To feel embarrassed I don't have any bridesmaids

[Snappythecrocodile1]

Fiancé has 3 groomsmen so would look odd if I didn't have any wouldn't it? I've been a bridesmaid twice, in 2015 and 2019 but whilst I'm still friends with those two women, I wouldn't say we're close friends, not through my lack of trying. One of them has a 13 month-old daughter I've met once, the other has been with her new partner around 7 years and I've met him once. I couldn't tell you much around their day-to-day lives, see them once a year, twice at best even though we all live about an hour from each other.

So it sounds maybe petty but I feel odd asking them? I no longer consider them close friends so kind of think it'd just be asking them for the sake of it? I've got other female friends, wouldn't say super close friends and I've known them for about 3 years so would it be weird to ask? I genuinely have no idea.
No sisters. Many people have this down from day 1 and have that 'ride or die' friend they ask, I just don't have really close friends and feel a bit embarrassed because people keep asking me questions about my 'bridesmaids and MOH'
Assuming I've got any! It's a registry office and evening reception btw. I don't know what to do!

Anyhow - aside from lecturing you on friendship (sorry!) I would choose your oldest female cousin to be a maid of honour. Partly because it might be nice to have someone performing that role both in the lead up to the event and on the day. But also because as you say, your cousins are people you see once or twice a year at big events. This is your big event: (regardless of actual size, it’s hugely significant) use it to solidify those family relationships.

(Bringing families together is after all one of the purposes of a marriage.)

You really don’t need a string of bridesmaids.

This is the right approach honestly.

I had a fair few bridesmaids - and a friend's daughter who had never been asked (and was super excited to have a chance!).

It could have just been my DH and I. I wouldn't have minded. We did what we enjoyed and what felt like us on the day. It's a moment in time that is absolutely glorious. But it is just that - the right thing for that time.

If we got married today, we'd have some guests the same - some entirely different.

Do you have any where you'd like to deepen these relationships?

I had a registry office wedding. No bridesmaids, no best man, no speeches, no bouquets of flowers. Not for any particular reason, just not my thing!

Don’t think too deep about this. Its ok you don’t have anyone to ask. Just don’t have any. I think the worst thing you could do is ask people just to make it look like you have close friends. Not to be mean (after 10 years of marriage all of my close friendships have drifted) but it’d make me feel worse thinking the people I’d asked would be thinking ‘I don't think we’re close enough’

Gosh, I didn’t realize you even had bridesmaids or groomsmen at a registry office wedding. I genuinely thought they were only for church weddings, and maybe for posh wedding venues. You learn something new everyday!
Don’t worry about it and perhaps ask your fiancé to maybe cut down on the groomsmen, or just not have any at all.

I got married in a registry office and didn't have any bridesmaids. It was a covid wedding so I couldn't have them anyway to keep numbers down, but of the other registry office weddings I've attended, none have had bridesmaids or groomsmen. The whole ceremony lasts about 15 minutes, then it's over.

You really don't have to have any. Some people, even if they have lots of friends (or not) just don't.If anyone asks just say you wanted to keep things simple and not have any, or you didn't want to offend anyone by choosing/not choosing them.

One bride (a workmate) told me she didn't want other girls flapping about doing hair and make up while she was getting ready. She was a very no nonsense person who never wore make up (i think she did wear a bit on the actual day) and usually just shoved her hair in a ponytail. One of my best friends from school said no bridesmaids as she was really nervous about the day and some bits were unconventional (she didn't want to walk up the aisle in front of everyone so just got to the church really early and sat quietly at the front). Their wedding, their choice of attendants.

I will say that it can be useful to have one attendant to help with practical things like holding your bouquet during the vows and fluffing out your train, veil etc for photos. My friend above realised this and asked me to help but I was referred to as "best woman" rather than bridesmaid. I've noticed even the royals do this ie when the actual bridesmaids are little and cute and not much practical help, they have an adult relative (not in a traditional bridesmaid dress) to step in and hold the flowers etc. Could that work? Maybe a role for your SIL? Or your mum?

Actually just remembered a third friend who had a small register office wedding and no bridesmaids. She had a sister and a SIL but said she felt it would look silly if a substantial percentage of the guests were also in the wedding party itself. No one batted an eyelid.

I would just ask my fiancé's sister and have a couple of the children as flower girls. But I do think you should pay for the outfits, keep it simple if you only have one adult and two children it needn't cost a fortune. My flower girls wore the cutest little bridesmaids dresses and white sandals from M&S.

Fair, what about your cousins and future sister in law,

Honestly op, you do not need bridesmaids. I had two, a friend and my SIL. What a pair of prima donnas they were. They were both queen bees and sadly a clash was inevitable. My fault.

I was basically rent a bridesmaid when younger due to being the youngest child in a large family. I spoilt many a wedding photo with my sulky brat face. Surprised my cousins spoke to me again.

Do what feels right to you. Just have a happy day.

You don’t have to have bridesmaids at all. I had two, both were my OH nieces and quite frankly they were too young, behaved like spoiled brats and insisted on carrying the hem of my wedding dress even though it didn’t fall into a train and nearly legged me up as I walked up the aisle.
Do you have a brother OP? There’s nothing odd in having a close male friend or relative as an attendant. Happy wedding day, whatever you decide to do! wishing you both every happiness 💐🍾

Too late to elope?

I would say no to any BMs as it will save a fortune

whats a groomsman? Cant he just pick a best man?

I think it would be better if he had no groomsmen . It looks terrible 3 groomsmen with no bridesmaids. Apart from that I don’t think it matters really .

Congrats on your upcoming marriage!

Maybe you need to talk to your fiancé and ask him to just choose one groomsman and then maybe you could find one bridesmaid - cousin, work friend or one of your coffee friends. Less pressure with one.

I had three and it was a bit of a stretch it was only because I was much more social in my younger days so I was able to use two work friends (who I don’t see anymore!) and my sister. I wish it had been one (sister) or none.

Yeah my son in law had groomsmen, i appreciate it is the grooms wedding too but i just think he could have been mindful of his future wife's feelings, the op is struggling she doesn't want to look "lonely " with nobody around her 3 groomsmen looks uneven,

I didn't have bridesmaids, over 30 years ago. All my friends were already married or had become that bit distant from me over the years so I didn't feel particularly close to any of them. For preference, I would have had a little girl or two but I didn't know any. It was no big deal, and not something I regret looking back.

I didn’t have any bridesmaids as it would have involved offending a particular friend who would have made a really annoying bridesmaid but whose feelings I didn’t want to hurt by asking others in her place. You don’t need bridesmaids

Just reply that you are keeping it simple and not having any. Groomsmen don’t take as much sorting with choosing dresses and getting hair and make up etc so I think the “keeping it simple” line works despite there being 3 groomsmen.

No bridesmaids is perfectly fine, but three groomsmen?? Whatever for? Surely its just a bestman and thats it?!

Nothing wrong with doing it anyway you want. You could ask the women you mention-it wouldn't be odd as you were close. One of mine I picked because we had, in the past, been close, but we weren't really by then. One has moved away and we never meet now, the other I'm still close to, but life moves on, and not many people have the same squad all the way through life.
Maybe get to know your OH's mates better, and it would be lovely to ask their wives/girlfriends, because it's good to all have a group of friends together when you're married. Obviously I get they might not have women partners, but worth considering if they do.

I didn't have any bridesmaids, my ex-H had our mutual friend (a woman) as his 'ring bearer'. I wasn't that fussed to be honest!

Honestly, the first step here is realising social pressure is a farce. You can have a pretty happy life ignoring other people's expectations and social conventions.

If you don't feel close to any woman in your life, you don't have to have a bridal party. If you have a close friendship to a man, you could have a best man yourself. Basically, you really can do anything you want. It's your day, and you have to enjoy it!

Ignore other people's questions. And honestly, you can say that you don't want bridesmaids because you don't like the tradition, and if they judge you for it it's on them. I personally find it quite a stupid tradition and I would never dream of having my poor friends float around me the whole day at my service. Dictating what they are wearing. Having them wake up a stupid hours. But again, that's my opinion and if you felt otherwise, you should just ignore it! But as it aligns with your own feelings, use it. It's definitely the opposite of shameful, not having bridesmaids.