment.

I don't see why you should feel embarrassed if you don't have bridesmaids for heaven's sake. They aren't obligatory you know.

The wedding should be all about you and your fiancé exchanging your vows with each other and you should be looking to making the day about that. Not doing stuff because you think it's expected of you.

I don't want any bridesmaids even, but because he's having groomsmen i don't want it to look odd or to let him down. It's also social pressure, I don't want everyone gossiping 'But why hasn't she got bridesmaids? Hasn't she got close friends?'

I’d just not have any.
if I ever re-marry (not planning on it) I certainly wouldn’t

No, don’t have them just for the sake of it. You can always say you couldn’t choose between your friends so decided to skip them altogether. If you have a friend with a young daughter it could be very nice and elegant to ask her. Does your fiance have a niece perhaps?

Don't have bridesmaids if you have no obvious people to ask, it will feel awkward. The groomsmen role can be adjusted to general helpers on the day plus company for the groom while getting ready. You can appear on your own looking gorgeous!

People put these social pressures on you, nobody even asked 'Are you having bridesmaids' they said 'what are YOUR bridesmaids wearing'

A) you don't have to have bridesmaids at all.
B) if you'd like some, ask some current friends. I'd be surprised at anyone saying no unless it's going to cost them money. There's no rules about how long you have to have known them. I had one bridesmaid, she was a uni friend I'd known 4 years.

The key thing to remember is it's your day, you can literally choose whatever you want to do. I think 3 groomsmen is stranger than no bridesmaids especially at a registry office. Just tell nosy people you're not having bridesmaids. What difference does their opinion make anyway?

I need more self-confidence I guess. I also don't have the money to pay for hair, make up and dresses for multiple women!

Why would you be letting him down by not having bridesmaids? If you truly think he would feel let down I would think again about marrying him !
Similarly if people did gossip about it in such a ridiculous way then they aren't your friends and you are better not knowing them.

I didn't have any bridesmaids, I don't think anyone thought anything of it.

Several of my friends are men anyway. I suppose some people have a bridal party? I think there's this social expectation that women all have this big group of close female friends.

Then definitely don't have any.
Not sure what 3 groomsmen are going to do but presumably one is best man and will hand over the rings? The other two could help to seat people and be the witnesses I guess? You are definitely overthinking this, nobody will care or gossip if you don't have bridesmaids.

You don’t have to have bridesmaids and it doesn’t sound like you have anyone suitable to ask anyway.

It might look a bit conspicuous if the groom has 3 obvious ‘groomsmen’. Could he scale it back a bit?

It does look odd to have no bridesmaids and two groomsmen. Ask your cousins.
Family is always family even when living far away.
It will not be odd to ask your cousins.

My DD had no bridesmaid at her registry office wedding and it was difficult getting preened and ready. I had to do my best but I was old and I remember thinking... Bridesmaids are to ease the pressure for the bride and old parents.
Having some young relatives there to take pictures, paint your nails and to delight in your very happy memories in years to come will be meaningful.

Don't worry about it @Snappythecrocodile1. 35 years ago I raked up a teenage 2nd cousin. My closest friends were either pg or didn't get on very well. As you are getting married in a register office, it will seem unremarkable. Also the groomsmen (ushers presumably) will have jobs, seeing people to their seats, directing from the entrance to the room, dealing with queries, etc.

The two registry office weddings I've been to didn't have bridesmaids; I didn't even think about it. Registry office weddings can be a little bit more casual anyway. My boyfriend and I were seriously discussing getting married yesterday and again, it would be registry office and I wouldn't have any.

I think you don’t need to have bridesmaids, but I would reflect more on the strength of your friendships as it sounds like you don’t actually have any friends? The way you mention people who have been close to you but now rarely see, that you meet up for coffee with other people every few months, and have no female relatives (no sister-in-laws?)… who do you talk to other than your partner? If your fiance is your only source of friendship then I think you need to deepen /reconnect with other people.

unless you have male friends? In which case have groomsmen too!